From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This is one of those bits I really loved. I loved when I got the idea. I loved how it flowed as I wrote it, I loved how it came out. And how I kept adapting it as prose, stage sketch and here as a radio bit. It was coming on the end of the year, which meant many companies were dealing with medical plan renewals and sign-ups. It's one of those things you hate to do, but have to. And the plan never seems to get better as the company forces into a new plan. I decided to hit on that and how it felt. And this was years before Obamacare was even a thing. I thought it was a winner but it didn't get used.
Medieval Medical
GK: With the new year coming up, we're being forced to choose a new medical plan, something we really hate to do, but it's not like we have a choice.
TK: We at Med. Medical believe in a more traditional form of medical treatment.
GK: That's encouraging.
TK: Here at Med. Med.---
GK: Med Med?
TK: That's the cute nickname we have for ourselves. What do you think?
GK: It's adorable.
TK: Now we are attempting a return to an older form of practicing medicine.
GK: House calls? A more personal touch?
TK: More than that. Our name says it all; Medieval Medical.
GK: Oh, I see now. That explains this line here on the enrollment form. Most forms ask to choose a primary care physician. You want be to choose---
TK: A primary care barber.
GK: That's what I thought it said. Kind of a throw-back, no?
TK: Sometimes the old ways are the best.
GK: And the purpose of selecting a primary care barber?
TK; You would see him for your annual exams, blood-letting and adjustments of your bodily humours.
GK: I haven't had a good blood-letting in years.
TK: The barber will handle so many of the basic maladies, like warts, hexes---
GK: Plague?
TK: Covered.
GK: Pox?
TK: Covered.
GK: Haircut?
TK: That's cosmetic, not covered.
GK: That could be a deal breaker. Now this prescription plan...
TK: It's a two-tier program, where you may choose between brand-name leeches or generic leeches.
GK: Now, if I need to see a specialist for something.
TK: Like warding off evil spirits or a good stretching?
GK: Okay, for that.
TK: You would need to first see your primary care barber and get a referral to make an appointment with a dentist, optometrist or alchemist.
GK: Okay, I'm writing that down.
TK: We should remind you that you get special discounts on unlimited supplies of castor oil, wolfbane, chicken entrails.
GK: No X-rays, sonograms, EKGs?
TK: Nay! Those are tools of the devil!
GK: I see. All right, Thank you for your presentation. And we'll be getting back to you.
end
TK: We at Med. Medical believe in a more traditional form of medical treatment.
GK: That's encouraging.
TK: Here at Med. Med.---
GK: Med Med?
TK: That's the cute nickname we have for ourselves. What do you think?
GK: It's adorable.
TK: Now we are attempting a return to an older form of practicing medicine.
GK: House calls? A more personal touch?
TK: More than that. Our name says it all; Medieval Medical.
GK: Oh, I see now. That explains this line here on the enrollment form. Most forms ask to choose a primary care physician. You want be to choose---
TK: A primary care barber.
GK: That's what I thought it said. Kind of a throw-back, no?
TK: Sometimes the old ways are the best.
GK: And the purpose of selecting a primary care barber?
TK; You would see him for your annual exams, blood-letting and adjustments of your bodily humours.
GK: I haven't had a good blood-letting in years.
TK: The barber will handle so many of the basic maladies, like warts, hexes---
GK: Plague?
TK: Covered.
GK: Pox?
TK: Covered.
GK: Haircut?
TK: That's cosmetic, not covered.
GK: That could be a deal breaker. Now this prescription plan...
TK: It's a two-tier program, where you may choose between brand-name leeches or generic leeches.
GK: Now, if I need to see a specialist for something.
TK: Like warding off evil spirits or a good stretching?
GK: Okay, for that.
TK: You would need to first see your primary care barber and get a referral to make an appointment with a dentist, optometrist or alchemist.
GK: Okay, I'm writing that down.
TK: We should remind you that you get special discounts on unlimited supplies of castor oil, wolfbane, chicken entrails.
GK: No X-rays, sonograms, EKGs?
TK: Nay! Those are tools of the devil!
GK: I see. All right, Thank you for your presentation. And we'll be getting back to you.
end
