分类: Weekly World News - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Amazing Bubble (7/25/05)

3/19/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but after a while, I was submitting some straight forward fake news stories.

For some reason, I feel like this story got pitched to me. I can't imagine thinking up a bubble story. It's a solid little story and a surprising show business parody at the end. It's now I started to realize that getting the article sold didn't mean it was going to get featured. I had some one and two page spreads made up from my stories, so I was surprised this was printed as a 1 column piece. Oh, well.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Pizza Parlor Horror (7/11/05)

3/12/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I worked my way in with some straight forward fake news stories.

This kind of story was inevitable. Everyone knows about Chuck E. Cheese, right? The original draw was a various points, animatronic figures would appear on a stage to sing some songs and entertain the customers. It was cute, but Disneyland it wasn't. But what if one of them went all West World? Again, ridiculous situation, but if you include the right quotes from the "eye witnesses" it plays out fine. I even pulled a twist where the company decides to make rouge robtos part of their new business plan!

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Holy Grail Found (7/4/05)

3/5/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but I worked my way in with some straight forward fake news stories.

I feel like now I was getting the hang of things at WWN. A the legend goes back forever. I even made sure to start the story with that. There was much actual news stories about the black market that deals with ancient artifacts. Also the usual stories of Mexican drug cartels and their elaborate compounds filled with exotic animals and valuable art and such. Combining them seemed natural. I filled with various experts and characters and thought I told a solid story.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Spontaneous Combustion (5/16/05)

3/5/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. After a while I worked my way up with some straight forward fake news stories.

This article is one of my favorites. I feel like I got to combine current events, social issues and nonsense all into one article. Stories about spontaneous combustion have been around for centuries. I think there was an "X-Files" episode about it. I know there was a "Kolchack: The Night Stalker" episode. But to link that condition to climate change (especially back when it was called "global warming") just made it one of the strongest and most original articles I submitted.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Outer Space-Sourcing (2/7/05)

2/25/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I spent a couple of months grappling with Dear Dottie and her advice column. When I got phased out of that position, I had to try to work my way back in with some straight forward fake news stories.

There was a lot of weird stuff going on in President Bush II's terms. Inflation. Bank stuff. Jobs going overseas. It was a joy to combine outsourced with outer space. I think I was really pushing the limits with this one, but I just stayed in the logic of the premise and it worked within the WWN universe.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Movie Makeovers 1/10/05

2/19/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I spent a couple of months grappling with Dear Dottie and her advice column. When I got phased out of that position, I had to try to work my way back in with some straight forward news stories.

This article came about from a long running disagreement with a writer friend of mine. He was very much of the school that "Gone with the Wind" shouldn't be shown on any more, and felt it was just a bad as "Birth of a Nation" in depicting racial stereotypes. I knew he was a big Marx Bros. fan, so I finally countered with the argument that would he ban Marx Bros. movies because of the Chico Marx character? And he was a huge Buster Keaton fan, so I asked him if we should ban "The General," since it also portrayed the Rebels in a sympathetic light. That was different I was told. But the discussion always lingered.

I had done a sketch about colorization and the logic of that sketch was perfect to expand upon to give a make-over to old movies, especially now that TCM was now making a point to show old, non-PC movies. I thought it came out pretty well.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Hip-Hop Accidents 11/22/04

2/12/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I spent a couple of months grappling with Dear Dottie and her advice column. When I got phased out of that position, I had to try to work my way back in with some straight forward news stories.

Making fun of the hip-hop fashions of 2004. Couldn't be help. We were entering the age of "Pull up Your Damn Pants" and it seemed like a topic ready for parody. The statistics were from make-up departments, much like today's DOGE. And I did enjoy writing a point/counterpoint over such a pointless topic.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Diet Wafers 6/14/04

2/5/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I spent a couple of months grappling with Dear Dottie and her advice column. When I got phased out of that position, I had to try to work my way back in with some straight forward news stories.

This is one of those stories that seems so ridiculous that maybe it could happen? We all know how the Catholic Church is up for change, so what if to appease dieters, they offered lo-cal communion? Actually, the story kind of worked out backwards from a Cath-listhenics / calisthenics joke I thought up once, kneeling, getting up, crossing, kneeling, and then developed the communion idea from that

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Traitor Dolphins 7/29/03

1/29/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I spent a couple of months grappling with Dear Dottie and her advice column. When I got phased out of that position, I had to try to work my way back in with some straight forward news stories.

Now here's the story I thought Jerome Howard led with. This (much like the talking pig story) took a real situation and I simply did a twist on it, then let it take me to the absurd but logical conclusion.

The Navy was absolutely using dolphins for military purposes. And there was a lot a push back about the war in Iran. So why wouldn't dolphins decide to go rogue?

Turns out, I nailed it, as a story about Russia dolphins in 2023 would later show.

The story hits all the buttons; anger, defense, high stakes. It's a pretty good story, if I don't say.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Too Ugly! 07/22/03

1/22/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper at first, but I did eventually start having success getting articles published, under the byline "Jerome Howard."

I wish I could remember where some of these ideas came from, but I don't. But there was a period of time (the 20th century), when looks were very important and companies had a policy of hiring attractive people. Once we entered the 21st Century, there was some pushback to that concept, so those people were then fired and replaced with more attractive lackies.

We were coming to the era when the idea of hostile work environment and the men's club of business were being challenged. I feel like there was an actual event or lawsuit reported that might have triggered this story but I'm drawing a blank. I'm actually surprised this was my, er, I mean Jerome's first byline. I thought there were one or two stories before it. Nevertheless, we were off and running!

I must have pitched it. I followed the WWN template; the AP guidelines, quotes, counterpoints and the names of the people involved. Usually, I'd take a friend's name and twist it.

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