From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Before there was Photoshop, before there was airbrushing, there was Pseudo-Photos. This is one of those sketches from college that my partner and I never gave up on. Also, it was always something I would wind up submitting to any comedy troupe that was looking for material. The sketch had gotten on its feet once, for a public-access cable show many years before. So, basically, no one had seen it. I was in that production of the sketch, which is one of the reasons that I don't do sketch comedy. As I was constantly throwing material at the PHC machine, I was unceasingly bouncing between new material and evergreen sketches I had in my filing cabinet. PHC didn't buy the sketch. So, I'm posting it here and as an extra bonus, I'm including the version I did for the show "Big B's Travelling Sideshow;" Which is a topic for another day...
PSEUDO-PHOTOS
PSEUDO-PHOTOS
By Dan Fiorella & John Rawlins
GK: The program tonight is brought to you by Pseudo-photos.
(PARTY SOUNDS)
SS: ...and here's a picture of Jimmy's first sleigh ride.
TR: Have you seen these pictures I took at Uncle Fred's wake?
TK : Oh, how nice! Here's a flash picture of my Annie developing her first roll of film.
(Ooooos and Aaaahs abound)
SS: Gee, Quincy, what's got you down?
TR: Gosh, Mabel, I don't have any family or friends, so when I see other people taking out their wallets and showing their snapshots to each other, I feel so left out I just want to move into a cave and stay there forever!
SS: I know what you mean, Quince. I used to feel that way myself until I discovered Pseudo-photos.
TR: Pseudo-photos?
SS: That's right, Pseudo-photos from Ersatz Incorporated. They're a complete set of bogus family photos. Here, let me take out my wallet and show you a few.
TR: Gee, this one looks exactly like someone's bar-mitzvah! And this looks like a high school graduation!
SS: And let's not forget the office Christmas party.
TR: But Mabel, you're unemployed!
SS: How's anyone to know, thanks to these nifty Pseudo-photos? By using the latest in digital computer technology, whenever someone inundates me with their family snapshots, I simply strike back with my patented Pseudo-photos by Ersatz.
TR: Gee, I'm going to buy some Pseudo-photos as soon as I get home!
GK: And at the next party---
SS: Hey there handsome, want to see some pictures?
TR: Sure. I have some too! Boy, I'm glad I got my Pseudo-photos.
SS: Here's a picture of my Uncle Ben catching a foul ball at the soccer game.
TK: Hey, here's a picture of my Uncle Ben catching a foul ball at the soccer game.
TR: Uh, I don't suppose either of you want to see a picture of my Uncle Ben catching a foul ball at the soccer game?
(pause)
I guess that means we're all related.
GK: Pseudo-photos by Ersatz. More people are using them than you think. Pick up your starter set today! Sets start at $57.95 for average family with 2.3 children.
end
By Dan Fiorella & John Rawlins
GK: The program tonight is brought to you by Pseudo-photos.
(PARTY SOUNDS)
SS: ...and here's a picture of Jimmy's first sleigh ride.
TR: Have you seen these pictures I took at Uncle Fred's wake?
TK : Oh, how nice! Here's a flash picture of my Annie developing her first roll of film.
(Ooooos and Aaaahs abound)
SS: Gee, Quincy, what's got you down?
TR: Gosh, Mabel, I don't have any family or friends, so when I see other people taking out their wallets and showing their snapshots to each other, I feel so left out I just want to move into a cave and stay there forever!
SS: I know what you mean, Quince. I used to feel that way myself until I discovered Pseudo-photos.
TR: Pseudo-photos?
SS: That's right, Pseudo-photos from Ersatz Incorporated. They're a complete set of bogus family photos. Here, let me take out my wallet and show you a few.
TR: Gee, this one looks exactly like someone's bar-mitzvah! And this looks like a high school graduation!
SS: And let's not forget the office Christmas party.
TR: But Mabel, you're unemployed!
SS: How's anyone to know, thanks to these nifty Pseudo-photos? By using the latest in digital computer technology, whenever someone inundates me with their family snapshots, I simply strike back with my patented Pseudo-photos by Ersatz.
TR: Gee, I'm going to buy some Pseudo-photos as soon as I get home!
GK: And at the next party---
SS: Hey there handsome, want to see some pictures?
TR: Sure. I have some too! Boy, I'm glad I got my Pseudo-photos.
SS: Here's a picture of my Uncle Ben catching a foul ball at the soccer game.
TK: Hey, here's a picture of my Uncle Ben catching a foul ball at the soccer game.
TR: Uh, I don't suppose either of you want to see a picture of my Uncle Ben catching a foul ball at the soccer game?
(pause)
I guess that means we're all related.
GK: Pseudo-photos by Ersatz. More people are using them than you think. Pick up your starter set today! Sets start at $57.95 for average family with 2.3 children.
end
