Category: Weekly World News - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 9/24/02

10/2/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Trying to parody actual advice here, lusty neighbors, troubled folks, horny teens and sit-com tropes. I like that the cheapskate sent his letter "postage due," so I was even playing around with the concept of mailing to someone for advice.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 9/24/02

9/25/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

So, the column became an outlet for many of my pet-peeves; telemarketers, hot-shots, diets and smokers. Her answers aren't even that nasty. I was still flailing with the attitude and format. And it was going to come to ahead in the coming weeks. I was churning out content, the checks were clearing, but I wasn't in the zone yet.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 9/17/02

9/18/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

I worked out a lot of frustrations in these columns. Writing was a side-gig. I had a full-time office job. I had many annoying co-workers. I'm pretty sure this guy makes multiple appearances in one form or another. Wife's boss invited us to super-fancy wedding once. That comes up. Robo-calls. Son-of-Sam jokes (too soon?). Oh, one of the confidentials, about grapes, that joke actually had people writing in to give me grape pie recipes. And soon after this, WWN started forwarding me actual mail that was being sent to Dear Dotti. Honestly, I think I'm mentally blocking those letters.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 9/10/02

9/11/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Oh, I had forgotten; once a month or so, the paper wanted a double-dose of Dottie. I'll be honest, I never truly got my rhythm with these columns and it was a real job working them up, both letter and responses. Improve your aim was a punchline rolling around in my head for years. My feeling toward SUVs are here. Oh, wow, my pimple joke is here. I had forgotten over the years I had assembled a supply of jokes that I was never going to go onstage and tell. I thought they were good, and very much in this awkward character I thought I had, but I never had the nerve. I repurposed them for the column. The Laff Riot letter was about an annoying co-worker I had. And the political letter was certainly catching a vibe.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 8/27/02

8/28/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Tangent: Years after I worked on the WWN, I was talking to my friends college-age son. I happened to mention that I wrote for WWN and the kid's eyes popped out. He didn't know I was a writer, so he certainly had no idea I wrote for the WWN. But he was actually impressed. Back when he in was in college, the 2000's, the magazine was a big read on campus. They loved it. So, for a brief, shiny moment I had some cred.

Man, a lot of old bits of mine in this one. Tattoo confidential, from a script. The cell phone guy is a sequel to my turning signal guy and their fight against "the man." The last letter I copped from a PHC ketchup sketch I wrote. The communion one is pretty much how we feel about those A&E-style First Holy Communion parties we see every year. I kind of liked the confidentials, they were like a prose version of a Bob Newhart bit. You can to do the set-up and punchline together, wording it just right to figure out what the letter was about.

All the News Fit to Fake: WWN: Dear Dottie 8/20/02

8/21/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

All these letters were various bits knocking around my head. The airline one was something that had been in the news. The turn signal one was from an article I wrote for the Staten Island Advance. The confidentials are lifted from some radio skits I wrote. Why the heck would a TV exec write to Dear Dotti? Because he needed to be mocked!

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 8/6/02

8/7/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Here, I took the idea of a cheating husband and made it sound like he was cheating with Dottie. I had issues with a timeshare, so that's there. A little mockery of Hollywood and topical stuff. Hey, I reached my word count for the week.

All the News Fit to Fake: WWN: Dear Dottie 7/30/02

7/31/2024

Back in the early naughts, Cracked magazine was going through some rough times. The company that owned Cracked was sold to the company that owned The National Enquirer. That company, American Media, also owned the Weekly World News.

American Media had no interest in Cracked, there were after some other titles. The plan was to shut down the humor magazine. But an editor at WWN asked them to keep it going and be the editor. They agreed to this, so the late Dick Kulpa, oversaw the death spiral of Cracked. The parent company slashed the budget so payments were reduced (if not eliminated, in some cases). Then they had distribution problems getting the issues out. The publication schedule grew erratic. Dick did what he could do to keep it afloat.

During one of the longer gaps between issues, Kulpa approached several of the Cracked regular contributors and offered us the opportunity to write for the Weekly World News, as a way to keep us...paid. I was reluctant, I really didn't know if it was something I could do. There were rules to creating stories for WWN and the idea of trying to drag out a joke that was basically a headline into a 300-500 word article was daunting.

Then he tossed me another idea; would I want to be their advice columnist, Dear Dottie? Weirdly, this seemed more like something I could pull off. I would write a few letters, then write the answers and submit it. I gave it a shot and they printed the column. This was insane, but the money was okay and the checks cleared (which was becoming an issue with Cracked).

To be honest, I didn't know what I was doing. Re-reading this I recognize ideas for sketches and jokes that I had been noodling around with for years. The Lawn guy is an actual sketch I did for Style Without Substance. Some were inspired by current events. The San Francisco idea was an essay I wrote for something else. I was all over the place with very jokey items. I didn't read much of the previous issues, but there was the idea of a stupid opinion presented and a nasty answer. I managed to pull it off for now, but how long could I keep it up?

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