From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Again, when all else fails, go with a song parody. Staten Island has a very strong ground hog culture, with our own Staten Island Chuck, who famously bite one mayor and was killed when another mayor killed him by dropping him...allegedly. So, as the month came to a close and Ground Hog Day was within sight, I took the old Elvis song and made it about ground hogs that kinda scans. Anyway, I predicted it wouldn't get picked and it wasn't!
Ground Hog
(to the tune of "Hound Dog")
You ain't nothin' but a ground hog
Hidin' underground.
You ain't nothin' but a ground hog
Hidin' underground.
Well, you ain't never seen your shadow
So spring don't come around.
When you said it was springtime,
Well, you were a joker.
You said winter was over,
Well, you were a joker.
You ain't never seen your shadow
And you ain't no Al Roker.
You ain't nothing' but a ground hog
Shadow's just a guess
You ain't nothing but a ground hog
Shadow's just a guess
Seven weeks of winter? You're
no meteorologist.
