From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Another sketch from the slush pile. I had written this earlier for a workshop and enjoyed it. I noted in my journal that I was prepping it and two European-theme sketches for PHC, as they were going to to a couple of shows from Germany. The sketch was a Siskel & Ebert set-up, but I was really mocking Rex Reed, a NYC film critic of the time. I didn't care for him. He spend entirely too much time and effort denouncing Blake Edwards' films every time a Pink Panther movie came up. I loved the Pink Panther movies so I always wondered what bug was sticking up Reed's rear-end.
I re-worked the to be audio (of course, but it was very dialogue heavy to begin with). I recast the roles to allow the PHC players to each take a part and then I had the set-up simply be, as GK often did, a segment on the show. "Titanic Panic" is a title from a prose piece I did pitching new Titanic sequels. In retrospect, this has WAY too many pop culture references in it, in addition to being a parody of a TV show, to really be considered for the show. And I was too lazy to keep updating it to submit elsewhere. But I always loved the ending. I felt like I put my BFA in Cinema Studies to good use.
I re-worked the to be audio (of course, but it was very dialogue heavy to begin with). I recast the roles to allow the PHC players to each take a part and then I had the set-up simply be, as GK often did, a segment on the show. "Titanic Panic" is a title from a prose piece I did pitching new Titanic sequels. In retrospect, this has WAY too many pop culture references in it, in addition to being a parody of a TV show, to really be considered for the show. And I was too lazy to keep updating it to submit elsewhere. But I always loved the ending. I felt like I put my BFA in Cinema Studies to good use.
SNAP PREVIEWS
(GK, LR: Lance Rexman, GS: Gloria Stills)
GK; And now it's time for Snap Previews, reviews of the latest movies out. And here's our in-house critics, Lance Rexman and Gloria Stills:
LR: Thank you, and welcome to Snap Previews, the show where we review movies and attempt to protect the public from it's own poor taste. I'm Lance Rexman.
GS: And I'm Gloria Stills. We have a lot of films to look at this week, so let's get it right to it, shall we?
LR: Let's.
GS: Our first film is the new comedy, "Dude, Where's my Brain?" And---
LR: I didn't like it.
GS: Perhaps, but---
LR: I mean really, just another mentally deficient teen-comedy starring people we'll never hear from again. To think of the number of trees that died to print that script.
GS: But, Lance, didn't you find the performances---
LR: I said I didn't like it. Let's not waste any more time on this dribble.
GS: Okay, sure.
LR: The next piece of cinematic tripe is another prime example of what happens when you take a beloved, and I'm using air quotes when I say that, television show and attempt to turn it into a major motion picture. Frankly, I hate television, so I figured "Major Dad: the Motion Picture" was going to be awful and guess what, I was right! Avoid it at all costs. Phone me and I'll tell you what theaters it's playing at so you can stay away.
GS: But Lance, you have to say the cinematography was---
LR: I didn't like it.
GS: But didn't you feel---
LR: Case close. Next film.
GS: I guess it was inevitable, a sequel to the biggest box office movie, only this time it's a comedy. Called "Titanic Panic!" it's the story of a group of passengers of the luxury liner are on a mad, mad, madcap search for the "Heart of the Ocean" necklace before the ship sinks.
LR: I didn't like it.
GS: I think here that---
LR: What cretin would possible like this manure?
GS: I kinda liked it.
LR: Please. Gag me with a power drill.
GS: Fine. Let's go to the next film
LR: Yes, the greatly ballyhooed George Lucas production. In the past, he's been accused of pandering to the bubble-gum crowd with visually exciting but aesthetically empty STAR WARS sequels. Now he claims he trying to change that image with his new release, a small, tender story called "In the Dark." It's the story about the life a of movie critic. It follows a day in the life of a film critic as he goes to films and labors over the prose of his critiques. We see the real angst and drama that goes on trying to get emotions and opinions down on paper so that hundreds of thousands of people can read them and learn from them. I loved his picture.
GS: You're kidding.
LR: It's one of my top ten films of the year.
GS: It's February.
LR: I don't care.
GS: Fine, okay. We've got one film left. One. Then that's it. It's an independent film about a bunch of ultra-violent yet witty criminals attempt to rob a another bunch of ultra-violent criminals. It's called "Bloody Mates---"
LR: I didn't like it.
GS: I didn't like it either.
LR: I didn't like it a lot more than you didn't like it.
GS: I didn't like it at all!
LR: Oh, yeah? Well, I didn't like "Titanic" or "Jurassic Park!"
GS: Well, I didn't like any of the Indian Jones movies or "E.T.!"
LR: So what, I hated "Gone with the Wind!"
GS: I thought "Casablanca" was way over rated!"
LR: "Birth of a Nation" sucks!
GS: Yeah, well so does "Citizen Kane!"
LR: Oh yeah?
GS: Yeah!
(some growling, and heavy breathing, hissing)
GK: Hello? Rex? Gloria? You done? I guess they are. Well, that's all for this week's SNAP PREVIEWS. Tune in next time when they'll be reviewing four more films.
LR: I won't like them!
GS: Quiet, you'll give it away!
GK: Snap Previews. Thank you, both...
end
