From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Frankly, I don't remember much about this skit at all! I know Land's End was one of their regular sponsors but for the life of me, I don't remember what prompted me to write a sketch about the sponsors. Weird. Hey it was a long time ago and there was a lot of material churned out. My journals don't say much beyond things I sometimes submitted or was awaiting payment on, leading me to the conclusion that I'm a lousy journal keeper. Anyway, it was a no-go, so, here it is...
R & D
GK; One of the main reasons we enjoy doing these shows is the chance to visit with the innovative people at the Land's End Research and Development Department. Always a treat. And joining us is the head of R & D, Dr. Henrietta McPherson. Welcome, doctor.
DR: Thank you for having me.
GK: So what is it you do again, exactly?
DR: Well, Mr. Keillor, fashion statements just don't happen. We work long and hard bringing together fabric, style and a certain woodsy quality.
GK: And you succeed.
DR: Thank you.
GK: Now you have something for us?
DR: Oh, yes, sir. It's something we just finished testing and we're ready to market it.
GK: It looks to be a fanny pack.
DR: Oh, not just a fanny pack.
GK: No, a rather large fanny pack.
DR: We've made the perfect fanny pack.
GK: Granted, my fanny's not the shining example it once was but even at its present girth that's still an awful lot of fanny pack.
DR: But it has to be, to hold all it's features.
GK: What kind of features?
DR: See these cords on the side?
GK: With the hooks.
DR: A synthetic weave tested at over 700 pounds. You could repel down a cliff side in no time.
GK; That is something. And that flap?
DR: This flap comes undone and converts into a pup tent.
GK: That is amazing. And that knob?
DR: A bottle opener. Right here in this pouch...
GK: A cell phone.
DR: No, a satellite phone. You'll be able to call anywhere on the planet with this device. And it is linked to the satellite mapping system. You'll never be lost with it.
And it's internet ready.
GK: Remarkable. What's that?
(zipper sounds)
DR: This here holds your water. About 2 gallons.
GK: That seems a lot.
DR: Dehydration is not pretty, Mr. Keillor. But what if you find yourself suddenly dealing with too much water? A simple tug here and...
(balloon inflation sounds)
DR: It becomes a flotation device.
(beeping noise)
GK: What's that?
DR: That's the distress beacon. It automatically activates when the flotation device is deployed.
GK: So this is a remarkable piece of camping equipment.
DR: Camping? No, this I use to commute to work with. Now if you want to see our camping fanny pack..
GK: Sorry, we're out of time, but thank you again.
end
DR: Thank you for having me.
GK: So what is it you do again, exactly?
DR: Well, Mr. Keillor, fashion statements just don't happen. We work long and hard bringing together fabric, style and a certain woodsy quality.
GK: And you succeed.
DR: Thank you.
GK: Now you have something for us?
DR: Oh, yes, sir. It's something we just finished testing and we're ready to market it.
GK: It looks to be a fanny pack.
DR: Oh, not just a fanny pack.
GK: No, a rather large fanny pack.
DR: We've made the perfect fanny pack.
GK: Granted, my fanny's not the shining example it once was but even at its present girth that's still an awful lot of fanny pack.
DR: But it has to be, to hold all it's features.
GK: What kind of features?
DR: See these cords on the side?
GK: With the hooks.
DR: A synthetic weave tested at over 700 pounds. You could repel down a cliff side in no time.
GK; That is something. And that flap?
DR: This flap comes undone and converts into a pup tent.
GK: That is amazing. And that knob?
DR: A bottle opener. Right here in this pouch...
GK: A cell phone.
DR: No, a satellite phone. You'll be able to call anywhere on the planet with this device. And it is linked to the satellite mapping system. You'll never be lost with it.
And it's internet ready.
GK: Remarkable. What's that?
(zipper sounds)
DR: This here holds your water. About 2 gallons.
GK: That seems a lot.
DR: Dehydration is not pretty, Mr. Keillor. But what if you find yourself suddenly dealing with too much water? A simple tug here and...
(balloon inflation sounds)
DR: It becomes a flotation device.
(beeping noise)
GK: What's that?
DR: That's the distress beacon. It automatically activates when the flotation device is deployed.
GK: So this is a remarkable piece of camping equipment.
DR: Camping? No, this I use to commute to work with. Now if you want to see our camping fanny pack..
GK: Sorry, we're out of time, but thank you again.
end
