AN: Would you love to own a pet but can't due to crippling allergies or pesky phobias? Then you need to see Faux Paws, the latest in genetically engineered house pets. Love cats but not their dander? Well, we've crossed the genes of a cat with those of a canary to give you these delightful feathered feline. No more fur balls to hack up for you, eh, kitty?
(Weird bird-like cat sound)
AN: Looking for a dog but without that annoying barking? Then listen to what a little engineering with mouse genes can do!
(tiny squeak-like bark)
AN: Or this exotic goldfish. We're not sure what's in it, but it's cute as a button and sharp as a tack!
GF: Help me! I'm drowning!
AN: Come to Faux Paws for the genetically engineered pet of your dreams. What you say? "When pigs fly?" Well, at Faux Paws, they do!
(wings flapping, oinking)
AN: And soon we'll be offering a delightful array of new types of pets, from griffins and unicorns to a phoenix or centaur.
GK: Faux Paws, for all your pet and pet-like needs.