Write what you know, they say. Well, this is one of those things. I had to have a Cardiac Catheterization in an effort to insert a couple of stents into my arteries. This was a while ago and everything went fine and the recovery was 100% and feeling very much better. But like any other thing medical, some weird thoughts run through your mind. Plus, there was always jokes about things you don't want to hear your surgeon say, like "Whoops" or "That's going to leave a mark." So it was that premise just with a medical speciality. I think the bit grew out of the line "My left or his left?" I wrote it a while ago, I submitted it, got no response and just kind of forgot about it, until I was rummaging through some old files on the hard drive. Re-reading it, I may be taking too much for granted on people's knowledge of cardiac catheterizations. The basis is they run a fiber optic line from your right wrist to your heart. It's got a camera and some grabby things where they can remove some plaque, insert the stent or, (God forbid) see that things are worse than they thought and withdraw and prepare the patient for by-pass surgery. Years ago they actually made the incision in your groin area and ran the line up from there. And they prep the groin area in case the wrist path doesn't work (the closing line). I guess that brings everyone up to day. So, some humor from my golden years here is:
Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Your Cardiac Catheterization
As it turns out, when you go in for this procedure where they open up a blocked artery with a stent, they don’t put you under anesthesia, they just give you a sedative to “take the edge off” having a wire jammed through your arteries and into your heart. This, however, leaves you awake enough to hear the medical team talking, which is never a good thing. I mean, you want to hear things like, “Wow, that went great,” but you're always afraid of other comments you might hear:
“Darn, this is the short catheterization line. Get the long one, pull this out and start again.”
“Your left or my left?”
“Well, look who finally made it back from Oktoberfest. Scrub in and get over here.”
“Nurse, stop with the ‘Fantastic Voyage’ remarks.”
“Which one is the heart again?”
“The patient can’t see us, right?”
“Oh-oh, I think I’m snagged on something.”
“The catheterization line didn’t come so I thought we could use these pipe cleaners.”
“No, no, not like that.”
“Wait, if we did this in England would we be going in from the other arm?”
“Me? I thought you had the stent!”
“The wrist incision isn’t working. Prepare the groin!”
end
“Darn, this is the short catheterization line. Get the long one, pull this out and start again.”
“Your left or my left?”
“Well, look who finally made it back from Oktoberfest. Scrub in and get over here.”
“Nurse, stop with the ‘Fantastic Voyage’ remarks.”
“Which one is the heart again?”
“The patient can’t see us, right?”
“Oh-oh, I think I’m snagged on something.”
“The catheterization line didn’t come so I thought we could use these pipe cleaners.”
“No, no, not like that.”
“Wait, if we did this in England would we be going in from the other arm?”
“Me? I thought you had the stent!”
“The wrist incision isn’t working. Prepare the groin!”
end
