
Eating Out

(restaurant noises)
MN: I heard great things about this new restaurant.
WO: Me, too.
MT: Good evening. May I help you?
MN: Yes, table for two please.
MT: Of course. Smoking or non-smoking?
MN: Non-smoking.
MT: Table or booth?
WO: Oh, a booth, please.
MT: Very good. Cell phone or non-cell phone?
MN: Excuse me?
MT: We have a section for those who wish to be allowed to receive or make cell calls while dining.
WO: Oh, well, non-cell phone, then.
MN: Yes, non-cell.
MT: As you wish. Freshly ground pepper or non-freshly ground pepper?
MN: What?
MT: Freshly ground pepper or non-freshly ground pepper?
WO: Does that mean in one section you have fresh ground pepper and the other you use stale pepper?
MT: No, no. One section we have for people who like ground pepper and another section for people who don't like ground pepper.
WO: Oh. I like ground pepper.
MN: What if they put ground pepper on everything? Even dessert?
WO: That sounds silly. Do you put ground pepper on everything including dessert?
MT: Indeed.
BOTH: Non-ground pepper, please.
MT: Farting or non-farting?
MN: Oh, come on.
WO: Honey, don't many cultures considered farting after a meal a compliment?
MN: No, that's belching.
MT: Ah, you would like the belching section then?
MN: No, no belching or passing gas.
MT: It'll be about 90 minutes for a table.
WO: Ninety minutes?
MN: What about all those tables? They seem to be empty.
MT: That's the smoking section, our ground-pepper section, that's the non-talking section. The No-kids section and the non-MSG section.
WO: You use MSG?
MT: Tons of it.
WO: Maybe we should sit there.
MN: Okay.
MT: Right this way.
MN: Thank you.
MT: Now, will this be cash or charge?
end