Is there anything that has a shorter shelf life than a topical sketch that isn't selected? Other than that container of sour cream that looks like a science project now. It's rough. You pull together a decent take on today's headlines only to learn they didn't pick your sketch to be in this week's show. Then what? Submit it around to the hundreds of comedy troupes that are looking for sketches from strangers? Turn it into a Kindle ebook? Or, do you just start posting on your own blog because you never know (actually you do, but you do it anyway)? I often delve into political humor and that dates really fast. But some of the stuff I just really enjoyed writing an was really pleased the way it came out. But, the comedy show I submitted it to really doesn't do song parodies, so that was a huge obstacle I built for myself...
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Got a new bit posted by the gang over at The Higgs Weldon site; President Trump's First 100 Days; an Alternative Look Back! ETA: Higgs Weldon went dark, so I'm posting the list here... President Trump’s First 100 Days
An Alternative Look Back by Dan Fiorella The first 100 days of any administration has always been a random, arbitrary mile marker for the U.S. president’s since Franklin Roosevelt hit the ground running (so to speak). Well, let’s give a side glance to the early days of the Trump Administration:
Yeah, late to the party on Donald Trump's Non-State of the Union Address to Congress. But something's been bugging me about it. No, no, not just all the lies and weird concept that the USA is in crisis only he can fix. It’s that Trump referenced the 1876 Philly Expo. This was an exposition, a national fair to celebrate America's 100th birtday. He brought it up totally out of left field. He went on and on about electric lights, typewriters and telephones, inventions displayed at the Expo, like he missed those days of technological advances, as if nothing amazing has happened since. This coming from a man who can communicate to the world with a hand-held computer from his toilet. Just weird. And then he attempted to tie it into America's 250th birthday, nine years from now. Why bring up that at all? It’s not like he declared the formation of a committee to organize a national exposition to celebrate it. No pronouncement of sending a man to Mars by then, or building a moon base. Nope, just, “Hey, in 9 years the USA will be 250 years old.” So random. There was a chance to make a Kennedyesque goal. There was a chance to set a task for the nation. Instead he just got wistful about the electric pen and moved on. Why? Because then maybe he'd have to admit that America has been great since 1876 and still is. He can't admit we're doing okay because he spent too much time and effort telling everyone we weren't. That's some corner he's painted himself into. Weirdly, the one think he didn't bring up about the Philly Expo of 1876? The first public display of the Statue of Liberty, partially constructed for visitors to the fair. Huh. Back in March 2016, a new multi-media platform was about to launch. A podcast, radio show with written articles on line to support the on-air hi jinx. It was a new comedy, The Morning Kvetch. And they needed experienced kvetchers to supply material to the website. Enter me. I had a number of rants and rant-like bits that could be re-worked to fit their site, so it seemed like a good thing. No pay but EXPOSURE! Yeah, not so much. Granted, my contributions to the site started to wane as the year progressed but I was very much surprised to recently discover the site no longer exists. It's just a Go Daddy placeholder denoting the domain name is available. Gone, all gone. So, I'm going to drag them out and post them here from time to time. So, let us present: So You Say You Want a Revolution? There’s something that’s always gotten under my skin during political cycles. There’s this weird vibe that people give off that is hard to stomach. Is it their passion? Their enthusiasm? Could be. They seemed pretty excited to support their candidate. Me? I watch some of these people run for office with their supporters and there is no way I’m voting for them. None. But now we’ve reached the point where the people I agree with are the more annoying ones. The party message seems on point; progress. But there was something going on just below the surface, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on that prevents me from ever going “all in” with any politician.
Today, I think I figured out what it might be. Politicians make promises. That’s what they do. And we all know to take them with a grain of salt. However, there are people who are willing to tout and re-tout these platitudes. It occurs to me now that many of these ideals are working at cross purposes. For example, they say we need to stop spending money on war and use it to fix our infrastructure. Which is great. Fix the roadways and highways…which means more car traffic. But, wait, aren’t cars and fossil fuels contributing to pollution and global warming? And we’re against that, right? A large percentage of people are living below poverty levels and need to be lifted up. So they can buy things, and add to the trade deficit, which we’re against. As well as creating more garbage. Then we need to feed the hungry. Just not with GMOs (which are evil) but with organic foods that cost way more and can’t be produced fast enough. Candidates claim they are for the working class, but push a treaty that will send all the jobs overseas. Again. Citizens needed more college to get the better jobs. It’s just that college loan debt forces college kids to take any job they can get. So kids in the future should get free college, so…thanks? The Constitution guarantees me enough privacy to get an abortion, but not enough privacy to keep the NSA out of my emails? And then you have the incumbents running who promise to “fix this” and “change that;” you’re the incumbent, just do it now. What are you waiting for? This strikes me as sending “mixed messages.” Meanwhile, the other side has one platform: the rich need more of your money, please help make that happen. That’s it. It’s way easier to stay on point if that’s your entire point (is it me, or do we have the whiniest rich people in the world? They are ALWAYS complaining about how tough they have it). I basically know who I’m voting for. It’ll probably disappoint you. To the point you’ll want to explain to me the error of my ways. Let’s not do that. See you at the polls!
I had a timeshare. I got it 30 years ago, a place called The Golden Strand in North Miami. How we got it is a story in itself. But got it we did. We could trade it in for other locations, which we did without fail. It was an affordable way to take family vacations. We could loan it to friends. We’d have it for 99 years, so we could leave it to the kids. It was the first (and for many years the only) possession we had. I had no intention of parting with it. Until that letter arrived.
You know those fake “urgent” letters you get in the over-sized cardboard envelopes wanting to buy your car or sell you solar panels? One of those arrived, only it was real. The Trump Organization had bought the lot adjoining the Golden Strand and built a structure on it. They now wanted to buy The Golden Strand property. That meant they had to contact every owner of every week of every unit and pitch the deal to them. The deal was…well, let’s just say they weren’t about to redistribute any wealth in the process. The plan was they must get 80% of the owners to accept their offer (such as it was). Once they got 80%, the remaining 20% would be sold out at auction. Which meant getting screwed. An auction where the Trump company would be the only ones interested in bidding? Yeah, good luck with that. So, it was go with the flow, or get skunked. There was no counter offer. There was every little resistance. The little there was didn’t want to save the property, they were just angling for more money. The money? Maybe it was a little more than I paid for it 30 years ago, until you figured in all the interest on the 15-year mortgage. And it was just money, as we learned they were planning to tear down the building, so no trade-in to a new time share. So all those years and all the effort the building association put into maintaining and upgrading the property? For naught. As it turns out, over the years, some people bought multiple time shares as foreclosures came up. They got them very cheap, pennies on the dollar. These multiple timeshare owners (why would there even be multiple timeshare owners?) owned over 15% of the units and were all backing the deal (oh, that’s why there were multiple time share owners). So, looks like I have to sell my timeshare. The deal is going to take five years to complete. And five years for them to pay me. So there we have it. This clown just swoops in, grabs my property, then decides to he wants to run the country? Well, he wouldn’t get my vote. However, I am willing to trade my vote for a hotel room inside Disney World Yes, another piece, formerly posted on Associated Content. Like other Slush Pile items, I'm updating it for posting here. It sure seems former Vice President Dick Cheney has a lot to say about current events. And the conservatives have been singing his praises for it, which is weird, since truth be told, Cheney pretty much shot the Republican Party in the face and now has them apologizing to him for it (which is how it usually works with Cheney)... |
Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. Archives
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