Back in May of 2016, I came upon a Craig’s List want ad entitled “Seeking Comedy Writer for major studio venture.” It wasn't...
So, during the months of June and July, Christian came to me to write a "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" remake, a "Firelight" remake, a "Close Encounters" sequel and get him some connections on other "projects" he was working on. Then this random item arrives to my inbox:
Fwd: WALLEY WORLD VACATION '16 - 07/29/1983 - 07/29/2016 - WALLEY WORLD FOREVER - FOR JOHN
"VACATION '16"
In Memory Of The "VACATION" Series Creator John Hughes.
Written By Christian The Poet On July The 23rd, 2016 At 6:13 A.M.
My name is Rusty Griswold and I'm taking my family on a long cross country trip
Because I'm going to relive a magic from the year of 1983 when I was feeling quite hip!
I intend to arrive there on Friday, July The 29th Of 2016 in just 6 days from today
And I'm bringing my DEVO GREATEST HITS CD to let fun "WHIP IT" in play!
I'm going on a new "VACATION" back to Walley World
And my family and me are ready for it and feel just great!
I'm going on a new "VACATION" back to Walley World
And I owe every single gratitude from the given inspiration
of John Hughes due from his very first, "VACATION '58"!
I'll be making a stop to see my sister Audrey and her husband and not sure of what next
For I may see "Freaks and Geeks" or even "Cousin Eddie" but would put us to the test!
July The 29th Of 2016 will mark my 33 Year Anniversary of seeing Walley World
for the very first time from back on July The 29th Of 1983! ...
But at either rate of whatever happens this summer of 2016 ...
I certainly hope this "VACATION" may give a lot of
"overly cinematic joy" to both you and me!!! ...
I'm going on a new "VACATION" back to Walley World
And my family and me are ready for it and feel just great!
I'm going on a new "VACATION" back to Walley World
And I owe every single gratitude from the given inspiration
of John Hughes due from his very first, "VACATION '58"! ...
"VACATION '16"
In Memory Of The "VACATION" Series Creator ...
JOHN HUGHES
By Christian The Poet
What the what??? Now I'm dealing with Christian the Poet? And he's emailing this to a whole bunch of people. And not as a BCC. I didn't know how he had assembled this list of contacts, but I knew they weren't happy. One person responded saying they weren't happy about their email address being mass-emailed to people. Another flat out said "Do not send childish emails. We are professionals."
Weirdly, my response to that was "And don't hit 'Reply All, Mr. Professional.'" Why would I do that?
A couple more of these slamming poems appeared. Then he asks me if I can "use them any of them?" and if he can keep sending more. Sigh. This is going off in weird directions and I'm too much of a schlemiel to just cut him off. Instead I'm all Mr. Nice Guy and tell him to set up a blog and post his stuff there. Call it "Hollywood & Rhyme." Seems like a helpful bit of advice, no?
Weirdly, my response to that was "And don't hit 'Reply All, Mr. Professional.'" Why would I do that?
A couple more of these slamming poems appeared. Then he asks me if I can "use them any of them?" and if he can keep sending more. Sigh. This is going off in weird directions and I'm too much of a schlemiel to just cut him off. Instead I'm all Mr. Nice Guy and tell him to set up a blog and post his stuff there. Call it "Hollywood & Rhyme." Seems like a helpful bit of advice, no?
Hi Dan, What's the website of the Blog?, blog dot com?, What's a good Hollywood Blog website too?
Oh-oh.
More questions followed, and I wound up doing a commercial for Weebly.com. You'd think I'd get free month or something out of it. Anyway, he set up a site. And that was it. A home page. Nothing else to it. Then new emails begin arriving overnight: Did you see the site? What do you think of the site? How do I get people to visit the site? I don't know people, do you? Following up he says "You're not responding. Can't you help me? Are we parting ways?
Then he really pours it on:
More questions followed, and I wound up doing a commercial for Weebly.com. You'd think I'd get free month or something out of it. Anyway, he set up a site. And that was it. A home page. Nothing else to it. Then new emails begin arriving overnight: Did you see the site? What do you think of the site? How do I get people to visit the site? I don't know people, do you? Following up he says "You're not responding. Can't you help me? Are we parting ways?
Then he really pours it on:
Hi Dan, well, I thank you, I set up the Blog on Weebly, and 2 Things Now. I don't understand how to use the website, and since I have absolutely no friends at all in this world, because I am all alone all by myself in this world, and no one could give a crap less about me, now in turn, absolutely no one in this whole world, other than you if you choose, will now be visiting the website. Oh well.
Here's the thing, I'm like the king of apathy, with a default setting of "annoyed." This was getting out of hand now. But I had to give a strong measured reply:
First of all, you email me at 4am...then email me at 7am, then email me 4 minutes later complaining about no response. I'm not a Seal team. I don't do rapid responses.
I clicked on your link. I don't see your poems posted. Did you post them? Set up a schedule. Post one a day. Email about the opening of the blog after you get a couple posted. Then don't email them again. Join twitter, Facebook, link to the blog. Post little updates.
If you want people to see your stuff, post your stuff.
And DO NOT guilt people into going. You're proud of your work? Polish it and post it. There's only so much pushing you can do. Which, granted, is the advice of a middle-aged wannabe writer who since has to drag himself to an office job every day to feed his family and pay the bills.
What will be, will be.
I clicked on your link. I don't see your poems posted. Did you post them? Set up a schedule. Post one a day. Email about the opening of the blog after you get a couple posted. Then don't email them again. Join twitter, Facebook, link to the blog. Post little updates.
If you want people to see your stuff, post your stuff.
And DO NOT guilt people into going. You're proud of your work? Polish it and post it. There's only so much pushing you can do. Which, granted, is the advice of a middle-aged wannabe writer who since has to drag himself to an office job every day to feed his family and pay the bills.
What will be, will be.
Was he playing the pity card? Because on July 31, 2016, Christian had a new gig for me...
