Category: Weekly World News - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Talking Pigs 2/18/03

1/15/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper. I spent a couple of months grappling with Dear Dottie and her advice column. When I got phase out of that position, I had to try to work my way back in with some straight foreword news stories.

I can't remember if anyone gave me any encouraging words to hang in there, but I did get an idea to pitch to them. And they liked it enough to run with it. Here I was informed of how an article had to work. The premise, of course, had to be handled as if it were an actual event. Drop in names and quotes to support the idea. In the article they strongly advised us to have opposing opinions within the articles. To them, that's what make the idea more believable, that we have show that some people aren't buying it. Then their graphic department would go to town to bring it all to life.

With this knowledge, I tackled my first WWN story and "Dan Fiorella, Reporter." It was also the last appearance of "Dan Fiorella, Reporter." Somewhere between this article and my next one, it occurred to me that maybe having a by-line in the WWN would not translate well to my so-called "writing career." There were many who looked down on the National Enquirer and the WWN (their reputation has skidded further downhill since back then). I honestly feared that others wouldn't get the joke about writing for the tabloid so all my future stories were submitted under a nom de plume.

By coincidence, I've been running these WWN posts 22 years to the weeks they had run. I'm going to lose that synchronization here. There was a gap between my last Dear Dottie and my first article, then multiple gaps of time between them. This surprised me as I remembered this all running my stories more frequently. Oh, well.

More to come...

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 12/31/02

1/1/2025

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer

Well, good-by, Dottie!

Let's see; we got an Odd Couple reference. A take on the lawsuits that were popping up over fat kids and fast food, a look at menopause, along with a nod to the movie Psycho and some straight-up jokes in the Confidentials. It's a middling effort at best, which is a shame, as it was my last column. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure the reason I don't have a 12/24 column is because they asked someone else to do it. It was his try-out and they must have liked it. I wasn't so much as fired as replaced, because they were still willing to read my submissions. By this time I was started to get the vibe of the paper and began pitching story ideas for articles. And it was a better fit. I hope you agree as I continue these WWN entries.

So, good-by Dotti, and be a dear; don't let the door hit you on the butt on your way out. Actually, that doesn't work, as she remained but for only a few years more. They ended up revamping the column in 2005, (which was part of a whole bigger thing) replacing Dotti Primrose with "Hi Dolly." So, I guess I got out of the advice columnist business just in time (wink-wink).

In hindsight, a stronger column would have been nice, but if I were capable of stronger columns, I wouldn't have been "transferred" to field reporting...

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 12/17/02

12/18/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer

Again, they skipped a week so they could run a double feature this week. I don't have many memories of these letters. I goof on Ed Anger, their other columnist. Drunken hubby sounds like a twist on my Space Invaders script. Some amusing odds and ends. I guess you can read it all for yourself:

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 12/3/02

12/4/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer

Not much about this one triggers any memories. It feels like I was phoning it in. A parody of a Penthouse letter? Sure. I had done jury duty, so let's throw that in. Funeral flowers, which are a pet peeve of mine, just toss that in. Try to be meta with a letter confronting Dottie? a stretch that filled column inches. However , the confidential about grape pies, that was real. In an earlier column, Dear Dottie opined that there are apple pies and cherry pies, but no grape pies. Someone send Dottier a grape pie recipe. I had to acknowledge it but in a snarky way. I had to circle around this one joke a couple of times until I hit this one that worked best.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/26/02

11/27/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Kind of a lackluster week. None of these letters evoke any memories, really. There's a "Welcome Back, Kotter"-based letter, a pre-pandemic lament about commuting to the office. I like the letter where Dreamer got his advice columnist mixed up. WWN ran a second column with psychic sisters to predict things. The Confidentials came out okay with some court humor. I did have trouble with the format so sometimes my letters pushed the limits, but often in the wrong direction.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/19/02

11/20/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

This week's material reads more like mine. A stinky co-worker, fighting kids for the car radio, and a nod to the TV show "Bewitched," all mine. In fact, the worker who want to collect disability was based on a true story. A co-worker's kid, who hadn't worked in years because he was on disability for a workplace injury and had settled for a lot of money was busted. Instead of considering a job, he decided to hire a lawyer and get him to re-open his case and try to collect more money from the accident. I knew him slightly because at one point he worked in our mail room and was fired for multiple reasons. So definitely worth a letter.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/12/02

11/13/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

To be honest, this is the first time I'm reading these things since 2005, and some not even after I submitted them. And as I'm reading these, I'm thinking, "I didn't write that." As I mentioned, I never really felt I got a handle on the column and the editor was reworking my responses. The letters seem like something I would write, but some of the answers not so much. The tattoo one sounds like the set-up to my "get a tattoo, it'll make it easier to identify the body" joke I used in a screenplay but instead it's some sensible reply here. There's one of me lashing out about my real-life co-workers that did not end in a way I would write. I see a Dennis the Menace reference and a shout-out to Abbott & Costello. The Confidentials read like all mine. Those were fun and the format allowed me to get a little more absurd and pithy. It feels like they filled in the "double feature" with larger font and graphics which makes me thing some letters I wrote didn't even get used.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/05/02

11/6/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Still churning them out. Let's see, I have a reference to the sit-com "Taxi." Wow, I even stole a joke from Colin Quinn in Confidentials. And that towel-heads doesn't sound like mine. It very much sounds like the editor, Dick Kulpa, who went on to become a major MAGA-head. That farting letter doesn't seem like mine, either. It's a pretty weak edition and I get why the editor jumped in to "punch it up" with fart jokes and right-wing propaganda. Also, the added in photo/story seems bigger, to fill in the spaces where my material should be.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 10/29/02

10/30/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Naturally, when October comes, I do Halloween stuff, no matter what outlet I'm working on. The Hobo letter is something that was evolving until it became a scene in my screenplay and novella, Halloweenies, about how hard it is to pick a costume. I realize now, I wasn't really hitting the mark, to the point that the last letter about Elvis doesn't sound like mind at all. I'm pretty certain the editor put that one in. My material was getting absurd which is not what Dear Dotti was supposed to be about. I mean, I do a follow-up to a bad driver letter, a MASH reference and Hallmark Holidays. I'm surprised I made it to the end of the year on this column.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 10/22/02

10/23/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

A lot of back-flashing here. There are so many of my old jokes and premises used in this column it's a real snapshot of my brain back then. Easier to have someone else do something and complain about it; childish vs. child-like; skateboard parks; witch wedding. All things that had been knocking around, looking for a home. I mean, there's even a joke about Charlie Brown reruns. Arguing daughters was taken from real life, as was shopping lists. Also I note the replies getting more testy, which was something I was reminded to do.

Oh, another thing. The cheesecake shots were always laid over the Dear Dotti column. I had nothing to do with that.

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