in the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. Which means President Obama receives the food stamp of approval.
The Mexican government is releasing state-held secrets about the end of the Mayan calendar to the makers
of a documentary about Mayans and the year 2012…
…the biggest secret? The end doesn’t come in December, but in November.
…apparently the secrets include a balance budget amendment, troop withdrawals from Iran and a
working stimulus package.
CNN touted a July 25 CNN poll showing that 57 percent of Americans believe former President Bush and the Republicans are more to blame than President Obama and the Democrats for the current economic troubles. Then they showed a poll that 80% of Americans are tired of listening to the White House blame Bush and the Republicans again.
President Obama completed his 3 day bus tour of the Midwest and the only jobs created were for a couple of squeegee guys.
The New York Posted reported that the bus used by President Obama for his 3 day Midwest bus tour to boost US jobs was custom built in Canada…
…for a 3 day tour, couldn’t they have just gotten an RV?
…well, maybe he meant jobs in “North America.”
Texas Governor Rick Perry only just entered the race for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination and already has a double-digit lead over Mitt Romney and Michele Bachmann in polls. Which meant the main-stream media had to really scramble to get their insults up and running
The U.S military now estimates $360 million in U.S. tax dollars has ended up in the hands of the
Taliban and criminals…
…so, at least the Taliban stimulus bill worked.
…not counting tips.
…and not even a “thank you.”
Nabisco introduced the Triple Double Oreo; Three chocolate Oreo wafers with two layers of crème and its
spokesmen, athletes Venus Williams, Apolo Ono, Eli Manning and Shaquille O'Neal. Because you need to be in training to eat these things.
A jihadist website is calling for the assassination of David Letterman after he joked about the death
of Osama bin Laden's Pakistani lieutenant Ilyas Kashmiri…
…which is apparently the Muslim version of an angry letter to the editor.
…A spokesman for David Letterman released a Top Ten List in response to the threat.
…get in line, buddy.
…hey, jihadists, you know it’s a comedy show, right?
Abercrombie & Fitch has offered to pay “Jersey Shore” star The Situation not to wear their clothes in the
future. Good luck with that because he already turned down New Jersey’s offer not to live in New Jersey any more.
According to a new Gallup poll, only 49 percent of Hispanic Americans said they approve President
…at least on this side of the border.
…so the White House went out and bought a Spanish Teleprompter.
Despite President Obama’s focus on green technology, a study released in July by the Brookings Institution found clean-technology jobs accounted for just 2 percent of employment nationwide. However jobs for people defending Obama’s green technology program have risen 37%.
A report by NASA scientists claims that space aliens may attack earth to save the planet from man-made climate change…
…basing their findings on their recent viewing of the remake of “The Day The Earth Stood
…well, it’s great to see the writers at Weekly World News managed to get jobs at NASA.
Burger King announced it will be running an entirely new ad campaign without the King
…who was arrested hanging out by school yards.
…apparently they’re trying to go beyond the “creepy” demographic.
…but fear not, people can still hook up with the King in sleazy motels for a price.
…apparently, trying to sell food to kids with a creepy mascot that scared small children was
The Obama administration announced it will now do case-by-case reviews of deportations, allowing many
undocumented immigrants to stay in the United States if they are working, are in school or are registered Democrats.
During a televised interview, Congressman Charlie Rangel called Laura Ingraham “a pretty girl.” Laura Ingraham responded by asking “Are you glad to see me, or is that graft in your pocket?
Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz announced that he is boycotting campaign contributions to any
politicians until the political class starts behaving like adults. So, basically, his donations are going from a Trenta to only a Tall.
MSNBC anchor Chris Matthews recently stated on his show that it would be scary to have a president that
doesn't believe in evolution or climate change…
…as opposed to a president who doesn’t believe in Congressional declarations of war or a balanced
…what? Less scary than a president that believes in stimulus packages and extended vacations?
The US State Department released its 2010 Report on Terrorism which showed there were 11,604 terrorist attacks in 2010 in 72 countries…
…and, oddly, none of them caused by little old ladies in diapers or a toddler with a juice box, just in case the TSA agents down at the airport were wondering.
…well, it’s good to see that some people still have jobs in this economy.
Al-Qaida in Iraq has vowed to carry out attacks" across the country to exact revenge for the death of Osama
bin Laden. Also to exact revenge for the next couple of Al-Qaida leaders U.S. forces will be killing soon.
Al-Qaida in Iraq has vowed to carry out "100 attacks" across the country during the Muslim holy month of
Ramadan, to exact revenge for the death of Osama bin Laden…
…Because what are holy months without the seasonal revenge killings?
…showing that Al-Qaida’s definition of holy made be different from everyone else’s.
…hmm, you think they would have wanted to avoid the holiday rush.
A Pew Research Center poll shows that 13 percent of American cell phone users fake being busy on their
phones to avoid interacting with the people around them…
…which beats sticking your fingers in your ears and going “la-la-la-la.”
…while the other 87% pretend that those cell phone users are actually talking to someone.
…while the other 87% are actually on the phone having highly personal conversations while you’re just
…when really, all you have to do is fart.
The words“retweet” and “sexting” are among 400 new entries included in the 12th edition of the Oxford
…and when you look up “sexting” in the dictionary you now see Anthony Wiener’s photo.