Back in May of 2016, I came upon a Craig’s List want ad entitled “Seeking Comedy Writer for major studio venture.” Nothing in that sentence would work out.
To review, during the months of June and July, Christian came to me to write a "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" remake, a "Firelight" remake, a "Close Encounters" sequel, get him some connections on other "projects" he was working on and write an "Up the Creek" remake.
While I was prepping for "Mr. 'Up the Creek' Producer," Christian began inundating me with his latest brainstorm:
Subject: FOR TRADING PLACES REBOOT ONE PAGE TREATMENT FOR PRODUCER OF THE FILM
L.A. is seen by 2 top Hollywood Agents who decide to play a bet as same amount in the original film of just ONE DOLLAR, to see if the "comic poet", can or cannot make it trading places with a big hot shot Hollywood Studio Executive at a major studio, like which one?, Paramount Pictures???, at the end of the story, the 2 guys actually fool back the 2 Agents by making them fall for the scheme because the comic poet and the Studio Exec became friends!, and the Exec offered the Poet his very own movie deal!!! the 2 Agents get fired, and then, perhaps even homeless out on the street like the funny poet started out, cool Trading Places reboot premise? ....
And then he pastes in the entire freakin' IMDB page of "Trading Places" into the email. Now, mind you, I'm still trying to punch up the script pages to salvage a second chance. I'm still getting over the fact that Christian thoughtlessly sent the awful rough draft to the producer. I thought he knew I was annoyed with him. Yet here he is emailing me another outlandish idea. To be followed up with other emails.
Subject:TOP LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT---THE WISHMAN TALENT AGENCY
FOR TRADING PLACES REBOOT
TOP LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT --- THE C.E.O. IS RYAN MASON
COMIC POET'S STAGE NAME IS --- CHRISTIAN THE POET
THE WISHMAN TALENT AGENCY --- BROTHERS BOBBY AND PETER WISHMAN
SCENES CAN BE IN BEVERLY HILLS. RODEO DRIVE AREA AROUND THE VERY RICH PEOPLE. BEVERLY HILLS PALM TREES SCENERY. THE GLAMOROUS HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STUDIO FEEL TO THE STORY. THANK YOU!
Now, without me responding, he sent me names for all the characters for this remake. He's telling me scenes I should write. And all the other things he's lobbed at me, all the other things I wrote-- Scoundrels, Firelight, Creek--are just forgotten. He's shameless. He's treating me like a comedy ATM that's just going to supply material for each of his hustles.
But here's the thing: I ACTUALLY wrote up with a treatment of sorts for this brainstorm. I can't remember what I was thinking. When I remembered this incident it was over the "Scoundrels" idea. I had totally forgotten (or blocked) all these other things I wrote for him. I have no recollection of my feelings at the time and why I proceeded. A lark? I can see the guy can't handle English. Did I think he could pull something off? Anyway, I wrote this for him:
But here's the thing: I ACTUALLY wrote up with a treatment of sorts for this brainstorm. I can't remember what I was thinking. When I remembered this incident it was over the "Scoundrels" idea. I had totally forgotten (or blocked) all these other things I wrote for him. I have no recollection of my feelings at the time and why I proceeded. A lark? I can see the guy can't handle English. Did I think he could pull something off? Anyway, I wrote this for him:
It's a remake of "Trading Places," but now set in Hollywood. Not an awful idea. Christian has some objections. I changed some of the names he gave me as I altered the details. He told me they have to changed back because those were friends' names. And Christian the Poet should switch places with a movie star, so the Poet can become a star. Which doesn't work at all. It doesn't even make sense. I choose to stay closer to the original, I was treating it like an actual remake, not a vanity project. Chris was disappointed and expected me to stick to his concept. Let's not forget, I'm awaiting a response for "Up the Creek" as I'm doing this. Then a new email arrives:
Hi Dan, well, not to be the bearer of bad news, but Up The Creek Producer is just not feeling it, says you are talented, perhaps it's just old Hollywood ego, who knows, but let's c'est la vie, and turn focus on the Trading Places Remake, because with this one, we're creating brand new characters, and if the Producers don't go for it for whatever reason, if they turn down the Trading Places remake script, then Dan all we have to do is just change the Title, we can keep the storyline in tact because the character names I have given you with Christian The Poet and Ryan Mason (a late friend from high school) that you've scripted in the treatment, are in fact original. And there are many dozens of films in which the characters are seen swapping of their roles. Let's turn forward in this direction now. All the Best. ;-)
Talk about your good news/bad news situations: Bad news, the producer didn't like your script! Good news, you get to devote all your energy to my latest idea which you were having grave doubts about anyway!...
