From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
2003 got off to a late start and there were only two January shows. I went with one of my go-to pieces, sound effects, to mark the new year. I referenced a lot of current events under the W. Bush administration in this short piece, some of which I can't recall. I liked playing around with the sound effects, but I wonder if the show thought I was parodying them and not just playing around with the format. They didn't use the sketch and I had no real way of knowing the reason for the rejection (as per usual). And, again, not a sketch that could be repurposed elsewhere. So, straight from the archives comes...
New Sound Effects
(GK: Garrison Keillor; TK: Tom Keith)
GK: A continued happy new year to all. And we are prepared for a bright new year. Tom Keith has been using our down time to develop some wonderful new sound effects, haven't you, Tom?
TK: Yes I have. I just can't sit here on my sound effects laurels.
GK: No one wants that. Keep pressing forward, and never look back. Because you can always hear the competition running up
behind you.
(running foot steps)
GK: So what do you have for us?
TK: I'm trying to keep current, topical. Pushing the envelope.
GK: For insistence?
TK: This sound of an envelope being pushed.
(crumbling paper sound)
GK: Effective.
TK: Cloning has been in the news, so I've been working on the sound of cloning.
GK: And how might that go?
TK: Behold, the sound of cloning..
(a doink sound)
GK: Fascinating.
TK: And I'm trying to be ready for anything. I got a couple of things all cued up. The tax cut...
(chopping sound)
TK: The weapons inspection...
(grating sound)
TK: ballooning deficits....
(rubbing a balloon)
TK: Nuclear proliferation...
(wig-wam)
TK: Saber rattling....
(clinking)
TK: A regime change...
(flapping sounds)
TK: and, of course, the sound of corporate whistle blowing.
(a whistle blows)
GK: Sounds like you are on top of the situation.
TK: I'm just trying to set a good example for all the aspiring sound effects technicians out there.
GK: How do aspiring sound effects technicians sound?
TK: Like this...
(intake of air)
GK: Thought I had you stumped there.
TK: Sorry. But it I had been stumped, it would have sounded like this...
(wood hitting wood)
GK: And that is why we keep you on retainer.
end
GK: A continued happy new year to all. And we are prepared for a bright new year. Tom Keith has been using our down time to develop some wonderful new sound effects, haven't you, Tom?
TK: Yes I have. I just can't sit here on my sound effects laurels.
GK: No one wants that. Keep pressing forward, and never look back. Because you can always hear the competition running up
behind you.
(running foot steps)
GK: So what do you have for us?
TK: I'm trying to keep current, topical. Pushing the envelope.
GK: For insistence?
TK: This sound of an envelope being pushed.
(crumbling paper sound)
GK: Effective.
TK: Cloning has been in the news, so I've been working on the sound of cloning.
GK: And how might that go?
TK: Behold, the sound of cloning..
(a doink sound)
GK: Fascinating.
TK: And I'm trying to be ready for anything. I got a couple of things all cued up. The tax cut...
(chopping sound)
TK: The weapons inspection...
(grating sound)
TK: ballooning deficits....
(rubbing a balloon)
TK: Nuclear proliferation...
(wig-wam)
TK: Saber rattling....
(clinking)
TK: A regime change...
(flapping sounds)
TK: and, of course, the sound of corporate whistle blowing.
(a whistle blows)
GK: Sounds like you are on top of the situation.
TK: I'm just trying to set a good example for all the aspiring sound effects technicians out there.
GK: How do aspiring sound effects technicians sound?
TK: Like this...
(intake of air)
GK: Thought I had you stumped there.
TK: Sorry. But it I had been stumped, it would have sounded like this...
(wood hitting wood)
GK: And that is why we keep you on retainer.
end
