From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
PHC was back on the road, stopping off at Bemidji State University, because college kids love 30 year old radio shows. Anyway, what could be more natural for a college than college humor? This sketch is a real piece of work; a piece from here and a piece from there... The premise of a college calendar was lifted from my days on the college humor magazine. As was the idea of bogus frat names. I have jokes in here from those issues. I came up with some new things, worked in the actual names of college buildings and played up the kegger thing as a running gag until it fell exhausted to the curb. But the skit didn't make the grade. Oh, well.
College Activities
GK: Great to be here at Bemidji State University. And with us now is Jerome Hanely, who is on the Student Activities and Fee Allocation Committee. Welcome, Jerome.
JH: Yo, dude! You can call me Jerome.
GK: I'm fairly certain I just did.
JH: Dude, We're so glad that you're giving us the chance to announce our calendar of events.
GK: It's very important to me to keep the lines of communication open with today's youth. After all, today's youth are tomorrow's coots.
JH: Totally. So, we have this radically busy week coming up. Monday, there's the meeting for the fraternity Alpha Darth Vader, which is throwing it's annual Spring kegger. Wednesday, there's a lecture at Harry A. Bridgeman Hall: "Nostalgia: the wave of the future?" sponsored by the People Who Dwell in the Past Club.
GK: What else is going on?
JH: Okay, Thursday night is a film presentation called Highlights of Horrible, Senseless Torture of Helpless Animals" presented by Students for the Ethic Treatment of Animals at Pine Hall. The Students Against the Ethic Treatment of Animals will also attend to laugh at the more horrible and senseless parts. After the film there will be a cocktail party followed by a cock fight.
GK: Why are they meeting together?
JH: Budget cuts, dude.
GK: Pressing on.
JH: Okay, so Friday, the Silly People's Committee announces its 4th meeting will be held at the Boat House at midnight even though no one came to the first three meetings.
GK: Isn't that kind of silly...oh, I get it.
JH: We have a lot of fraternities and sororities holding meetings this week. There's Epsilon Upsilon Oopsilon---
GK: What kind of fraternity is that?
JH: It's for clumsy people. Then there's Sis Goom Bah--
GK: That sounds like a sorority.
JH: You'd think so, right? We have Delta Belushi Pi, Kappa Kappa Hey, Phi Beta Snob, and Pi Ala Mode---
GK: Is it haze week?
JH: I'm not sure. I'm still kinda hazy. I think that's why they call it haze week.
GK: Moving on.
JH: Fraternity Gotta Tappa Keg will be having it's annual "Good-bye Winter" Beer Blast at the Hobson Memorial Student Union to be followed by a spontaneous panty raid on Oak Hall.
GK: I'm a little surprised. I thought college students today were more serious than that. I thought you had gotten away from those type of frat house hijinks.
DD: No, dude, we're totally serious. Tonight we're having a peace rally.
GK: Really?
DD: No, rally. A peace rally slash kegger. And at midnight all the girls will take off their tops.
GK: Why?
DD: For peace.
GK: Okay, as long as it's for peace. That's peace, p-e-a-c-e, right?
DD: Totally. We call it Iraq the Vote! A demonstration of student solidarity for human concern. And kegger.
GK: Well, I hope you succeed in getting the word out.
end
JH: Yo, dude! You can call me Jerome.
GK: I'm fairly certain I just did.
JH: Dude, We're so glad that you're giving us the chance to announce our calendar of events.
GK: It's very important to me to keep the lines of communication open with today's youth. After all, today's youth are tomorrow's coots.
JH: Totally. So, we have this radically busy week coming up. Monday, there's the meeting for the fraternity Alpha Darth Vader, which is throwing it's annual Spring kegger. Wednesday, there's a lecture at Harry A. Bridgeman Hall: "Nostalgia: the wave of the future?" sponsored by the People Who Dwell in the Past Club.
GK: What else is going on?
JH: Okay, Thursday night is a film presentation called Highlights of Horrible, Senseless Torture of Helpless Animals" presented by Students for the Ethic Treatment of Animals at Pine Hall. The Students Against the Ethic Treatment of Animals will also attend to laugh at the more horrible and senseless parts. After the film there will be a cocktail party followed by a cock fight.
GK: Why are they meeting together?
JH: Budget cuts, dude.
GK: Pressing on.
JH: Okay, so Friday, the Silly People's Committee announces its 4th meeting will be held at the Boat House at midnight even though no one came to the first three meetings.
GK: Isn't that kind of silly...oh, I get it.
JH: We have a lot of fraternities and sororities holding meetings this week. There's Epsilon Upsilon Oopsilon---
GK: What kind of fraternity is that?
JH: It's for clumsy people. Then there's Sis Goom Bah--
GK: That sounds like a sorority.
JH: You'd think so, right? We have Delta Belushi Pi, Kappa Kappa Hey, Phi Beta Snob, and Pi Ala Mode---
GK: Is it haze week?
JH: I'm not sure. I'm still kinda hazy. I think that's why they call it haze week.
GK: Moving on.
JH: Fraternity Gotta Tappa Keg will be having it's annual "Good-bye Winter" Beer Blast at the Hobson Memorial Student Union to be followed by a spontaneous panty raid on Oak Hall.
GK: I'm a little surprised. I thought college students today were more serious than that. I thought you had gotten away from those type of frat house hijinks.
DD: No, dude, we're totally serious. Tonight we're having a peace rally.
GK: Really?
DD: No, rally. A peace rally slash kegger. And at midnight all the girls will take off their tops.
GK: Why?
DD: For peace.
GK: Okay, as long as it's for peace. That's peace, p-e-a-c-e, right?
DD: Totally. We call it Iraq the Vote! A demonstration of student solidarity for human concern. And kegger.
GK: Well, I hope you succeed in getting the word out.
end
