From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
I'm guessing there must have been some genetic engineering news floating around back in September 2003. Along with lots of Harry Potter and fantasy films with their fantastic beasts. And when the title Faux Paws popped into my head, well, a sketch was born. It's a standard commercial parody, and PHC never shied away from those, especially if it had an SFX spin to it, coming up with weird animal noises, but they passed on it. But it has a happy ending, as I was able to sell it elsewhere. I've included the audio at the bottom of the post...
Faux Paws
(AN: Announcer, GF: Goldfish, CT: Centur, GK)
AN: Would you love to own a pet but can't due to crippling allergies or pesky phobias? Then you need to see Faux Paws, the latest in genetically engineered house pets. Love cats but not their dander? Well, we've crossed the genes of a cat with those of a canary to give you these delightful feathered feline. No more fur balls to hack up for you, eh, kitty?
(Weird bird-like cat sound)
AN: Looking for a dog but without that annoying barking? Then listen to what a little engineering with mouse genes can do!
(tiny squeak-like bark)
AN: Or this exotic goldfish. We're not sure what's in it, but it's cute as a button and sharp as a tack!
GF: Help me! I'm drowning!
AN: Come to Faux Paws for the genetically engineered pet of your dreams. What you say? "When pigs fly?" Well, at Faux Paws, they do!
(wings flapping, oinking)
AN: And soon we'll be offering a delightful array of new types of pets, from griffins and unicorns to a phoenix or centaur.
CT: Wilbur!
GK: Faux Paws, for all your pet and pet-like needs.
end
AN: Would you love to own a pet but can't due to crippling allergies or pesky phobias? Then you need to see Faux Paws, the latest in genetically engineered house pets. Love cats but not their dander? Well, we've crossed the genes of a cat with those of a canary to give you these delightful feathered feline. No more fur balls to hack up for you, eh, kitty?
(Weird bird-like cat sound)
AN: Looking for a dog but without that annoying barking? Then listen to what a little engineering with mouse genes can do!
(tiny squeak-like bark)
AN: Or this exotic goldfish. We're not sure what's in it, but it's cute as a button and sharp as a tack!
GF: Help me! I'm drowning!
AN: Come to Faux Paws for the genetically engineered pet of your dreams. What you say? "When pigs fly?" Well, at Faux Paws, they do!
(wings flapping, oinking)
AN: And soon we'll be offering a delightful array of new types of pets, from griffins and unicorns to a phoenix or centaur.
CT: Wilbur!
GK: Faux Paws, for all your pet and pet-like needs.
end
After PHC turned it down, I sent it off to ACN, and they produced it, so here's the re-vamped version that reached the airwaves...
