Ok, so I answer this ad for a “major studio venture.” Turns out it’s some guy pitching a remake of “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” and asks for my take on it. In mid-pitch, he pulls that project and replaces it with his latest…
So, rewinding a bit, Elias was hot for a "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" remake. Then that gets pushed aside for a "Firelight" remake. Additionally, I'm supposed to ask my manager for an agent so he can submit a "Van Wilder" sequel to someone.
Then I get another email...
Then I get another email...
Hi Dan. New inquiry this evening, The Groove Tube Reboot. For Producers.
Wed 7/6/2016 12:44 AM
Hi Dan. While we await to see if there may be a responding agent to submit the Van Wilder Sequel to the Van Wilder right holders. A new inquiry this evening I have is if you may know any Producers who may favor to participate to a Reboot of the 1974 classic lampoon comedy The Groove Tube. I have Buzzy Linhart from the original film in interest to aboard the Reboot, can you kindly circulate my request for Producers to engage interest per a Reboot to The Groove Tube. Thank you. Best. Christian
Meanwhile, I hear back from my manager who, alas, knows of no one who can deal with "Van Wilder." So Christian responds, not with an “Oh, well,” but with another pitch, as if my manager, who says he doesn’t have anyone for his “Van Wilder” thing, would have someone for his Groove Tube thing. No, I say. Maybe I might know a producer? he asks. That prompted my reply:
I do not have any connections to producers.
Recall, if you will, I was the one hunting on Craig’s List for a gig.
He was bringing out the snide in me. I honestly didn't know what was going on. Was he cold-calling random people and pitching their own projects back to them? Was he stalking select show folk to sidle up to? Was he networking as he served them their lattes?
I got a break for a couple of days, then, just as I’m finishing up on the “Firelight” script, I get a new email:
I got a break for a couple of days, then, just as I’m finishing up on the “Firelight” script, I get a new email:
Dan, Would u like to write a 2 to 3 Page Sequel Treatment to "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind"? I contacted the Developer and Designer of the original 1977 film, who is in interest to a proposed Sequel, and will take the Treatment to Steven Spielberg to see if the Treatment favors from Steven to review a completed screenplay for the next step. Do you think you can work on 2 or 3 pages tonight in which would be titled "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind - The Return"? Have it where the boy from the original film returns, as does Melinda Dillon, now 40 years later at Devils Tower with an indication from the skies that the spaceship carrying the aliens is about to return and everyone at Devils Tower is standing by on guard like a hawk for the alien spaceship fate of return, sound good?...
Frankly, no, this did not sound good. And no, my "Copy and Paste" function is not on the fritz. That's the actual email.
There were immediate follow-up emails from him, running this idea by me again and again. It’s now July 14th and I reply that working on the “Firelight” script reminded me that sci-fi is not my strongest genre. I added that I would have the "Firelight" script finished in a day or two and requested that maybe we should look that over before we “go off in another direction.” You have to realize also, that a this point, he has not seen a single writing sample from me. He has no idea if I'm even up to this job.
About an hour later he writes back:
There were immediate follow-up emails from him, running this idea by me again and again. It’s now July 14th and I reply that working on the “Firelight” script reminded me that sci-fi is not my strongest genre. I added that I would have the "Firelight" script finished in a day or two and requested that maybe we should look that over before we “go off in another direction.” You have to realize also, that a this point, he has not seen a single writing sample from me. He has no idea if I'm even up to this job.
About an hour later he writes back:
Actually Dan, if it's Okay with you, I would like to put the Close Encounters Sequel as First Priority. Let's put Firelight on the backburner as second now, due to me placing in contact with the Designer and Developer of the HUGE Close Encounters of the Third Kind film who is in strong interest to take that Sequel Treatment to Steven Spielberg, and it's only 2 or 3 Pages only, can you kindly shift now to focus and direct all attention on Close Encounters Sequel as of tonight as First Top Priority given the situation?, kindly reply to affirm this new drift of direction is fine with you. Best.
Needless to say, my back burner was getting crowded. This was going in a direction I simply didn’t want to go in. I wrote back:
Sorry, I have nothing to offer with a Close Encounters sequel. It's not a movie I've thought about much until I started on this Firelight thing. I can't even begin to think how a movie like that would work. It's really out of my wheel house, Chris.
That brings us back to the July 16th “As promised” email. I was beginning to have multiple doubts about this guy. I completed the spec script, I dodged his latest schemes and I was hoping to wind all this down…
My Firelight script only prompted the following response:
My Firelight script only prompted the following response:
Dan. Excellent Work. Here is what I think. If it's Okay with you, I would like you to use that very same first 15 pages of dialogue as the basis to complete a Sequel to the film Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, hence, in which Firelight is the basis for Close Encounters nonetheless. So consider now, you are already 15 pages into writing the tentative sequel titled "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind - The Return", and extend onward from page 15 to page 100, and as previously said, I will get the Close Encounters Sequel Script straight to the Producer and Developer of the original Close Encounters film to read it for engaging the Sequel! In the Sequel, the location is back at Devils Tower, just like in the first movie. Below, I provide the free movie watch link of the original 1977 film to help extend from the 15 pages you wrote to transform into an aimed 100 pages, for a "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind - The Return" to the original film's team members, sound cool to you? I think you are doing fantastic and thank you for doing all this! Best. Christian Elias :-)
He had lost his mind. He didn’t know how to take no for an answer. And his concepts of “prequels” and “sequels” was pretty screwed up. And magically, I'm supposed to write another 85 pages that will be a sequel because I have a free link to the original. Again, I attempted to bow out gracefully:
I'm flattered you like the script, but there is no way I have a Close Encounters sequel in me. It's not a story I'm interested in continuing. I'm not the Sci-fi guy, I'm the comedy guy.
It seemed to work because I didn’t hear from him for 2 whole weeks…
