From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This one has a happy ending. Okay, how many times have you been stuck in traffic or cut off by some maniac and wanted to yell at them? A lot. Well, instead of just sitting in my car and muttering about it, I wrote a sketch! I helps me blow off steam. I can often write things out of my system, it's a way of venting. So, I wrote this up so PHC could reject it. But I was working the angles at this point. PHC was the big fish. But I had developed two other leads to follow for radio-based comedy. So, if I listened to the show over the weekend and they didn't used my submission, I would re-work it a bit to submit to American Comedy Network, which syndicated jokes and bits to radio station nationwide. If they passed, it went off to All-Star Network, which did the same. So Mike's Auto Mike did get produced at ACN several weeks later, which I've included below the script.
Mike's Auto Mic
(GK, AN: Announcer, M1: Man 1, SS, M2
GK: And now a word from Mike's Auto Mics.
TR: Tired of dealing with every hassle of driving the same old way?
(car horn)
AN: With the same generic, ineffective car horn? Honestly, when you beep your horn, does any one care? A car horn can mean anything from "get out of my way" to "I've fainted and my head has hit the steering column." Well, be ineffectual no more with Mike's Auto Mic, the complete Automobile Auditory Reaction System. Just think, the next time you're behind a car at a traffic light and the light changes to green and the car ahead of you won't move, you don't have to just beep...
(car horn)
...You can say:
M1: (on speaker) Get off the cell phone and start driving, moron.
AN: That's right. With Mike's Auto Mic you can quickly and efficiently deal with lane cutters:
M1: (on speaker) Slow down, cowboy. What's the matter, you have to go to the bathroom?
AN: Tailgaters:
M1: (on speaker) Kiss my tail pipe, weasel.
AN: And obstacles ahead of you.
M1: (on speaker) Hey, you stupid kids, get out of the way!
AN: With Mike's Auto Mic, you can deal with any driving situation.
M1: (on speaker) Come on people, let's move the accident off the road. Some of us have to get home.
SS: (on speaker) Hey, hitch hiker, you expect me to pick you up dressed like that?
M1: (on speaker) I see you picking your nose up there.
AN: Mike's Auto Mic, let people know that your have places to go and people to see.
M1: (on speaker) Let's move it people, move it!
M2: (on speaker) Shut up back there!
M1: (on speaker) No, you shut up!
(car horns start beeping)
GK: Mike's Auto Mic available at better auto part stores everywhere.
end
GK: And now a word from Mike's Auto Mics.
TR: Tired of dealing with every hassle of driving the same old way?
(car horn)
AN: With the same generic, ineffective car horn? Honestly, when you beep your horn, does any one care? A car horn can mean anything from "get out of my way" to "I've fainted and my head has hit the steering column." Well, be ineffectual no more with Mike's Auto Mic, the complete Automobile Auditory Reaction System. Just think, the next time you're behind a car at a traffic light and the light changes to green and the car ahead of you won't move, you don't have to just beep...
(car horn)
...You can say:
M1: (on speaker) Get off the cell phone and start driving, moron.
AN: That's right. With Mike's Auto Mic you can quickly and efficiently deal with lane cutters:
M1: (on speaker) Slow down, cowboy. What's the matter, you have to go to the bathroom?
AN: Tailgaters:
M1: (on speaker) Kiss my tail pipe, weasel.
AN: And obstacles ahead of you.
M1: (on speaker) Hey, you stupid kids, get out of the way!
AN: With Mike's Auto Mic, you can deal with any driving situation.
M1: (on speaker) Come on people, let's move the accident off the road. Some of us have to get home.
SS: (on speaker) Hey, hitch hiker, you expect me to pick you up dressed like that?
M1: (on speaker) I see you picking your nose up there.
AN: Mike's Auto Mic, let people know that your have places to go and people to see.
M1: (on speaker) Let's move it people, move it!
M2: (on speaker) Shut up back there!
M1: (on speaker) No, you shut up!
(car horns start beeping)
GK: Mike's Auto Mic available at better auto part stores everywhere.
end
Again, I was submitting to ACN frequently at this point. Yes, I would rework PHC rejections when I could, but I submitted a lot of original material, too. I got into a serious song parody phase during this time. Here's what they did with Auto Mic...
