From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Here's one of those bits that never dies. I present it now because just barely touches on Easter. This started as a prose piece, just a list of recipes written down by Julia Childish. It included a recipe for Easter Egg Salad, which didn't make the jump to sketch form. It was fairly easy to turn it into a radio skit, I just brought in the character of Julia Childish to walk us through the recipes. I must confess that the Julia Childish here is Dan Aykroyd doing Julia Child. I didn't really know the French Chef. After this version, I just went back to submitting the prose version, also without much success. I can see where it didn't get used by PHC (too many Oreos references?) but I thought I caught GK's voice very well and the interplay between the two characters was solid and they had done a Julia Child character before. Oh, well.
And who won't want to find a copy of "Novel Concept" in their Easter basket? You can get yours at Amazon, hard copy or digital. It's a wacky, crazy tale of a young author on a quest to write the perfect history of the Pony Express but who then gets seriously sidetracked by stowaways, French heiresses, drug lords, mythical kingdoms and murderous Senators. It's a serious of unfortunate events all in ONE book!
Julia Childish Cooking Segment
(GK, JC: Julia Childish)
GK: This week on our Prairie Home Kitchen, we have our very own radio cook, Julia Childish. Good to see you, Julia.
JC: Good to see you, too, Mr. Keillor.
GK: So what are we cooking up today, Julia?
JC: Oh, cooking up..ha-ha, I like that! May I use it?
GK: Sure, go right ahead, but I should warn you, it's really
not original.
JC: You mean you didn't just make that up?
GK: No. Sorry.
JC: How disappointing. I'm quite disillusioned now.
GK: We really need you do get over it, Julia. You have some wonderful recipes, right?
JC: Oh, yes, they're from my latest cookbook, "The Childish cookbook". It contains special recipes that have been in the Childish family for years.
GK: For instance?
JC: Triple Stuff Oreos.
GK: Triple Stuff? How do you make that?
JC: Well, your ingredients are a bag of Double stuff Oreos and a bag of Regular Oreos. Open them up like so...
(paper tearing, cookies dropping in plate)
JC: Pry apart an Oreo. Using my little spatula, carefully peel the creme middle from the Oreo. You can use a butter knife if necessary, but I really prefer the little spatula. It's so useful for so many things.
GK: Okay, now what do I do with the creme?
JC: Set it aside a moment on this sheet of wax paper. Now, we're going to carefully pry apart a Double Stuff Oreo. I find a nice quick counter-clockwise twist does the trick. Now, place the creme you've just removed on the double stuff creme middle. Replace cookie wafer. Serve with chocolate milk. After a couple of these it becomes quite a rush. Now, I've already prepared some to show you how the finished dish looks...My! They're gone! Where are my triple stuffed Oreos?
GK: Staff? Staff, Anyone see the cookies?
(full mouths all mumble "no")
GK: No, it seems no one's seen them. But what do we do with all these naked wafers?
JC; Oh, I haven't forgotten about them. They go perfect with my Halloween Salsa.
GK: Halloween Salsa. Sounds interesting. How do we make that?
JC: We need a can of cake frosting; I prefer chocolate, and we mix in a handful of candy corn and a small bag of hot tamales candies and Ole! Then simply use the wafers for dipping. Goes great with a bottle of soda!
GK: Wow. I can feel the teeth in my head rotting away already. What do you have set up over here?
JC: This is a recipe my mother would make for us just before any marathons we'd run. It's called Peanut Butter and Jellybean Sandwiches.
GK; I'm guessing your dad had a really good dental plan.
JC: Oh, very good. He was a union man, you know.
GK: This looks pretty easy to make.
JC: Oh, indeed yes. You need a couple of slices of bread. I spread one slice with a generous portion of peanut butter. You can use a butter knife, but I prefer my little spatula.
GK: I guess that would make it a peanut butter knife.
JC: Did you just make that up?
GK: Ah, yes.
JC: Oh, very good! Delightful! Now, once the peanut butter is on, you sprinkle on a handful of jellybeans. Top with the second slice of bread and voila!
GK: Hmmm.
JC: We found the peanut butter was a big help in eating this sandwich. Otherwise the jelly beans keep falling out.
GK: You used to eat jelly bean sandwiches?
JC: Oh, yes. And they're not just for Easter anymore.
GK: Thanks Julia, for sharing yet more one of your famous Childish recipes.
JC: Next time, mud pies!
the end
GK: This week on our Prairie Home Kitchen, we have our very own radio cook, Julia Childish. Good to see you, Julia.
JC: Good to see you, too, Mr. Keillor.
GK: So what are we cooking up today, Julia?
JC: Oh, cooking up..ha-ha, I like that! May I use it?
GK: Sure, go right ahead, but I should warn you, it's really
not original.
JC: You mean you didn't just make that up?
GK: No. Sorry.
JC: How disappointing. I'm quite disillusioned now.
GK: We really need you do get over it, Julia. You have some wonderful recipes, right?
JC: Oh, yes, they're from my latest cookbook, "The Childish cookbook". It contains special recipes that have been in the Childish family for years.
GK: For instance?
JC: Triple Stuff Oreos.
GK: Triple Stuff? How do you make that?
JC: Well, your ingredients are a bag of Double stuff Oreos and a bag of Regular Oreos. Open them up like so...
(paper tearing, cookies dropping in plate)
JC: Pry apart an Oreo. Using my little spatula, carefully peel the creme middle from the Oreo. You can use a butter knife if necessary, but I really prefer the little spatula. It's so useful for so many things.
GK: Okay, now what do I do with the creme?
JC: Set it aside a moment on this sheet of wax paper. Now, we're going to carefully pry apart a Double Stuff Oreo. I find a nice quick counter-clockwise twist does the trick. Now, place the creme you've just removed on the double stuff creme middle. Replace cookie wafer. Serve with chocolate milk. After a couple of these it becomes quite a rush. Now, I've already prepared some to show you how the finished dish looks...My! They're gone! Where are my triple stuffed Oreos?
GK: Staff? Staff, Anyone see the cookies?
(full mouths all mumble "no")
GK: No, it seems no one's seen them. But what do we do with all these naked wafers?
JC; Oh, I haven't forgotten about them. They go perfect with my Halloween Salsa.
GK: Halloween Salsa. Sounds interesting. How do we make that?
JC: We need a can of cake frosting; I prefer chocolate, and we mix in a handful of candy corn and a small bag of hot tamales candies and Ole! Then simply use the wafers for dipping. Goes great with a bottle of soda!
GK: Wow. I can feel the teeth in my head rotting away already. What do you have set up over here?
JC: This is a recipe my mother would make for us just before any marathons we'd run. It's called Peanut Butter and Jellybean Sandwiches.
GK; I'm guessing your dad had a really good dental plan.
JC: Oh, very good. He was a union man, you know.
GK: This looks pretty easy to make.
JC: Oh, indeed yes. You need a couple of slices of bread. I spread one slice with a generous portion of peanut butter. You can use a butter knife, but I prefer my little spatula.
GK: I guess that would make it a peanut butter knife.
JC: Did you just make that up?
GK: Ah, yes.
JC: Oh, very good! Delightful! Now, once the peanut butter is on, you sprinkle on a handful of jellybeans. Top with the second slice of bread and voila!
GK: Hmmm.
JC: We found the peanut butter was a big help in eating this sandwich. Otherwise the jelly beans keep falling out.
GK: You used to eat jelly bean sandwiches?
JC: Oh, yes. And they're not just for Easter anymore.
GK: Thanks Julia, for sharing yet more one of your famous Childish recipes.
JC: Next time, mud pies!
the end
Here's the prose version of the idea, as written for (based on the department heading) for Mad. Who passed. As did Cracked, even after I set up shop there.
Cook's Tour Dept.
The Julia Childish Cookbook
Hello everyone! It’s time to return to the playroom to whip up some of my delightful kiddie cusine! They are so good you’ll go poo-poo!
Halloween Salsa
Ingredients: 1 can cake frosting
1 bag candy corn
1 small bag hot tamale candy
Empty frosting into a medium-sized bowl. Mix in candy corn
and tamales and OLE! A fun party dip. Serve with chocolate
chip cookies.
Easter Egg Salad
Ingredients: 1 dozen Easter eggs
1 cup mayonnaise
Find Easter eggs (best time: Easter morning). Peel and chop.
Add mayonnaise to the multi-colored eggs. Makes 5-6
Sandwiches. Serve with chocolate chip cookies.
Mud Pie ala Julia
Ingredients: 1 cup water
1 cup dirt
Mix dirt and water. Form patties. Sprinkle with sand and
garnish with grass. Serve with sticks.
Peanut Butter and Chocolate Sandwich
ingredients: 1/4 cup peanut butter
1 chocolate bar
2 slices bread.
Spread peanut butter on bread. Add candy bar and close
sandwich. Serve with chocolate chip cookies.
Sugar Rush Party Mix
Mix equal parts M&Ms, Reese's Pieces, chocolate Kisses in a
bowl.
Candy Cane-ka-bobs
Skewer Milky Ways, Mars Bars, Snickers, on a candy cane. Serve
with chocolate chip cookies
Pretzel Fondue
Melt chocolate bars in the fondue pot. Dip in pretzel sticks
and eat warm.
Triple Stuff Oreo's
Ingredients: Double stuff Oreo's
Regular Oreo's.
Pry apart a double stuff Oreo. Pry apart an Oreo. Carefully
peel the creme middle from the Oreo and place in on the double
stuff creme middle. Replace cookie wafer. Serve with
chocolate chip cookies.
Next month:
Macaroni & Cheesecake
Spaghetti and Gumballs
Jawbreakfast
The Julia Childish Cookbook
Hello everyone! It’s time to return to the playroom to whip up some of my delightful kiddie cusine! They are so good you’ll go poo-poo!
Halloween Salsa
Ingredients: 1 can cake frosting
1 bag candy corn
1 small bag hot tamale candy
Empty frosting into a medium-sized bowl. Mix in candy corn
and tamales and OLE! A fun party dip. Serve with chocolate
chip cookies.
Easter Egg Salad
Ingredients: 1 dozen Easter eggs
1 cup mayonnaise
Find Easter eggs (best time: Easter morning). Peel and chop.
Add mayonnaise to the multi-colored eggs. Makes 5-6
Sandwiches. Serve with chocolate chip cookies.
Mud Pie ala Julia
Ingredients: 1 cup water
1 cup dirt
Mix dirt and water. Form patties. Sprinkle with sand and
garnish with grass. Serve with sticks.
Peanut Butter and Chocolate Sandwich
ingredients: 1/4 cup peanut butter
1 chocolate bar
2 slices bread.
Spread peanut butter on bread. Add candy bar and close
sandwich. Serve with chocolate chip cookies.
Sugar Rush Party Mix
Mix equal parts M&Ms, Reese's Pieces, chocolate Kisses in a
bowl.
Candy Cane-ka-bobs
Skewer Milky Ways, Mars Bars, Snickers, on a candy cane. Serve
with chocolate chip cookies
Pretzel Fondue
Melt chocolate bars in the fondue pot. Dip in pretzel sticks
and eat warm.
Triple Stuff Oreo's
Ingredients: Double stuff Oreo's
Regular Oreo's.
Pry apart a double stuff Oreo. Pry apart an Oreo. Carefully
peel the creme middle from the Oreo and place in on the double
stuff creme middle. Replace cookie wafer. Serve with
chocolate chip cookies.
Next month:
Macaroni & Cheesecake
Spaghetti and Gumballs
Jawbreakfast
