From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Reading this old piece, I had forgotten (in light of recent developments) how awful the George W. Bush years were. His "Compassionate Conservativism" was a real misnomer. This was the proto-type of what the GOP would devolve into; "small' government bent on slashing the budget, privatizing Social Security (which was only stopped by Bush's Wall Street collapse and "The Great Recession.") and education. War was needed to enrich the military-industrial complex (invading the wrong country was simply collateral damage), Halliburton allowed to run amok, bank collapses, huge corporation failures and a glib cynicism. As long as they had theirs, it didn't matter much if anything trickled down to the working class. And PHC was never shy about pointing that nonsense out.
I don't know why I went with a wacky lacky to explain the budget, instead of Bush himself. But I had a lot to say about the budget and the vulture capitalism that was coming home to roost. It's a very topical piece with lots of topical references, some long forgotten. I hope this triggers some of the bleak memories and reminds us the the GOP was always this way, only less rude.
Alas, my venting was for nought, as the piece wasn't selected. After all this time, it still irks me that I can't just say rejected, because no one ever told me "No, we won't be using this." I'd have to listen to the show and check the website to see if it was used or not.
I don't know why I went with a wacky lacky to explain the budget, instead of Bush himself. But I had a lot to say about the budget and the vulture capitalism that was coming home to roost. It's a very topical piece with lots of topical references, some long forgotten. I hope this triggers some of the bleak memories and reminds us the the GOP was always this way, only less rude.
Alas, my venting was for nought, as the piece wasn't selected. After all this time, it still irks me that I can't just say rejected, because no one ever told me "No, we won't be using this." I'd have to listen to the show and check the website to see if it was used or not.
New Bush Budget
GK: The Bush administration has sent a budget to Congress that has a record spending of approximately $2.5 trillion yet contains billions of dollars in program cuts. It also contains millions of pages. And very tiny print. It's very hard to comprehend so as the battle of the budget begins, we have Leonard J. Indentured of the House budget committee to help point out some of the more essentials aspects of the budget. Thank you for joining us.
LI: Thank you for having me.
GK: What are some of the things Congress will be looking at with these proposals?
LI: Well, many of the cuts center on education, so educational programs are being adjusted and combined under one program which will collectively be named "Some Children Left Behind."
GK: I see. And will any other of the administration's programs be affected?
LI: Oh, many. For instance, there will be less "spreading" of liberty and freedom and more "sprinkling."
GK: I see. Now, what is this item at the SEC?
LI: The Securities Exchange Commission is creating a new task force. They will travel around the country to uncover malfeasance in the corporate sector. The task force will be made up of former Enron and WorldCom executives.
GK: Why would they have them on a SEC task force?
LI: Because "it takes a thief to catch a thief." The task force will be headed up by President Bush's brother, Neil.
GK: We've heard a lot about the Retirement program.
LI: Yes, they are going to be reformed and then renamed "Social Insecurity." People will get benefits; we're just not sure how much or when.
GK: There are so many cutbacks. There must be some positive budgeting.
LI: Oh, certainly. Support for the troops will be increased over 83%. Economists are able to do this because it doesn't cost a thing.
GK: Oh.
LI: Also several departments have avoided cuts; budgets for the military, Homeland Security and news columnist propaganda will be unaffected.
GK: When the money has to be found, I guess it's there.
LI: Other changes, for example, a program used to purchase plutonium from the former Soviet nations is being replaced with a "Toys for Nukes" program. Farm subsidies will be reduced and citizens will be encouraged to start "Freedom Gardens."
GK: Far reaching.
LI: You don't know the half of it. To offset budget cut backs, the Supreme Court will begin charging a cover and two-drink minimum when in session. Money to some college loans programs will be reduced while, oddly, money to certain frat houses will be increased.
GK: Interesting.
LI: Now that Attorney General John Ashcroft has left, there will be a huge decrease in the budget to cover up naked statues over at the Justice Department. That money is being set aside for a program to develop new satellites that can detect non-Republicans from space and cut their benefits.
GK: So it's a never-ending process. Any thing else?
LI: There will be a large reduction of subsidies to Amtrak, which, along with further deregulation of bankrupted airlines and rising gasoline prices, means people will pretty much have to stay home now.
GK: So stock up on popcorn and videos, people. Unless someone demands a recount of the budget.
end
LI: Thank you for having me.
GK: What are some of the things Congress will be looking at with these proposals?
LI: Well, many of the cuts center on education, so educational programs are being adjusted and combined under one program which will collectively be named "Some Children Left Behind."
GK: I see. And will any other of the administration's programs be affected?
LI: Oh, many. For instance, there will be less "spreading" of liberty and freedom and more "sprinkling."
GK: I see. Now, what is this item at the SEC?
LI: The Securities Exchange Commission is creating a new task force. They will travel around the country to uncover malfeasance in the corporate sector. The task force will be made up of former Enron and WorldCom executives.
GK: Why would they have them on a SEC task force?
LI: Because "it takes a thief to catch a thief." The task force will be headed up by President Bush's brother, Neil.
GK: We've heard a lot about the Retirement program.
LI: Yes, they are going to be reformed and then renamed "Social Insecurity." People will get benefits; we're just not sure how much or when.
GK: There are so many cutbacks. There must be some positive budgeting.
LI: Oh, certainly. Support for the troops will be increased over 83%. Economists are able to do this because it doesn't cost a thing.
GK: Oh.
LI: Also several departments have avoided cuts; budgets for the military, Homeland Security and news columnist propaganda will be unaffected.
GK: When the money has to be found, I guess it's there.
LI: Other changes, for example, a program used to purchase plutonium from the former Soviet nations is being replaced with a "Toys for Nukes" program. Farm subsidies will be reduced and citizens will be encouraged to start "Freedom Gardens."
GK: Far reaching.
LI: You don't know the half of it. To offset budget cut backs, the Supreme Court will begin charging a cover and two-drink minimum when in session. Money to some college loans programs will be reduced while, oddly, money to certain frat houses will be increased.
GK: Interesting.
LI: Now that Attorney General John Ashcroft has left, there will be a huge decrease in the budget to cover up naked statues over at the Justice Department. That money is being set aside for a program to develop new satellites that can detect non-Republicans from space and cut their benefits.
GK: So it's a never-ending process. Any thing else?
LI: There will be a large reduction of subsidies to Amtrak, which, along with further deregulation of bankrupted airlines and rising gasoline prices, means people will pretty much have to stay home now.
GK: So stock up on popcorn and videos, people. Unless someone demands a recount of the budget.
end
