Ketchup Advisory Board
SS: Ketchup was a godsend. After Bob and I broke up and the kids joined the circus, my life had become an existential void, I was on the precipice of an eternal harrowing sorrow. The joy, the meaning, the very definition of life had been leeched from my soul, leaving me the merest husk of a carbon-based life form. It was real depressing, let me tell you.
Sure, my friends sent me ketchup; sometimes in bottles, sometimes in packets that they'd find in fast-food restaurants. Or the occasion ketchup gift pack. But it was like striking a harpsichord in space...hallow, empty, meaningless. It was a vast bleak landscape that stretched before me. Vast and red. Oh, so red. Then the good folks at the Ketchup Advisory Board sent me an e-mail about the latest break-through in ketchup technology. Green ketchup. Yes, green ketchup. By taking regular delicious ketchup and stirring in lots and lots of dyes, they've been able to create a vibrant new family condiment. I bought a bottle. I put it on my french fries. And I giggled! I truly giggled! Then I put it on my hamburger. Looking how it both contrasted and complimented the relish, I chuckled! And when I put it on my scrambled eggs, well I L.O.L-ed! Oh, sorry, that's internet talk for Laughed Out Loud. Soon Bob came back. And so did the kids. We put green ketchup on everything. Sometimes we fill our water guns with green ketchup and have green ketchup wars around the yard. Yes, the joy had returned.
GK: The ketchup Advisory Board is not one to sit on its laurels. We'll forever be extending our reach, pushing the ketchup envelop, and bringing you the latest in ketchup technology.
RD: Colorado sunrise, the mountaintop in fog,
Coffee brewing, flames leap from the logs,
Life is flowing like ketchup on hot dogs.
GK: Ketchup. For the good times.
RD: Ketchup ... ketchup ...