The O'Reilly Fear Factor
GK: Later tonight, get the straight scoop with Bill O'Reilly
on his new show, "the O'Reilly Fear Factor"
BO: Tonight joining us is Prof. Agnes Connor who is leading a campaign opposing military force against Iraq. Good evening, Prof. Connor.
AC: Good evening, Bill.
BO: So, why are do you support terrorism?
AC: I don't support...
BO: By giving Iraq and Saddam a free ride with their weapons of mass destruction you would seem to be supporting...
AC: You're exaggerating...
BO: So you don't believe Iraq has weapons of mass destruction...
AC: I do, actually, but it seems that other options, diplomatic options, should be...
BO: And you really believe that position?
AC: Yes, I feel quite strongly about it.
BO: Would you be willing to eat this bowl of worms to demonstrate the strength of your convictions?
AC: Eat worms, no, I don't want to do that.
BO: Just as I thought, another knee-jerk liberal who can't really stand up for her beliefs when push comes to shove...
AC: How can you say...
BO: Joining us now is Hollywood actor Dennis Loman, star of the hit TV show "Medical Emergency" and shill for some charity.
DL: Beg pardon?
BO: I'm curious, Dennis; how do you think being a Hollywood celebrity qualifies your to be a spokesman for a serious, life threatening disease?
DL: A friend of mine suffers from...
BO: You raised a lot of money to fight this disease..
DL: Yes, millions, I'm very proud...
BO: Have they cured it yet?
DL: Well, no, but each day brings---
BO: So, don't you feel the least bit hypocritical, collecting all this money for a cure, and then sit here and admit you don't have a cure?
DL: They will discover a cure.
BO: Do you have a medical degree, Dennis?
BO: So saying they "will discover a cure" is just so much wishful thinking, isn't it?
DL: That's not it at all...
BO: Does the charity even see any of the money you raise?
DL: Of course it does.
BO: You're not an accountant, right?
DL: No, but...
BO: So, you have no real concept of where the money is off to?
DL: I work with these people, I trust these people.
BO: You feel quite strongly about this, don't you?
DL: Yes, I do.
BO: Do you feel so strongly that you would sit in a plexiglass box while we put dozens of snakes in it?
BO: Yes. Big ones, too.
DL: And that'll get you off my back?
BO: That, and you eating these pig intestines as we discuss that ad you took out in the paper knocking the country's foreign policy. I think that will sufficiently allow me to pander to my audience.
DL: Oh, all right.
GK: Yes, that's "the O'Reilly Fear Factor" later tonight on most of these public radio stations.