From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This is one of my mash-up sketches, one of my earliest, actually. The movie "Mommie Dearest" had come out, telling the strange tales of Joan Crawford and her daughter. But what if, instead of Joan, it was Curly Howard? Then you got something! The movie came out in 1981. The Stooges were having another moment, with home video coming out, culminating with the novelty song "The Curly Shuffle" in 1984. However the idea came to me, it did. I wrote it up. I presented to a workshop I was in during the early 80s and got a really good reaction to it. In fact, one guy in the group loved it, he wanted to see if he could produce it as a short film and show it at festivals and what not. That never happened. Or came close to happening. The workshop was very much powered by dreams and unicorn dust. But it was a solid bit and I'd pull it out whenever I could.
Like in April of 2004, for instance. PHC was still in NY. I was still trying to revive my statue with the show, and still feeling nostalgia was my strongest suit (ala "Abbott & Othello") I decided to pull "Curly Dearest" out of the drawer (a literal drawer, it was a type-written script) and attempted to turn it into a radio skit. Yeah, that was my first hurdle, turning slapstick and sight gags into aural-gags. In the intro, I mention there was a Three Stooges bio coming to TV. That was hurdle two; Keillor didn't know from TV. I knew that, yet figured the Stooge angle would compensate for that. And it ends abruptly. It was a much longer sketch, with more interplay and more violence. Anticipating the usual editing any of my bits would suffer, I decided to cut it down myself. But I played with the sound effects nicely.
In the end, it just wasn't a good fit for PHC. Too many actors? They only had two voice actors (Tim Russell & Sue Scott). And I had three stooges, so already it was under-cast. I'll have to hunt to see if I have a copy of the original version kicking around to post here down the road. It's really a funny skit and the plot and situation hold together well. Oh, well. And here's the thing...I would do it again, even it an old bit wasn't a good fit. I still believe that a sketch could hit an unexpected chord with a troupe. I'm always certain that it might spark a fire for some actors, make them try something that they wouldn't have normally considered. And, as always, I would hope anything I submit would show my range. It's certainly the reason I post my material here now...
Like in April of 2004, for instance. PHC was still in NY. I was still trying to revive my statue with the show, and still feeling nostalgia was my strongest suit (ala "Abbott & Othello") I decided to pull "Curly Dearest" out of the drawer (a literal drawer, it was a type-written script) and attempted to turn it into a radio skit. Yeah, that was my first hurdle, turning slapstick and sight gags into aural-gags. In the intro, I mention there was a Three Stooges bio coming to TV. That was hurdle two; Keillor didn't know from TV. I knew that, yet figured the Stooge angle would compensate for that. And it ends abruptly. It was a much longer sketch, with more interplay and more violence. Anticipating the usual editing any of my bits would suffer, I decided to cut it down myself. But I played with the sound effects nicely.
In the end, it just wasn't a good fit for PHC. Too many actors? They only had two voice actors (Tim Russell & Sue Scott). And I had three stooges, so already it was under-cast. I'll have to hunt to see if I have a copy of the original version kicking around to post here down the road. It's really a funny skit and the plot and situation hold together well. Oh, well. And here's the thing...I would do it again, even it an old bit wasn't a good fit. I still believe that a sketch could hit an unexpected chord with a troupe. I'm always certain that it might spark a fire for some actors, make them try something that they wouldn't have normally considered. And, as always, I would hope anything I submit would show my range. It's certainly the reason I post my material here now...
CURLY DEAREST
(GK, Christina, Moe, Curley)
GK: Sure, the Three Stooges are about to get their own TV movie, but that movie isn't going to tell you the whole story. Only we are committed to telling you the whole, dark stooge saga. So join us now for this special presentation, "Curly Dearest." We take you back to the 1930's to the bedroom of a young, innocent girl...
SS: ---And bless my friends and bless my Uncle Moe, my Uncle Larry and my Uncle Shemp and bless mommy and please God, bless daddy. I know he seems mean to me but they say the
life of a famous actor isn't easy, so sometimes he acts mean. I know he loves me. Amen.
CH: (far off) Christina, you didn't kiss daddy good night!
SS: I'm strapped in now, daddy dearest. Will you come in?
CH: Cirt'nly Christina. How's my little goil? You want daddy to tell you a bedtime story? No? How about our little game?
SS: Please, no, daddy.
CH: Christina, play the game. Now!
SS: Okay.
CH: Good goil. Now, pick two fingers.
SS: One, two.
(Violin plink)
SS: Ow! My eye!
CH: Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck! That was fun! Now off to sleep.
SS: Good night.
CH: Good ni--what's that? A wire hanger? Wire hanger! Wooo-Woo-Woo!
(Crashing sounds. Woo-woo-wooing continues)
SS: Uncle Moe! Uncle Larry!
MH: What's up, shortcake?
SS: It's daddy!
MH: I'll hold him down, Larry, you hit him with the mallet.
(clunk sound)
MH: Hmmm, better try the two by four.
(bigger clunk sound)
MH: That did the trick.
CH: Thanks, Moe!
LF; What happened?
CH: The kid's got a wire hanger!
MH: Holy mackerel! Hey, kid, you oughtn't have these around. They make your father crazy.
CH: I'm sorry, Uncle Moe.
MH: Okay, kiddo. Where'd you get a wire hanger anyhow?
CH: On the dress Uncle Larry gave me for my birthday.
MH: Oh, trouble maker, eh?
LF: It was an accident, Moe, honest!
MH: I'll accident you, you knucklehead!
(violin plink, drum pound)
SS: Good night, Uncle Moe, good-night, Uncle Larry! Are you okay, daddy dearest?
CH: I think so. You go to sleep now.
SS: Okay. Could you turn on my music box, please?
CH: Cirt'nly.
("Pop Goes the Weasel" starts playing. Curley starts barking. Crashing noises.)
SS: Uncle Moe! Uncle Larry!
MH: Now what?
LF: He's chasing his tail!
MH: Turn off the music!
(Music stops. Curly keeps barking)
MH: Use the wrench!
(a metal clank. Curly woo-woo-woos)
MH: Better use the crowbar!
(a louder metallic clank.)
MH: Easy, boy, easy. What happened?
CH: I don't remember. I must got magnesia!
LF: It's the music, Moe. Does it every time.
MH: What do you wanna go scaring the kid for? Where'd you learn how to treat people?
(slapping sounds)
CH: I'm a victim of circumstance!
LF: I'll show you child-raisin' what is child-raisin'!
MH: I'll raise you off the floor!
(slapping, crashing, clanking sounds)
MH: Maybe me and Larry should move in to help you!
CH: Move in! Oh no! Gimme that music box!
("Pop Goes the Weasel" starts playing, chaos ensues.)
(play out with the Stooges theme)
end
