From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I don't have much memory of this bit. It's a good idea, but not really well executed. I really choked on the attempts at nicknames for comic effect. And some of it doesn't quite scan well these days. I like the dismissive end line, which calls back the premise of the sketch, where you can't be bothered to remember people's names.
Nicknames
(M1; Man 1, M2: Man 2)
M1: Binky. Fella. Compadre.
M2: What's up? What are you doing?
M1: I'm trying to come up with a catchy nickname to call co-workers when I can't remember their names.
M2: The memory starting to go?
M1: No, not really. It's just that the people I deal with are just so inconsequential to my life, I can't summon the energy to actually remember their names.
M2: I see.
M1: How about chief?
M2: I dunno. This is for co-workers and not boss, right? Might sound a bit presumptuous.
M1: Right. How about "neighbor?" Hey, neighbor.
M2: A little too Mr. Rodgers.
M1: Hi, cousin. How you doing, cousin?
M2: Too radio-D.J.
M1: This is going to be hard.
M2: Maybe you're trying to be too-all purpose and non-gender specific.
M1: Maybe.
M2: After all, it's not like you have to remember if they're boys or girls.
M1: True. I could say, "Hi, sugar pants." How's that?
M2: For a man or woman?
M1: Man. What is this, Massachusetts?
M2: Kind of leaves you open to lawsuits.
M1: I could go with the tradition "honey" or "sweetie."
M2: Could be trouble.
M1: You're right. I could say something like, "Yes, ma'am" or "Cold enough for you, ma'am?"
M2: A touch of phony respect. That could work.
M1: "Working hard or hardly working, ma'am?" "Boy, ma'am, it sure feels like a Tuesday." Yes, that will work. But "sir" seems a bit thick for guys. I could say, "Hey, Guy." "How's it hanging, guy?" "Some game last night, huh, guy?"
M2: Good. Doubly so if the guy's name is Guy.
M1: That's it then; ma'am and guy, the perfect terms of pseudo-familiarity for use with the people I have little or no concern about. Thanks, palie.
M2: You're welco...huh?
end
M1: Binky. Fella. Compadre.
M2: What's up? What are you doing?
M1: I'm trying to come up with a catchy nickname to call co-workers when I can't remember their names.
M2: The memory starting to go?
M1: No, not really. It's just that the people I deal with are just so inconsequential to my life, I can't summon the energy to actually remember their names.
M2: I see.
M1: How about chief?
M2: I dunno. This is for co-workers and not boss, right? Might sound a bit presumptuous.
M1: Right. How about "neighbor?" Hey, neighbor.
M2: A little too Mr. Rodgers.
M1: Hi, cousin. How you doing, cousin?
M2: Too radio-D.J.
M1: This is going to be hard.
M2: Maybe you're trying to be too-all purpose and non-gender specific.
M1: Maybe.
M2: After all, it's not like you have to remember if they're boys or girls.
M1: True. I could say, "Hi, sugar pants." How's that?
M2: For a man or woman?
M1: Man. What is this, Massachusetts?
M2: Kind of leaves you open to lawsuits.
M1: I could go with the tradition "honey" or "sweetie."
M2: Could be trouble.
M1: You're right. I could say something like, "Yes, ma'am" or "Cold enough for you, ma'am?"
M2: A touch of phony respect. That could work.
M1: "Working hard or hardly working, ma'am?" "Boy, ma'am, it sure feels like a Tuesday." Yes, that will work. But "sir" seems a bit thick for guys. I could say, "Hey, Guy." "How's it hanging, guy?" "Some game last night, huh, guy?"
M2: Good. Doubly so if the guy's name is Guy.
M1: That's it then; ma'am and guy, the perfect terms of pseudo-familiarity for use with the people I have little or no concern about. Thanks, palie.
M2: You're welco...huh?
end
