JH: Yo, dude! You can call me Jerome.
GK: I'm fairly certain I just did.
JH: Dude, We're so glad that you're giving us the chance to announce our calendar of events.
GK: It's very important to me to keep the lines of communication open with today's youth. After all, today's youth are tomorrow's coots.
JH: Totally. So, we have this radically busy week coming up. Monday, there's the meeting for the fraternity Alpha Darth Vader, which is throwing it's annual Spring kegger. Wednesday, there's a lecture at Harry A. Bridgeman Hall: "Nostalgia: the wave of the future?" sponsored by the People Who Dwell in the Past Club.
GK: What else is going on?
JH: Okay, Thursday night is a film presentation called Highlights of Horrible, Senseless Torture of Helpless Animals" presented by Students for the Ethic Treatment of Animals at Pine Hall. The Students Against the Ethic Treatment of Animals will also attend to laugh at the more horrible and senseless parts. After the film there will be a cocktail party followed by a cock fight.
GK: Why are they meeting together?
JH: Budget cuts, dude.
GK: Pressing on.
JH: Okay, so Friday, the Silly People's Committee announces its 4th meeting will be held at the Boat House at midnight even though no one came to the first three meetings.
GK: Isn't that kind of silly...oh, I get it.
JH: We have a lot of fraternities and sororities holding meetings this week. There's Epsilon Upsilon Oopsilon---
GK: What kind of fraternity is that?
JH: It's for clumsy people. Then there's Sis Goom Bah--
GK: That sounds like a sorority.
JH: You'd think so, right? We have Delta Belushi Pi, Kappa Kappa Hey, Phi Beta Snob, and Pi Ala Mode---
GK: Is it haze week?
JH: I'm not sure. I'm still kinda hazy. I think that's why they call it haze week.
GK: Moving on.
JH: Fraternity Gotta Tappa Keg will be having it's annual "Good-bye Winter" Beer Blast at the Hobson Memorial Student Union to be followed by a spontaneous panty raid on Oak Hall.
GK: I'm a little surprised. I thought college students today were more serious than that. I thought you had gotten away from those type of frat house hijinks.
DD: No, dude, we're totally serious. Tonight we're having a peace rally.
DD: No, rally. A peace rally slash kegger. And at midnight all the girls will take off their tops.
DD: For peace.
GK: Okay, as long as it's for peace. That's peace, p-e-a-c-e, right?
DD: Totally. We call it Iraq the Vote! A demonstration of student solidarity for human concern. And kegger.
GK: Well, I hope you succeed in getting the word out.