From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
The 2000-01 season was finishing up and this was my last shot before the summer. I had done weight-loss parodies before and I think the idea just grew around the phrase "cramming food into my pie hole." I don't know what I was thinking. It's kinda rude, there were a number of typos and I should have had the woman say at the end, "Wait, what?" Don't even know if "Wait, what?" was a thing back then. It's one of those (now) comedy clams that people throw in everywhere, but I really like it, because it comes with a sense of befuddlement. Anyways, they didn't take it, so here it is...
St. Paul Weight Loss Program
(GK, SS, TK)
GK: ...now a word from the St. Paul Weight Program.
SS: Hey, Bob, you look great.
TK: Thanks. I feel great. I lost over 40 pounds!
SS: Thanks amazing! How'd you do it?
TK: It's the amazing St. Paul Weight Loss Program.
SS: How's it work?
TK: I stop eating like a pig, haul my lard-ridden carcass off my couch and exercise!
SS: Really, just that?
TK: That's right. The St. Paul Program showed me how to stop cramming food into my pie hole.
SS: Amazing!
TK: And that's not all! They get me off my fat can once in a while. And for just pennies a day!
SS: That's some plan! Maybe I should sign up!
TK: Maybe you should!
GK: The St. Paul Weight Loss Program. Give them a call today if you can put that drumstick down long enough.
end
