From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Back before Bezos, Musk and Branson were all racing to be the first billionaire in space, there was something called SpaceShipOne. It was the first movie into space by a private company. It launched a sub-orbital flight the week the show broadcast, so I wrote up a sketch. The idea of private companies going into space is something I've been mocking since my Galaxy Rangers days. I wrote a NY Post op-ed piece about it when they launched John Glenn back into space. As my character, Zoot Martin, the head of Space Peace, says in Galaxy Rangers, "people have a habit of mucking up anyplace they go, and that includes space." Arnold Davies is the forerunner of today's space privateers. And they were as annoying as the rapidly spreading cell-phone users of the day. I actually submitted this sketch the same week as my House of Tea sketch, and it's one declining times I submitted more than one sketch in a week this far into my run. But the Seattle House of Tea and the Space launch were both topical and had to be addressed. Not as much as I thought they did, however, since neither made it to air.
SpaceShipOne
GK: It's an exciting time, as Spaceship One was successfully launched into a sub-space orbit, marking private industry's entry into the space race. Under the command of test pilot Mike Melvill, SpaceShipOne reached a record breaking altitude of 328,491 feet, about 62 miles, making Melvill the first civilian to fly a spaceship out of the atmosphere and the first private pilot to earn astronaut wings. So we're happy to have them aboard as our sponsor for this hour of the show. Now a word from SpaceShip Incorporated's vice president and booking agent Arnold Davies.
(Star Trek theme, rocket ship noises)
AD: Space, the final marketplace. It's very exciting knowing that corporate America now has jammed a toe-hold in outer space. And we're proud to be that toe-jam.
We at SpaceShip Incorporated will soon being offering rides into space for only $40,000 dollars. So when your friends begin bragging about wintering in Monte Carlo, or taking that cruise to Tahiti, you'll be able to tell them you went into space. That'll shut them up. And isn't that what the vast cosmos is all about?
Want something to spice up your love life? Try a trip around the world. Tired of dieting? In space, you're weightless! Need a place to ditch your industrial waste? Give us a call!
We'll be working with sponsors to make the price affordable for anyone. I figure we can cover the spaceship with logos, like they do in NASCAR, or tow big signs behind it like down at the shore. Lots of options here.
And beyond that...We'll launch some timeshares in space, give the people a place to stay once they get there. And you don't have to worry about space getting too crowded, or running out of room, because space is endless!
Space, it's not just for government employees anymore.
You know exciting things happen when private industry gets involved. And space is no exception. And with all the pollution and global warming, who wants to stay on earth, anyway?
GK: SpaceShipOne Inc., Making space travel as common as cell phones or telemarketers.
end
(Star Trek theme, rocket ship noises)
AD: Space, the final marketplace. It's very exciting knowing that corporate America now has jammed a toe-hold in outer space. And we're proud to be that toe-jam.
We at SpaceShip Incorporated will soon being offering rides into space for only $40,000 dollars. So when your friends begin bragging about wintering in Monte Carlo, or taking that cruise to Tahiti, you'll be able to tell them you went into space. That'll shut them up. And isn't that what the vast cosmos is all about?
Want something to spice up your love life? Try a trip around the world. Tired of dieting? In space, you're weightless! Need a place to ditch your industrial waste? Give us a call!
We'll be working with sponsors to make the price affordable for anyone. I figure we can cover the spaceship with logos, like they do in NASCAR, or tow big signs behind it like down at the shore. Lots of options here.
And beyond that...We'll launch some timeshares in space, give the people a place to stay once they get there. And you don't have to worry about space getting too crowded, or running out of room, because space is endless!
Space, it's not just for government employees anymore.
You know exciting things happen when private industry gets involved. And space is no exception. And with all the pollution and global warming, who wants to stay on earth, anyway?
GK: SpaceShipOne Inc., Making space travel as common as cell phones or telemarketers.
end
