From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Re-reading this script, I realized I did something I'm usually very sloppy about, setting up the premise of a topical bit. Usually I just throw myself into it and never consider what might happen a few years down the road when the moment has long passed. I guess it's the hazard of writing topical sketches. But I had forgotten that the Carol Burnett Burnett show often introduced a sketch, giving us the theme or the premise up front.
But, then, this being a song parody, it must have occurred to me that I couldn't squeeze the premise into the song and I needed to set it up. I totally forgot this was ever an issue in the sports world and I'm pretty certain it didn't happen anyway. I should note here I'm not a sports guy. But I thought it was news that would have been important to the people of Minnesota, so I made sure the context was there. So, here's another bit PHC didn't use, with the introduction meant to be read by GK.
But, then, this being a song parody, it must have occurred to me that I couldn't squeeze the premise into the song and I needed to set it up. I totally forgot this was ever an issue in the sports world and I'm pretty certain it didn't happen anyway. I should note here I'm not a sports guy. But I thought it was news that would have been important to the people of Minnesota, so I made sure the context was there. So, here's another bit PHC didn't use, with the introduction meant to be read by GK.
Take out the Ball Game
GK: This baseball season just doesn't end this year, does it?
Just a few days after the most exciting and most watched
World Series in recent history, the baseball league of
owners has voted on cutting teams...possibly our very own
Minnesota Twins. How Brooklyn Dodgers of them. For a
large payment, the owner of the Twins, Carl Pohland, will
allow his team to be eliminated. And not just eliminated
from the play-offs, eliminated completely. A new twist on
an old past time, so I put together a new twist on an old
song...
Take away my old ball team
Take it right off the books
Buy out the owner with hefty bucks
He won't care what becomes of the jocks.
Let him boot, boot, boot out the home team
'cause they can't cover their costs
For it's one, two, chapter 'leven
For the old team boss.
Take away my old ball team
Expansion must now contract
Change for investments with dividends
Liquidate before spring comes again
Cash's the root, root, root of all evil
And cutting teams is a sin
For it's one, two, maybe three teams are out
So it's good-bye Twins.
Just a few days after the most exciting and most watched
World Series in recent history, the baseball league of
owners has voted on cutting teams...possibly our very own
Minnesota Twins. How Brooklyn Dodgers of them. For a
large payment, the owner of the Twins, Carl Pohland, will
allow his team to be eliminated. And not just eliminated
from the play-offs, eliminated completely. A new twist on
an old past time, so I put together a new twist on an old
song...
Take away my old ball team
Take it right off the books
Buy out the owner with hefty bucks
He won't care what becomes of the jocks.
Let him boot, boot, boot out the home team
'cause they can't cover their costs
For it's one, two, chapter 'leven
For the old team boss.
Take away my old ball team
Expansion must now contract
Change for investments with dividends
Liquidate before spring comes again
Cash's the root, root, root of all evil
And cutting teams is a sin
For it's one, two, maybe three teams are out
So it's good-bye Twins.
