From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Man, I have had no idea what generated this sketch idea. I mean, I reference something called "Words Can Heal" but where would have I heard about that? It sounds like it was some kind of "Be Best" thing of the 'naughts. Reading the sketch, most of it is still applicable. Oh, the hunter/gather bit? I had been working that gag into everything for a while. Finally got it into Cracked as a "Prehistoric Web Page" gag. I still use it ("Oh, he's a hunter, but he identifies as a gatherer." See, still works.) It didn't get picked, though. It's not a bad little bit, but it is very much of the PHC template, so there was never an attempt to re-purpose it elsewhere.
GOSSIP
GK: There's a new series of public service announcements that are making an effort to help make this a kinder and gentler nation. The "Words Can Heal" campaign has begun anew and its goal is to stop gossip. It's beyond any simple "loose lips sink ships" type of talk during wartime, but actual gossip. Idle speculation about people. Sure, the campaign was inspired by the Jewish prohibition against speaking idly about others, but this campaign could have a tough time of it, as gossip as been with us since the dawn of man...
CR: Hi, Og.
OG: Hi, Crag.
CR: Have you seen Ob?
OG: No. What about him?
CR: He's claiming he's walking upright.
OG: Get out!
CR: Yup. Says he's evolved now.
OG: What a knuckle walker.
GK: Yes, gossip has been with us from day one. Recently anthropologists have found prehistoric art in a cave in South Africa. Cave paintings that date back 70,000 years and are an edition of an early tabloid magazine...
SS: Well, tribesmen, I just found out about a certain tribe elder who may not be the mighty hunter we thought. Turns out he's been spotting gathering on more than one occasion.
GK: About 700 B.C. the Greek poet Hesiod said "Gossip is mischievous, light and easy to raise, but grievous to bear and hard to get rid of," adding, "No gossip ever dies away entirely, if many people voice it: it too is a kind of divinity." So gossip preceded him and outlived him too.
SS: Did you hear about Shak and Ke-rah?
TR: What?
SS: Seems Shak's been hanging around Ke-rah's cave whenever Ke-rah is on a hunt.
TR: Really. And what's Cap, mate of Ke-rah, say about it?
SS: Well, she claims Shak is only there to help fashion weapons from stone.
TR: I'll bet. I wonder if she knows about the little Cro-Magnon that Ke-rah keeps in that love cave by the lake of Many Falls.
SS: I heard she did. But you didn't hear of from me.
GK: Hateful talk is bad, and words can wound, but as American poet Phyllis McGinley said in 1957: "Gossip isn't scandal and it's not merely malicious. It's chatter about the human race by lovers of the same." Anyway, that's what I heard...
end
CR: Hi, Og.
OG: Hi, Crag.
CR: Have you seen Ob?
OG: No. What about him?
CR: He's claiming he's walking upright.
OG: Get out!
CR: Yup. Says he's evolved now.
OG: What a knuckle walker.
GK: Yes, gossip has been with us from day one. Recently anthropologists have found prehistoric art in a cave in South Africa. Cave paintings that date back 70,000 years and are an edition of an early tabloid magazine...
SS: Well, tribesmen, I just found out about a certain tribe elder who may not be the mighty hunter we thought. Turns out he's been spotting gathering on more than one occasion.
GK: About 700 B.C. the Greek poet Hesiod said "Gossip is mischievous, light and easy to raise, but grievous to bear and hard to get rid of," adding, "No gossip ever dies away entirely, if many people voice it: it too is a kind of divinity." So gossip preceded him and outlived him too.
SS: Did you hear about Shak and Ke-rah?
TR: What?
SS: Seems Shak's been hanging around Ke-rah's cave whenever Ke-rah is on a hunt.
TR: Really. And what's Cap, mate of Ke-rah, say about it?
SS: Well, she claims Shak is only there to help fashion weapons from stone.
TR: I'll bet. I wonder if she knows about the little Cro-Magnon that Ke-rah keeps in that love cave by the lake of Many Falls.
SS: I heard she did. But you didn't hear of from me.
GK: Hateful talk is bad, and words can wound, but as American poet Phyllis McGinley said in 1957: "Gossip isn't scandal and it's not merely malicious. It's chatter about the human race by lovers of the same." Anyway, that's what I heard...
end
