GK: ...after this word from our sponsor, The Wellco Nasal Staple.
PM: Are you tired of that dirty, filthy habit?
MN: What dirty, filthy habit?
PM: Nose picking.
MN. Oh. Yes, I am.
PM: You are a nose picker, sir?
PM: I notice you bite your nails, too.
MN: Yeah, well, you have to if you're a nose picker. Can't let them grow to long. A friend of mine let his nails grow, then he punctured his brain while picking his nose.
PM: Have you tried to stop, sir?
MN: I tried wearing heavy work gloves all the time. That worked for a while, but it interfered with my job.
PM: What is your job, sir?
MN: I'm a needle threader.
PM: I see. What else have you tried?
MN: Oh, the usual, nose plugs, cotton balls, duct tape. Even Boogers Anonymous. But nothing works.
PM: Lament no more, sir. Wellco presents the Nasal Staple.
MN: How does it work?
PM: Wellco has taken the proven technology of stomach stapling and applied it to the needs of nose pickers. We quickly and safely staple your nostrils to half their normal size making it impossible for a finger to make its way in. And, voila, no more nose picking. Yes, the Wellco Nose Staple can help you drop nose picking like a bad habit. In just days you can go from this...
MN: I'm a nose picker.
PM: To this:
MN: (very nasal) I'm not a nose picker any more! Thanks to Wellco.
PM: That's the Wellco Nasal Staple System. From the makers of Finger-tip brand deodorant and the Ear-Waxer. Consult your doctor and see if Nasal Staples are right for you.
MN: (very nasal) It worked for me, and my kids think it's a bold fashion statement!