From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
CI always had to pay attention to the PHC website to see when the show would resume production (not like anyone was going to call me to update me). As the 2000-2001 season approached, I was feeling good about it. They had done a couple of my bits. The checks had cleared. Sure, they passed on most of my submissions, but it was a legitimate credit. And it was good to have a focus again, an actual writing target to hit.
I was forever attempting to work within their templates. The summer's big story had been the Olympics. Lord knows I've written enough Olympic parodies over the years (actually, I would keep re-writing the same old idea and re-submit it every four years) but never for radio. So, naturally, it came out as one of PHC's SFX sketches.
I pulled out my journals from this time and found an entry for this:
I was forever attempting to work within their templates. The summer's big story had been the Olympics. Lord knows I've written enough Olympic parodies over the years (actually, I would keep re-writing the same old idea and re-submit it every four years) but never for radio. So, naturally, it came out as one of PHC's SFX sketches.
I pulled out my journals from this time and found an entry for this:
"Christina @ PHC loved Radio Olympics...now we see if Keillor goes for it."
He didn't. So, we present here, on my blog, audio humor:
Radio Olympics
by Dan Fiorella
GK: ...great to be back. But we did have an exciting two weeks competing in the radio Olympics. It was truly awe-inspiring, from the lighting of the torch...
(flame sounds)
GK: ...to the release of the doves...
(flapping sound)
GK: ...marred only by the fact that the doves flew too close to the flames...
(flame swoosh, eek sounds)
GK: Team PHC was there in force. We came to compete and we did exceptionally well in the lift and moo...
(cow moo)
GK: ...and the free style door slam...
(door slam)
GK: And we even set the world record in the synchronized fog horn...
(series of fog horns)
GK: We captured the gold in all three events. It wasn't a perfect competition, however. We were out-of-the money in the indoor rant and finished a poor fourth in the two man lewd. But we finished up strong in the field events, including the 2x4, which is the event where you hit a melon with a 2x4...
(splat)
GK: ...the hop, skip and BOING...
(foot falls and a boing)
GK: ...and Tom Keith had a personal best in the 100 meter chicken...
(chicken clucks)
GK: With outstanding team effort on the relay slide whistle...
(slide whistling)
GK: We smashed the other teams like so many balsa wood guitars. We did have one set back when Tom pulled a hamstring on the car horn and honk.
(car horns, violin plink)
TK: Ow! My leg!
GK: He's on the mend. So we're very proud of our team, and we can't wait until the winter radio Olympics in just two years. We've already begun training in such event as the shoosh and shoot...
(skiing sounds then gun sounds)
GK: ...the very popular ice spinning.
(spinning noises)
GK: And a new event, the caribou toss...
(caribou moo and a thud)
GK: And we thank you and all our supporters in our quest to bring home the gold!
end
GK: ...great to be back. But we did have an exciting two weeks competing in the radio Olympics. It was truly awe-inspiring, from the lighting of the torch...
(flame sounds)
GK: ...to the release of the doves...
(flapping sound)
GK: ...marred only by the fact that the doves flew too close to the flames...
(flame swoosh, eek sounds)
GK: Team PHC was there in force. We came to compete and we did exceptionally well in the lift and moo...
(cow moo)
GK: ...and the free style door slam...
(door slam)
GK: And we even set the world record in the synchronized fog horn...
(series of fog horns)
GK: We captured the gold in all three events. It wasn't a perfect competition, however. We were out-of-the money in the indoor rant and finished a poor fourth in the two man lewd. But we finished up strong in the field events, including the 2x4, which is the event where you hit a melon with a 2x4...
(splat)
GK: ...the hop, skip and BOING...
(foot falls and a boing)
GK: ...and Tom Keith had a personal best in the 100 meter chicken...
(chicken clucks)
GK: With outstanding team effort on the relay slide whistle...
(slide whistling)
GK: We smashed the other teams like so many balsa wood guitars. We did have one set back when Tom pulled a hamstring on the car horn and honk.
(car horns, violin plink)
TK: Ow! My leg!
GK: He's on the mend. So we're very proud of our team, and we can't wait until the winter radio Olympics in just two years. We've already begun training in such event as the shoosh and shoot...
(skiing sounds then gun sounds)
GK: ...the very popular ice spinning.
(spinning noises)
GK: And a new event, the caribou toss...
(caribou moo and a thud)
GK: And we thank you and all our supporters in our quest to bring home the gold!
end
