by Chef Louis
as told to Dan Fiorella
Bon jour, America! We here at the kitchens of Chez Chaz have discussed this many, many times and we had decided it is time. Time to save Thanksgiving from you Americans. The holiday fare is so Americanized. Yes, yes, it is true; turkey, stuffing, apple cider. It is stale, it is stodgy. You Americans, it would kill you to broaden your horizons? My staff and I have been working very hard to introduce a special Thanksgiving menu which we will be serving this year. What we have done is no less than remarkable. We have turned Thanksgiving into an international gastronomic event.
Yes, as Thanksgiving approaches, we once again think of our brave forefathers. Yeah, yeah and our brave foremothers, too. We remember their bravery and desire for a new life in the new world...
Oh, who are we kidding? They were a bunch of whiny cry babies---
Well, at least the sweet potatoes didn’t catch fire again---
Thanks for allowing all the family to come together and then leave after dessert---
We are thankful for thy bounty, although my cholesterol count probably won’t appreciate it---
And in tribute to the Pilgrims and Puritans who landed in Massachusetts, let us now burn this witch---
Who wants to stab the turkey first---?
And as we honor our forefathers, who came to America from Turkey---
Let us thank you first for cancelling Aunt Margie and Uncle Ed’s flight here---
Well, Lord, thank you for this bounty, although…whole berry cranberry sauce? Really---?
Let us thank the Lord and Boston Market for this meal---
Freelance writer, still hacking away.