This was a disappointing one. I cracked wise on Twitter and got banned for a couple of days. When I got back on, I attempted to retweet and edited version of my original but I didn't fool them. I got banned again. Naturally, I decided to write it up as a prose piece. It came out as one of my "Live Tweeting" bits that I've done both on The Big Jewel and Weekly Humorist. But none of my usual outlets would bite. The whole situation really irked me and I was ticked off about not being able to vent about it so I forgot that I wrote the piece until I came across the old email I sent to myself back in September 2025. Which works out I guess, since revenge is a dish best served cold. I present my humorous version about getting banned on Twitter:
Live Tweeting My Ban From X
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 24h
Breaking: If you tell a shady preacher to “go smite yourself,” you will be punished with a day-long time out. Man, the preacher was really touchy (probably in more ways than one).
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 22h
It seems I’m in “read only” mode. Oh, look, you can still write posts and then save them to draft. I bet I can post this later.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 21h
Looks like the site adjusted my feed to display more tweets from people I really, really disagree with. And I can’t correct them. Well played, X.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 20h
Just got a DM from a friend who got banned for still calling it Twitter. That’s why I call it Tw!tter.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 19h
Oh, even while banned, the ads are still super sensitive to touch and pop up if I look at them too hard.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 18h
I’m starting to feel the ban now. I caught myself logging onto LinkedIn. Oh, look, that WWE writing gig is open again. Huh, Gutfeld, too.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 17h
I know I haven’t been on Facebook in a while, but they’re doing videos now?
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 11h
Who knew watching someone clean out a drain could be so satisfying?
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 10h
Ooooh, puppies and babies!
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 9h
Okay, I have to step away from FB for a bit. It’s one thing to call out some random, nameless idiot on X who has incredibly stupid opinions, but on Facebook it’s all family members with stupid opinions. Dicey.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 8h
Huh, I just found this book here. Looks interesting. Maybe I can read that.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 5h
Wow! Books are awesome! Just wish there was some way to talk back to it.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 8m
I made it through the ban!
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 just now
Harrumph! Apparently if you tell the same shady preacher to “go sm!te yourself” you can get a week-long time out from X. Next week, I’ll have to try to replace the S with a 5, too.
The end
Breaking: If you tell a shady preacher to “go smite yourself,” you will be punished with a day-long time out. Man, the preacher was really touchy (probably in more ways than one).
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 22h
It seems I’m in “read only” mode. Oh, look, you can still write posts and then save them to draft. I bet I can post this later.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 21h
Looks like the site adjusted my feed to display more tweets from people I really, really disagree with. And I can’t correct them. Well played, X.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 20h
Just got a DM from a friend who got banned for still calling it Twitter. That’s why I call it Tw!tter.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 19h
Oh, even while banned, the ads are still super sensitive to touch and pop up if I look at them too hard.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 18h
I’m starting to feel the ban now. I caught myself logging onto LinkedIn. Oh, look, that WWE writing gig is open again. Huh, Gutfeld, too.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 17h
I know I haven’t been on Facebook in a while, but they’re doing videos now?
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 11h
Who knew watching someone clean out a drain could be so satisfying?
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 10h
Ooooh, puppies and babies!
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 9h
Okay, I have to step away from FB for a bit. It’s one thing to call out some random, nameless idiot on X who has incredibly stupid opinions, but on Facebook it’s all family members with stupid opinions. Dicey.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 8h
Huh, I just found this book here. Looks interesting. Maybe I can read that.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 5h
Wow! Books are awesome! Just wish there was some way to talk back to it.
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 8m
I made it through the ban!
Danny Twitter @KnotaBot718 just now
Harrumph! Apparently if you tell the same shady preacher to “go sm!te yourself” you can get a week-long time out from X. Next week, I’ll have to try to replace the S with a 5, too.
The end
