From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
This is one of those Barely Home Companion tales that has a happier ending. Since I never throw anything out, a few years after this got rejected by PHC, I submitted it to another radio content producer and they produced it! It's a straight-forward comedy sketch. In no way did I even attempt to tie it into the PHC format or regulars. It was just a funny audio bit. It's another one of those thing where I don't remember how or where it came from. After the script, I'm including the audio from the version that did get made.
Take Two
(CB: director, KT: Actress, WR: Writer, LZ: Liza)
CB: Cut! Cut!
KT: What?
CB: You call that a performance? That was terrible! What was that? No emotion! No feeling!
KT: Well, excuse me. Look at what I have to work with. This script is tripe!
CB: Get me the writer!
(several voices in distance yell "get the writer")
WR: Yeah, CB?
KT: This script is terrible!
WR: Terrible! I sweated blood over that script! There's nothing wrong with this script!
KT: My character would never say this!
WR: Of course she would!
KT: Why?
WR: Because that's the way I wrote it!
KT: You insolent pig!
WR: I don't have to take this, CB.
CB: Katherine, I love what he's done with this script. I really don't want to have to choose between you and the script.
KT: Well, choose you must!
CB: You're off the project, Katherine.
KT: Well! I never!
(footsteps, door slam)
CB: Get Liza up here, pronto!
(voices: "Get Liza!")
LZ: Yes, CB?
CB: You know the pages?
LZ: You bet, CB!
CB: Liza, you're a trouper! Now, here's the scene; You want to be welcoming, helpful. You don't know who these people are but you need that information.
LZ: Got it, CB.
CB: Ready on the set?
WR: Ready!
CB: Quiet on the set!
(voices repeat: "Quiet on the set!")
CB: And...action!
(happy music)
LZ: Hi, this is Liza McNealy-
CB: And this is Charlie McNealy-
BOTH: And we're the McNealys!
LZ: We're not at home right now.
CB: So please leave a message after the tone.
LZ: Bye!
(Beep)
end
CB: Cut! Cut!
KT: What?
CB: You call that a performance? That was terrible! What was that? No emotion! No feeling!
KT: Well, excuse me. Look at what I have to work with. This script is tripe!
CB: Get me the writer!
(several voices in distance yell "get the writer")
WR: Yeah, CB?
KT: This script is terrible!
WR: Terrible! I sweated blood over that script! There's nothing wrong with this script!
KT: My character would never say this!
WR: Of course she would!
KT: Why?
WR: Because that's the way I wrote it!
KT: You insolent pig!
WR: I don't have to take this, CB.
CB: Katherine, I love what he's done with this script. I really don't want to have to choose between you and the script.
KT: Well, choose you must!
CB: You're off the project, Katherine.
KT: Well! I never!
(footsteps, door slam)
CB: Get Liza up here, pronto!
(voices: "Get Liza!")
LZ: Yes, CB?
CB: You know the pages?
LZ: You bet, CB!
CB: Liza, you're a trouper! Now, here's the scene; You want to be welcoming, helpful. You don't know who these people are but you need that information.
LZ: Got it, CB.
CB: Ready on the set?
WR: Ready!
CB: Quiet on the set!
(voices repeat: "Quiet on the set!")
CB: And...action!
(happy music)
LZ: Hi, this is Liza McNealy-
CB: And this is Charlie McNealy-
BOTH: And we're the McNealys!
LZ: We're not at home right now.
CB: So please leave a message after the tone.
LZ: Bye!
(Beep)
end
I later submitted it to All Star Radio and they produced it some time later:
