From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell "prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
They were still traveling around the country, but it was Fathers Day weekend, so I went that route with the material I submitted. I would note that a lot of these things are taken from real life events, stuff I received and did, along with stuff my dad received and did. And I broke it up into 2 quick sketches. It was not something they did often, but it just seemed to work for these bits...nothing too long and dragged out, linked by topic, so it would flow naturally. But, they didn't get picked. So, for Fathers Day, I'd like to present:
DUCT TAPE FOR FATHER'S DAY
DUCT TAPE FOR FATHER'S DAY I
by Dan Fiorella
TR: Remember the vacation where you drove to the beach? Remember the car breaking down in the middle of nowhere? You thought the vacation was ruined? But dad fixed the car. He taped up the radiator hose with some duct tape. Remember?
SS: Yes, I do remember. What a great summer that was. But what's your point exactly?
TR: Father's Day is coming up.
SS: Yes. And?
TR: A present for dad.
SS: What?
TR: Duct tape is the perfect Father's Day gift. Useful and attractive. Your dad will love it. Duct tape, the gift that keeps on giving.
(QUACKS)
GK: Duct tape... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
THE END
by Dan Fiorella
TR: Remember the vacation where you drove to the beach? Remember the car breaking down in the middle of nowhere? You thought the vacation was ruined? But dad fixed the car. He taped up the radiator hose with some duct tape. Remember?
SS: Yes, I do remember. What a great summer that was. But what's your point exactly?
TR: Father's Day is coming up.
SS: Yes. And?
TR: A present for dad.
SS: What?
TR: Duct tape is the perfect Father's Day gift. Useful and attractive. Your dad will love it. Duct tape, the gift that keeps on giving.
(QUACKS)
GK: Duct tape... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (DUCKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
THE END
DUCT TAPE FOR FATHER'S DAY II
DUCT TAPE FOR FATHER'S DAY II
by Dan Fiorella
TR: Father's Day is coming up.
SS: Yes, I know, I know.
TR: What are you going to get him?
SS: I don't know.
TR: Remember that letter opener you gave him last year, with the duck on the handle?
SS: Yes, yes I do.
TR: He hated it.
SS: What? He said he loved it.
TR: He was just being polite.
SS: Oh.
TR: Remember the tie you gave him the year before? The one with the hand-painted sunset?
SS: Yes.
TR: He hated that, too.
SS: You're a lot of help.
TR: Remember when the bathroom sink started leaking?
SS: Oh, yeah.
TR: Remember how your dad fixed it?
SS: He wrapped a lot of duct tape around the pipes. He's always doing stuff with duct tape.
TR: That's right. He fixed the window screens with it.
SS: And the car upholstery. You know, once we built an entire science fair project out of wire hangers and duct tape.
TR: Those were special times, made possible by duct tape. For Father's Day, get dad the useful gift that keeps dad busy and out of trouble.
SS: I'm getting duct tape.
(QUACKS)
GK: Duct tape... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (QUACKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
THE END
by Dan Fiorella
TR: Father's Day is coming up.
SS: Yes, I know, I know.
TR: What are you going to get him?
SS: I don't know.
TR: Remember that letter opener you gave him last year, with the duck on the handle?
SS: Yes, yes I do.
TR: He hated it.
SS: What? He said he loved it.
TR: He was just being polite.
SS: Oh.
TR: Remember the tie you gave him the year before? The one with the hand-painted sunset?
SS: Yes.
TR: He hated that, too.
SS: You're a lot of help.
TR: Remember when the bathroom sink started leaking?
SS: Oh, yeah.
TR: Remember how your dad fixed it?
SS: He wrapped a lot of duct tape around the pipes. He's always doing stuff with duct tape.
TR: That's right. He fixed the window screens with it.
SS: And the car upholstery. You know, once we built an entire science fair project out of wire hangers and duct tape.
TR: Those were special times, made possible by duct tape. For Father's Day, get dad the useful gift that keeps dad busy and out of trouble.
SS: I'm getting duct tape.
(QUACKS)
GK: Duct tape... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (QUACKS) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
THE END
