From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This was the second piece I submitted for their first week back in Feb. 2002. The Winter Olympics had been held, so it seemed like a perfect time to re-work and submit the winter version of the radio Olympics. The show often went off on nonsensical SFX adventures, just playing with the medium of radio, but I never got to a place where they would use one of my takes on it. I really tried to go beyond just a series of sound effects and give the bit some surreal basis to exist and then marry silly events to justify the various sound effects Tom Keith (the SFX guy) had in his repertoire. It's a fun, silly, quick-paced piece that didn't make the cut. Oh, well..
Radio Olympics
GK: It's great to be back. But we did have an exciting two weeks competing in the radio winter Olympics. It was truly awe inspiring, from the lighting of the torch...
(flame sounds)
GK: ...to the release of the doves...
(flapping sound)
GK: ...marred only by the fact that the doves flew too close to the flames...
(flame swoosh, eek sounds)
GK: Team PHC was there in force. We came to compete and we did exceptionally well in the downhill moo and bell...
(cow moo with cow bell)
GK: ...and the free style door slam...
(door slam)
GK: And we even set the world record in the synchronized fog horn...
(series of fog horns)
GK: We captured the gold in all three events. It wasn't a perfect competition, however. We were out-of-the money in the cross-country rant and finished a poor fourth in the two man lewd. But we finished up strong in the shoosh and shoot...
(skiing sounds then gun sounds)
GK: ...the very popular ice spinning...
(spinning noises)
GK: And a new event, the caribou toss...
(caribou moo and a thud)
GK: ...and Tom Keith had a personal best in the 100 meter chicken...
(chicken clucks)
GK: With outstanding team effort on the relay slide whistle...
(slide whistling up to a second whistle down)
GK: We smashed the other teams like so many balsa wood guitars. We did have one set back when Tom pulled a hamstring on the car horn and honk.
(car horns, violin plink)
TK: Ow! My leg!
GK: He's on the mend. So we're very proud of our team, and we can't wait until the summer radio Olympics in just two years. We've already begun training in such events as the 2 by 4, which is the event where you hit a melon with a 2x4...
(splat)
GK: ...the hop, skip and BOING...
(foot falls and a boing)
GK: And we thank you and all our supporters in our quest to bring home the gold!
end
(flame sounds)
GK: ...to the release of the doves...
(flapping sound)
GK: ...marred only by the fact that the doves flew too close to the flames...
(flame swoosh, eek sounds)
GK: Team PHC was there in force. We came to compete and we did exceptionally well in the downhill moo and bell...
(cow moo with cow bell)
GK: ...and the free style door slam...
(door slam)
GK: And we even set the world record in the synchronized fog horn...
(series of fog horns)
GK: We captured the gold in all three events. It wasn't a perfect competition, however. We were out-of-the money in the cross-country rant and finished a poor fourth in the two man lewd. But we finished up strong in the shoosh and shoot...
(skiing sounds then gun sounds)
GK: ...the very popular ice spinning...
(spinning noises)
GK: And a new event, the caribou toss...
(caribou moo and a thud)
GK: ...and Tom Keith had a personal best in the 100 meter chicken...
(chicken clucks)
GK: With outstanding team effort on the relay slide whistle...
(slide whistling up to a second whistle down)
GK: We smashed the other teams like so many balsa wood guitars. We did have one set back when Tom pulled a hamstring on the car horn and honk.
(car horns, violin plink)
TK: Ow! My leg!
GK: He's on the mend. So we're very proud of our team, and we can't wait until the summer radio Olympics in just two years. We've already begun training in such events as the 2 by 4, which is the event where you hit a melon with a 2x4...
(splat)
GK: ...the hop, skip and BOING...
(foot falls and a boing)
GK: And we thank you and all our supporters in our quest to bring home the gold!
end
