U.S. officials are stating that a porn stash was found in bin Ladin’s hideout in Abbottabad…
…well, you have to do something while you’re thinking up your next big terrorist plot.
…wow, even with that many wives, he still needed porn.
...that we find, but not WMDs.
…no wonder it was so long between attacks.
…probably helped him to think of places to hide bombs.
…looks like he had his hands in everything.
Among the bin Laden’s things, officials have found, herbal Viagra, a video of himself watching himself on TV, and practice videos in which he flubbed his lines while threatening the Great Satan…
…he had a blooper reel.
…not to mention all the pirated DVDs.
…which will be played on “Pakistan’s Funniest Home Videos.”
Donald Trump announced that he wasn’t running for President…
…but you could tell that from the way he was running for President.
…Nuts, there goes Omarosa’s shot at V.P.
…and then added Newt isn’t either.
It turns out that Maria Shriver separated from Arnold Schwarzenegger after she found out he had fathered a child more than 10 years ago with a longtime member of their household staff…
…so, he was a Democrat.
…so he wasn’t just screwing the people of California.
…John Edwards called to complain.
…how did the National Enquirer miss that?
…good thing he had John Edwards running interference for him.
…needless to say, the Kennedy family was devastated.
There were 204 ObamaCare waivers issued in April, and almost 20 percent of them went to establishments in Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi's San Francisco district…
…because Pelosi claims they are 20% healthier.
…because they finally got to read the bill and decided they needed the waivers.
…and it’ll go up once she finishes reading the bill.
Rahm Emanuel was sworn in last week as mayor of Chicago. With a lot more swearing than is usual.
General Motors sponsored a propaganda film celebrating the 90th anniversary of the Chinese Communist Party…
…so remember that next time they want a government bail-out.
…and introduced their newest automobile, the Mao. And it only comes in red.
…figures. Not only their cars pull to the left.
A new Fox poll shows that 64% of Americans believe that the country is weaker today than it was 5 years ago…
…which is why Mexico keeps taking our lunch money.
…you know it’s bad when Lichtenstein keeps dissing us.
…and 100% of terrorists think that’s swell.
In China, acres of watermelon crops have been bursting after farmers gave them overdoses of growth chemicals during wet weather…
…Al Quada is now looking into buying the exploding watermelons as weapons.
…Great, the Chinese just put Gallagher out of business.
Officials in SHANGHAI, China are setting a limit of one dog per family in an effort to control the soaring pet population and curb rabies…
…Communism, it’s not just for humans anymore.
…any more than 1 is considered dinner.
A couple in Israel named their newborn daughter “Like” after the Facebook button…
…So, that just leaves me Twitter and Tweak to choose from.
…”It sounds modern and innovative” said her parents, Poke and Farmville.
In the wake of Arnold Schwarzenegger's revelations that he fathered a child with a mistress, CNN ran a segment covering recent political sex scandals…
…excluding only those of present hosts of CNN programs.
…somehow excluding Elliot Spitzer’s resignation from office over his involvement in a high-end prostitution ring. Wow, so just who do you do you have to sleep with over at CNN to get taken off the sex scandal list?
A report by ClearView Energy Partners estimates that Americans are now spending 12 percent of their disposable income on gasoline, electricity and heating – up from 7.7 percent in 2002…
…most surprising; Americans still have disposable income.
…just in case you were wondering why you didn’t get a birthday present this year.
At an address at the State Department, President Obama laid out his new plans for Middle East policy after the Arab Spring uprisings and the killing of Osama bin Laden…
…which includes continuing to hang out allies out to dry and dissing Israel.
…which is “ponies for everyone!”
Forbes Magazine released its annual Celebrity 100 list of the most powerful people in the entertainment business with Lady Gaga at number one…
…replacing perennial leader, Oprah Winfrey. But David Hasselhoff retains his lock as number one on the “Least Powerful Celebrity List.”
…adding to her recent win on “Butcher’s Daily Wear” magazines top celebrity list.