From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Once upon a time we used to watch movies on video tape cassettes. The home video market was exploding as people wanted to get the latest release ASAP and for cheap. Enter the video pirates, people who would go into movie theaters and record movies off the screen with their cam-corders. This was before cellphones when sneaking a video camera into a theater could be tricky. I think that's all the context you need to read the bit. It was a hot topic back then and I had attempted to tackle it a couple of times. Just merging the ideas of high-tech and classic pirates was too strong to resist. Who doesn't like a sketch with pirate lingo? PHC, apparently. They didn't bite.
Copyright Pirates
GK: And now it's time for another exciting tale of copyright piracy as we present this week's episode of "The Copyright Pirates."
(seagulls, buoy clang, wind blows)
JOHN: Avast, ye hardies! Land ho!
PIRATE: Aye, Long John, what sees ye?
JOHN: 'Tis a multiplex and aye, she's an invitin' target. All hands on deck and prepare to board.
PIRATE: What's playing?
JOHN: The latest Spielberg...and that new Adam Sandler comedy. Everyone got their palm-corders?
CREW: Aye!
JOHN: We'll all be up to our mizzenmast with bootleg booty tonight. Now, remember, hold you cameras steady. I'll keelhaul the next blagart who ruins a tape with shaky camera work. And no sittin' too close to the screen. And for the love of Davy Jones' Locker, no unwrapping candy while you're tapin'
CREW: Aye!
JOHN: Everyone got their student discount cards?
CREW: Aye!
JOHN: Then be off with you, lads. Over the sides you go! 'Tis a good crew, eh, Polly?
PARROT: Pieces of popcorn, pieces of popcorn.
GK: Tune in next time for "the Copyright Pirates" as we hear Long John say:
JOHN: You left the lens cap on! You'll walk the plank for that!
GK: That's next time on "the Copyright Pirates."
end
(seagulls, buoy clang, wind blows)
JOHN: Avast, ye hardies! Land ho!
PIRATE: Aye, Long John, what sees ye?
JOHN: 'Tis a multiplex and aye, she's an invitin' target. All hands on deck and prepare to board.
PIRATE: What's playing?
JOHN: The latest Spielberg...and that new Adam Sandler comedy. Everyone got their palm-corders?
CREW: Aye!
JOHN: We'll all be up to our mizzenmast with bootleg booty tonight. Now, remember, hold you cameras steady. I'll keelhaul the next blagart who ruins a tape with shaky camera work. And no sittin' too close to the screen. And for the love of Davy Jones' Locker, no unwrapping candy while you're tapin'
CREW: Aye!
JOHN: Everyone got their student discount cards?
CREW: Aye!
JOHN: Then be off with you, lads. Over the sides you go! 'Tis a good crew, eh, Polly?
PARROT: Pieces of popcorn, pieces of popcorn.
GK: Tune in next time for "the Copyright Pirates" as we hear Long John say:
JOHN: You left the lens cap on! You'll walk the plank for that!
GK: That's next time on "the Copyright Pirates."
end
