Toys is not all fun and games. With vast amounts of money at stake, every toy manufacturer is hoping it has created the NEXT BIG THING; the toy that'll fly off the store shelves, force parents to trade on the black market, pop up on "The TODAY Show," or receive a headline mention that uses the phrase "many injured." Unfortunately, that doesn't happen most of the time. While some toys make you remark, "I wish I'd thought of that!" most cause you to wonder, "What were they thinking?" Here's a look at some of the Furby-wannabes through the years (now available in a clearance bin near you):
Bag-lady Barbie & Street-crazy Ken - hoping to cash in on the big "homeless" craze that never quite materialized, this set features a Barbie attired in rags. Ken comes with his own broken shopping cart. Pink Corvette on cinder blocks home sold separately.
Rock 'em-Sock 'em Barney - how to keep Barney a part of your child's life after he's out grown him? With this classic toy updated, your tykes can gleefully have Baby Bop or B.J. pummel Barney until someone "knocks his block off"!
Nano-Chia Pet - simply by pushing a few buttons, you plant the virtual seeds on the virtual ceramic pet and grow virtual plant hair. It's virtually fun!
Red Chinese Checkers - besides being confusing because the whole checker board and all the marbles were red, pressure from the People's Republic of China and the White House put the kibash on this toy.
Ridicule Me, Elmo - Designed to give children a "dose of reality" this squeezable character says such things as "You don't know how to count", "You call that spelling?" "Bed-wetter! Bed-wetter!"
Slime-ky - Nickelodeon's attempt to combine the fun of Slinkies and their trademarked slime. Frankly, the stuff doesn't walk down stairs at all.
Mr. Mashed Potato Head - Sort of inspired by "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," kids get to stick eyes, noses and ears into a pile of mashed potato. Gravy not included.
Carjack-in-the-Box - Turn the crank on this colorful musical box and a masked, armed bandit pops out. Some assembly required.
Vestite Transformers - With a few deft twists and turns the robot is manipulated into a dress-wearing robot. Accessories not included.
Endangered Balloon Animals - The kit includes an assortment of balloons and an instruction box, any child could create balloons figures in the shape of tigers, gorillas and snail darters.
Nerf Bicycle - The obsession of all things Nerf finally hits a wall with this bike made out of sponge.
Miniature Bowling - Hoping to take America's favorite indoor sport outside, the game features little balls, tiny pins along with windmills, horseshoes and loop-de-loops.
Cabbage Patch Voodoo Kids - More then a toy, it's an effigy for revenge. Not only is each doll unique looking, but they resemble someone you don't like. Comes with small pins and larger pins.
Razor Hula Hoop - this was just a really bad idea waiting to happen.
Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell G.I. Joe - Keeping ever abreast of the times, the venerable action figure sports fatigues, earrings and high heels.
Easy Bake Microwave Oven - Imagine, cakes in 30 seconds, brownies in 1 minute. Cookies bake as you stir the batter because of radiation leakage. What's a little hair loss when you can have fun like this?
Rancid Ann & Andy - delightful, charming, traditional rag dolls stuffed with heaven-knows-what.
And of course, a couple of new board games are in the offering: In the tradition of "Don't Spill the Beans," "Don't Break the Ice," and "Don't Wake Daddy," they're presenting, "Don't Drink That Acid," "Don't Touch That Festering Sore," and "Don't Play With That Electric Outlet."
Pretty gamey, eh?
Rock 'em-Sock 'em Barney - how to keep Barney a part of your child's life after he's out grown him? With this classic toy updated, your tykes can gleefully have Baby Bop or B.J. pummel Barney until someone "knocks his block off"!
Nano-Chia Pet - simply by pushing a few buttons, you plant the virtual seeds on the virtual ceramic pet and grow virtual plant hair. It's virtually fun!
Red Chinese Checkers - besides being confusing because the whole checker board and all the marbles were red, pressure from the People's Republic of China and the White House put the kibash on this toy.
Ridicule Me, Elmo - Designed to give children a "dose of reality" this squeezable character says such things as "You don't know how to count", "You call that spelling?" "Bed-wetter! Bed-wetter!"
Slime-ky - Nickelodeon's attempt to combine the fun of Slinkies and their trademarked slime. Frankly, the stuff doesn't walk down stairs at all.
Mr. Mashed Potato Head - Sort of inspired by "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," kids get to stick eyes, noses and ears into a pile of mashed potato. Gravy not included.
Carjack-in-the-Box - Turn the crank on this colorful musical box and a masked, armed bandit pops out. Some assembly required.
Vestite Transformers - With a few deft twists and turns the robot is manipulated into a dress-wearing robot. Accessories not included.
Endangered Balloon Animals - The kit includes an assortment of balloons and an instruction box, any child could create balloons figures in the shape of tigers, gorillas and snail darters.
Nerf Bicycle - The obsession of all things Nerf finally hits a wall with this bike made out of sponge.
Miniature Bowling - Hoping to take America's favorite indoor sport outside, the game features little balls, tiny pins along with windmills, horseshoes and loop-de-loops.
Cabbage Patch Voodoo Kids - More then a toy, it's an effigy for revenge. Not only is each doll unique looking, but they resemble someone you don't like. Comes with small pins and larger pins.
Razor Hula Hoop - this was just a really bad idea waiting to happen.
Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell G.I. Joe - Keeping ever abreast of the times, the venerable action figure sports fatigues, earrings and high heels.
Easy Bake Microwave Oven - Imagine, cakes in 30 seconds, brownies in 1 minute. Cookies bake as you stir the batter because of radiation leakage. What's a little hair loss when you can have fun like this?
Rancid Ann & Andy - delightful, charming, traditional rag dolls stuffed with heaven-knows-what.
And of course, a couple of new board games are in the offering: In the tradition of "Don't Spill the Beans," "Don't Break the Ice," and "Don't Wake Daddy," they're presenting, "Don't Drink That Acid," "Don't Touch That Festering Sore," and "Don't Play With That Electric Outlet."
Pretty gamey, eh?
