From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
It was the season finale so I decided to go all in and do a parody of season finales. Right off the bat, it was a tough sell, GK wasn't much of a TV guy, and that's what I was selling. I have vague recollections of using it for Style Without Substance. Which came first? I don't recall and I didn't make a note of it. It has a Style feel to it, using the whole cast, the silliness, the meta aspect. Obviously, it wasn't PHC enough, 'cause it didn't get picked.
Season Finale! 7/7/01
GK: Since this is the last show of the season, FCC regulations and electronic media tradition dictate that we have a cliff-hanging season finale; you know, something that totally violates the nature of the program and is supposed to keep you riveted to the radio until we return in the fall. I'm not one to disregard tradition, so I've been wracking my brains trying to come up with a big finale---
(gun shots)
GK: What was that? Gun shots?
TK: Sorry, Garrison. My fault. I dropped a couple of light bulbs.
GK: Be careful back there, Tom. We don't want anything happening to you after all.
TK: No problem there. I'm always careful.
(a thud, crashing noises)
TK: Okay, good, my crashing sound effect is working perfectly! Ready to go!
GK: As I was saying, with the last show, I've been trying to come up with a satisfactory way to wind up this season and whet your appetite for our next season--
SS: Garrison, I'm sorry, I have to leave now. My doctor just called. I have to see him.
GK: Oh, my. Sue, what's wrong? Is it serious?
(organ sting)
SS: It seems I left my checkbook there when I was there for my appointment.
GK: You had to see the doctor? Is there a problem?
(organ sting)
SS: Yes, yes there is. I had to get some ointment for this rash. It's itching like crazy. Want to see it?
GK: No. No, thank you.
SS: Have a nice summer, if I don't talk to you.
GK: Thank you. You, too. Now, where was I? Oh, yes, season finale. I'm not terribly fond of the practice of season finale cliff hangers, we're not doing a movie serial after all, but my hands are tied. But to conceive of one that is organic to the show--
TR: That's it! I can't take it anymore!
GK: Tom, you seemed perturbed.
TR: I'll say I am! I was just watching my favorite show---
GK: You're watching TV while we're doing the show?
TR: Not when I'm on. That's not the point. I'm watching my show and it was the last show of the season and they just had this ludicrous season finale! Right at the end, the car explodes, boom! into a fire ball and now we're supposed to wait to see what happens.
GK: From what I understand, that's a fairly common dramatic device used by television series.
TR: It was a nature show! About pandas! Now I have to wait until September to see if that cute little Ling-Ling survives!
RD: Excuse me, Garrison. I think I might have a finale you can use.
GK: Yes, Richard, what did you have in mind?
RD: We could play Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Play it right up to the point where Schubert left off, then the people can tune in come September to see how we finish it.
GK: I'll have to take that under advisement.
TR: I've had it with this season finale stuff. It's got to be stopped. I've thought long and hard about this and I've figured out the perfect way to put an end to this ridiculous practice of cliff-hanger endings for good!
GK: That's wonderful. How?
(car horn)
TR: Oh, that's my ride. I have to go.
GK: What about your idea?
TR: I'll tell you when I get back from vacation.
GK: I guess I'll have to think some more on this, so let's just keep the show going until we figure out a way to end it...
end
