From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This sketch is a sequel, as many of my Christmas bits were. When my kids were little, we went through a major Barney phase. So I wrote a bit called "3 Tenors Sing Barney," which involved most kids songs. I liked it. So, come Christmas, it was just a matter of switching up the songs to the sillier songs of the holidays. I really thought this would work for PHC, what with it being opera and them being on Public Radio and all. They didn't go for it. Maybe they didn't have enough tenors working on the host back then. It's really not something to retool at this point. So, anyway, buy my book, Lost Claus. It's a stocking full of merriment!
3 Tenors Sing Christmas
(AN: Announcer, 1T, 2T, 3T: TENORS)
(Three famous opera Tenors and orchestra are warming up.)
AN: We were proud to present the musical special, "Three Tenors." We were proud and delighted to present the follow-up musical special, "Three Tenors' Encore!" And now we are proud, delighted and obligated to present a special holiday treat, "Three Tenors Sing Novelty Christmas Songs!"
1T: All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth---
2T: My two front teeth---
3T: Yes, my two front teeth!
ALL: All we want form Christmas is our two front teeth, so we can whistle merry Christmas!
AN: Yes, it's the three biggest tenors in the world singing the best novelty songs of the season!
1T; I'm gettin' nothin' for Christmas---
2T: Mommy and Daddy are mad---
3T: I'm getting nothin' for Christmas---
ALL: 'Cause we ain't been nothin' but bad!
AN: The songs you and your children love sung by performers with snob-appeal; it's the perfect night of public-supported holiday entertainment.
2T: Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve---
1T: You can say there's no such thing as Santa---
ALL: Ho-ho-ho---
3T: But as for me and grandpa---
ALL: We believe!
AN: The best of novelty songs done only the way the tenors can. So take that "Ave Maria!" Like this classic song from the Grinch:
3T: Wah-who-forest! Wah-who-forest!
2T: Welcome, welcome Christmas Day!
3T: Wah-who-forest! Wah-who-forest!
1T: Welcome, welcome Christmas Day!
AN: Maybe cute animated chipmunks are your style:
1T: I still want my hula-hoop!
2T: Hurry, Santa, we can't wait!
3T: Christmas don't be late!
ALL: Alvin!
AN: Where else are you gonna find something like this? Not on commercial TV, that's for sure! So join your hosts Hugh Downs and Weird Al Yankovich during this week's pledge drive for "3 Tenors Sing Novelty Christmas Songs" right here, later tonight.
THE END
(Three famous opera Tenors and orchestra are warming up.)
AN: We were proud to present the musical special, "Three Tenors." We were proud and delighted to present the follow-up musical special, "Three Tenors' Encore!" And now we are proud, delighted and obligated to present a special holiday treat, "Three Tenors Sing Novelty Christmas Songs!"
1T: All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth---
2T: My two front teeth---
3T: Yes, my two front teeth!
ALL: All we want form Christmas is our two front teeth, so we can whistle merry Christmas!
AN: Yes, it's the three biggest tenors in the world singing the best novelty songs of the season!
1T; I'm gettin' nothin' for Christmas---
2T: Mommy and Daddy are mad---
3T: I'm getting nothin' for Christmas---
ALL: 'Cause we ain't been nothin' but bad!
AN: The songs you and your children love sung by performers with snob-appeal; it's the perfect night of public-supported holiday entertainment.
2T: Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve---
1T: You can say there's no such thing as Santa---
ALL: Ho-ho-ho---
3T: But as for me and grandpa---
ALL: We believe!
AN: The best of novelty songs done only the way the tenors can. So take that "Ave Maria!" Like this classic song from the Grinch:
3T: Wah-who-forest! Wah-who-forest!
2T: Welcome, welcome Christmas Day!
3T: Wah-who-forest! Wah-who-forest!
1T: Welcome, welcome Christmas Day!
AN: Maybe cute animated chipmunks are your style:
1T: I still want my hula-hoop!
2T: Hurry, Santa, we can't wait!
3T: Christmas don't be late!
ALL: Alvin!
AN: Where else are you gonna find something like this? Not on commercial TV, that's for sure! So join your hosts Hugh Downs and Weird Al Yankovich during this week's pledge drive for "3 Tenors Sing Novelty Christmas Songs" right here, later tonight.
THE END
