From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
While sorting through my old files, I came upon this sketch. I didn't remember it. I certainly don't remember doing much in the way of Easter skits, so this was a surprise to me.
As I mentioned elsewhere on the blog, I was always watching the calendar while I was writing for PHC, so if their schedule overlapped with any holidays, I would try to tailor something for them. Christmas, naturally, was the easiest. Easter, less so. I've only come across two Easter-themed bits. Being practical, I was always looking to shoehorn something into one of their regular bits; duct tape, ketchup, Guy Noir. Sometimes it worked. More often it didn't. It's a silly little bit that we're saving for the holiday...
As I mentioned elsewhere on the blog, I was always watching the calendar while I was writing for PHC, so if their schedule overlapped with any holidays, I would try to tailor something for them. Christmas, naturally, was the easiest. Easter, less so. I've only come across two Easter-themed bits. Being practical, I was always looking to shoehorn something into one of their regular bits; duct tape, ketchup, Guy Noir. Sometimes it worked. More often it didn't. It's a silly little bit that we're saving for the holiday...
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DUCT TAPE FOR EASTER
SS: I love Easter, but I hate what it does to my hard-boiled eggs. The colors are washed out and when I drop them they crack and break. And then there aren't enough left to make my famous multi-colored egg salad. Gee, Bill, how do you keep you eggs so perfect?
TR: Duct tape.
(SFX: QUACK)
GK: Yes, duct tape. When the holidays are here and your fragile eggs simply can't bear up to the pressure, duct tape is the solution. It's egg-actly what you need.
SS: Duct tape, Bill?
TR: You bet. I wrap each egg in a strip of duct tape.
SS: That's why they have that nice metal sheen to them.
TR: No messy dying. No goofy little tablets and vinegar. Heck, I don't even have to boil them if I don't want to. After an application of duct tape they can handle even the toughest of egg hunts. And if I find one of those stragglers weeks later, clean-up's a snap with duct tape.
SS: Next year, I'm getting duct tape!
GK: Duct tape... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (QUACK) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
THE END
TR: Duct tape.
(SFX: QUACK)
GK: Yes, duct tape. When the holidays are here and your fragile eggs simply can't bear up to the pressure, duct tape is the solution. It's egg-actly what you need.
SS: Duct tape, Bill?
TR: You bet. I wrap each egg in a strip of duct tape.
SS: That's why they have that nice metal sheen to them.
TR: No messy dying. No goofy little tablets and vinegar. Heck, I don't even have to boil them if I don't want to. After an application of duct tape they can handle even the toughest of egg hunts. And if I find one of those stragglers weeks later, clean-up's a snap with duct tape.
SS: Next year, I'm getting duct tape!
GK: Duct tape... it's almost just about the only thing you need sometimes, duct tape. (QUACK) A message from the American Duct Tape Council.
THE END
