From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This sketch featured out old friend inflation. Remember when gas prices got bad and we had to vote Carter out of office? Then gas prices rose under George W. and everyone was cool with it? Then supermarket prices started going up and there was nothing to do but cut taxes for the wealthy and invade Iraq. Well, when I read that milk at the time cost more than gasoline, it reminded me of the old conspiracy theory about how Big Oil destroyed plans for a car that ran on water. And that's always the thing, people are trying to invent the future but really have no idea what it'll take to do that. The future is just going to shape itself and all we can do is attempt to solve the problems of the present. No need to drag the future into it. But that's getting far afield from the point of the sketch, which is...better luck next time! Similar to the rejection I got on it...
Glimpse into Tomorrow
GK: We often like to present glimpses of the future, as we have inventors present some of their more cutting edge innovations. So, this evening on Glimpse into Tomorrow we have Prof. Henry Hedgewick joining us. Come out professor. No, please, come out here.
HH: Aah, well, yes. Hello, Mr. Garrison. A pleasure to be here.
GK: So, Professor, I understand you have devise a new source of energy.
HH: Yes. After many long hard years of research and experimentation and trial and error, I have developed a new kind of combustion engine, one that does not use petroleum products for fuel.
GK: This is amazing. So you have a motor which can power automobiles without gasoline or diesel?
HH: Correct. I've developed an engine that uses an organic, renewable source of energy.
GK: The implications of this are astounding. Something like this could remove our dependence on foreign oil and preserve our natural resources.
HH: Correct again. It's a product grown right here in America.
GK: Truly amazing. And with gasoline prices soaring to new heights, this could be a minor miracle for the economy.
HH: Exactly!
GK: What is the new fuel, professor?
HH: Milk.
GK: I'm sorry...
HH: Milk. I can get 35 miles per gallon with regular, 25 miles with skim.
GK: You have a car that runs on milk?
HH: And certain soft cheeses.
GK: Have you been in the supermarket lately?
HH: I've been locked away in my laboratory for years working on this thing. Why?
GK: Right now milk is much more expensive than gasoline.
HH: Really? That's nuts!
GK: Nonetheless. We appreciate your attempts, but it seems a bit of a lateral move.
HH: Oh, dear. I was so close. I gave up work on my nuclear powered barbecue grill to work on this full time.
GK: That's a shame, professor, when current events overtake you like that.
HH: Well, it's just one more failure on my way to success. Now I can begin work on my solar-powered flash light.
GK: Good luck on that, professor. And perhaps we can have you back for another....Glimpse into Tomorrow.
end
HH: Aah, well, yes. Hello, Mr. Garrison. A pleasure to be here.
GK: So, Professor, I understand you have devise a new source of energy.
HH: Yes. After many long hard years of research and experimentation and trial and error, I have developed a new kind of combustion engine, one that does not use petroleum products for fuel.
GK: This is amazing. So you have a motor which can power automobiles without gasoline or diesel?
HH: Correct. I've developed an engine that uses an organic, renewable source of energy.
GK: The implications of this are astounding. Something like this could remove our dependence on foreign oil and preserve our natural resources.
HH: Correct again. It's a product grown right here in America.
GK: Truly amazing. And with gasoline prices soaring to new heights, this could be a minor miracle for the economy.
HH: Exactly!
GK: What is the new fuel, professor?
HH: Milk.
GK: I'm sorry...
HH: Milk. I can get 35 miles per gallon with regular, 25 miles with skim.
GK: You have a car that runs on milk?
HH: And certain soft cheeses.
GK: Have you been in the supermarket lately?
HH: I've been locked away in my laboratory for years working on this thing. Why?
GK: Right now milk is much more expensive than gasoline.
HH: Really? That's nuts!
GK: Nonetheless. We appreciate your attempts, but it seems a bit of a lateral move.
HH: Oh, dear. I was so close. I gave up work on my nuclear powered barbecue grill to work on this full time.
GK: That's a shame, professor, when current events overtake you like that.
HH: Well, it's just one more failure on my way to success. Now I can begin work on my solar-powered flash light.
GK: Good luck on that, professor. And perhaps we can have you back for another....Glimpse into Tomorrow.
end
