From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
The election was coming up and, surprise, the GOP was playing games. Whether it was declaring Orange Alerts at odd news cycles, swiftboating people or outing spies that showed there were no WMDs in Iraq, there was a lot of insinuation being pumped out against the Democrats, or anyone else who questioned the Republicans during "wartime." I attempted to capture the spirit here, while keeping it light. It wasn't selected, but in hindsight, writing a sketch mentioning GK having an affair with an intern probably wasn't a smart thing. Hey, who knew?
A Visit from George W.
GK: I did want to address the topic of this year's presidential election. Not to be too overbearing, but as many of you know, I am a tax & spend liberal from way back...
GW: Now, hold there a minute, Garr-meister.
GK: Hello, President Bush. Welcome. Why are you here?
GW: I'm here just to give you some friendly advice. We just don't want to see you say anything too hasty. We want you to weigh your words, not go off all half-cocked. We want you to be full-cocked.
GK: I've thought a lot about this, so I'm certain I want to speak about this.
GW: Of, course, that's your right. This is still American, land of the free, home of the whopper. But I'd sure hate for you to say something, then it come out that your wife is a spy for the CIA.
GK: My wife isn't a spy for the CIA.
GW: No? You sure? Beause it might get leaked out.
GK: Pretty sure, yes. Now, as I was saying...
GW: You may reconsider this if it comes out that you're having an affair with your intern.
GK: I don't have an intern.
GW: Drat.
GK: Now, then, regarding this election...
GW: You know, if you're not careful, it might come out that your purple hearts are bogus.
GK: I don't have a purple heart.
GW: Sure, 'cause you threw them away.
GK: No, I never had a purple heart.
GW: Oh. How about your wife or intern, they have any purple hearts?
GK: No.
GW: You're a tough one to debate.
GK: Why would something like that even come out?
GW: I don't know. It just does.
GK: As I was saying....American, get out there and vote. It's a civil duty plus, we have to set a good example for the Iraqis when they have their elections. What's that going to look like, we keep telling them that they're going to get to vote in January, and then we have less than 50% of Americans vote in November. These people are going to wonder what's going on. We go over there to liberate them so they can vote and be free and they we just sit around here and hope for the best? So, remember to vote in November.
GW: That's it? That's all you're going to say?
GK: For the moment.
GW: Well, then I'm George W. Bush and I approve this message. I'll just have to save these pictures for another day.
GK: What pictures?
GW: Just some photos of the head of MPR with some farm animals. Oo-la-la. Or should I say, Ee-Eye-Ee-Eye-Oh. Until then, happy trails.
end
GW: Now, hold there a minute, Garr-meister.
GK: Hello, President Bush. Welcome. Why are you here?
GW: I'm here just to give you some friendly advice. We just don't want to see you say anything too hasty. We want you to weigh your words, not go off all half-cocked. We want you to be full-cocked.
GK: I've thought a lot about this, so I'm certain I want to speak about this.
GW: Of, course, that's your right. This is still American, land of the free, home of the whopper. But I'd sure hate for you to say something, then it come out that your wife is a spy for the CIA.
GK: My wife isn't a spy for the CIA.
GW: No? You sure? Beause it might get leaked out.
GK: Pretty sure, yes. Now, as I was saying...
GW: You may reconsider this if it comes out that you're having an affair with your intern.
GK: I don't have an intern.
GW: Drat.
GK: Now, then, regarding this election...
GW: You know, if you're not careful, it might come out that your purple hearts are bogus.
GK: I don't have a purple heart.
GW: Sure, 'cause you threw them away.
GK: No, I never had a purple heart.
GW: Oh. How about your wife or intern, they have any purple hearts?
GK: No.
GW: You're a tough one to debate.
GK: Why would something like that even come out?
GW: I don't know. It just does.
GK: As I was saying....American, get out there and vote. It's a civil duty plus, we have to set a good example for the Iraqis when they have their elections. What's that going to look like, we keep telling them that they're going to get to vote in January, and then we have less than 50% of Americans vote in November. These people are going to wonder what's going on. We go over there to liberate them so they can vote and be free and they we just sit around here and hope for the best? So, remember to vote in November.
GW: That's it? That's all you're going to say?
GK: For the moment.
GW: Well, then I'm George W. Bush and I approve this message. I'll just have to save these pictures for another day.
GK: What pictures?
GW: Just some photos of the head of MPR with some farm animals. Oo-la-la. Or should I say, Ee-Eye-Ee-Eye-Oh. Until then, happy trails.
end
