One of my odder writing gigs was a freelance job I had from 2007 to 2013, writing for the conservative news site, Newsbusters.
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![]() Well, if this pandemic has taught me anything, it's that I'm not nearly as driven creatively as I would have liked to believe. When I was younger, I was writing all the time; on the train, on the ferry, on my lunch break, and to be completely honest, at my work desk in lieu of actual work. But lately, I've grown lazy about it. I spend too much time on Twitter. It's like a creative fix. Knock out a dozen pithy and/or snarky remarks and I'm spent. Sure, I was turning out a skit once a week, some jokes and the occasional prose piece, but those venues have been closing all around me. I had done some "industrial"-type work last year for a Chinese company, but we all know what kind of shape they're in these days. I'm barely updating this blog. I hear and read about these people binging streaming shows, cooking, baking, streaming their own shows and I'm perplexed by this. My day job has me working from home. I'm doing like a normal 8-hour shift at my PC. And when I leave my work station in the basement and commute upstairs, I still feel spent. And, of course, I want to spend time with my wife, and that's when we do our TV viewing. But instead of writing my next big screenplay, I'm clearing out the basement. When the weather improves, my wife will have me cleaning up the backyard. There's chores and whatnot. So even in a lock down, I'm still not able to carve out any major writing time. This post may be it for the day. I know, I know, people are suffering and dying out there. People's lives are being turned upside-down. But my ordinary life moves along in extraordinary times. I'm trying to keep in contact with my family, spread across the east coast. I'm trying to stay informed. But if there's an occasion to rise to, I don't feel like I'm rising to it. So, I post my anxiety on a blog no ones reading and try to vent it out of my system. Thanks for the moment. One of my odder writing gigs was a freelance job I had from 2007 to 2013, writing for the conservative news site, Newsbusters. ![]() I have to say, that even though the series was seriously bias (because, you know, everyone else was too bias the other way) Newsbusted did do a couple of things right. They often ended the set with a general pop culture or neutral current events story, so that gave me some wiggle room on submissions. They were open to more absurdist punchlines that came from a less stringent angle. And they let me do some self-referencing jokes about doing the show itself and how little everyone was making. Sometimes just making a joke about the item, inside of being against it, was enough for them. I was going to to their site every day to check the "news stories" that were making them angry. Then I started following some other sites they linked to find out what was annoying them as well and turn it into a joke. There are some scary rabbit holes out there. I wrote about the fine folks over at Gateway Pundit about it once... Even by September I was doubting my ability to keep working for them. I wrote "Saw the bit on "Newsbusted" The guy's delivery is okay. Material is weak. Even my NBC news/illegal immigrant line was stupid. Plus--I'm still kicking myself for not including the topper--"Not only should it increase ratings, they work a lot cheaper!"
In October I write that I got the latest check. "I feel dirty, but" it's a check! ![]() One of my odder writing gigs was a freelance job I had from 2007 to 2013. I was writing jokes for Valleyheart Productions in LA. What was Valleyheart Productions? They produced a weekly comedy video for the wacky folks over at Newsbuster.org, the home of irrational political discourse. Now, how did I, a NPR-produced, Garrison Keillor-style tax & spend liberal, wind up writing conservative comedy for a humorless Tea-Partisan organization? Easy, I responded to a Craigslist ad. A gentleman, whom I came to know as Eric Peterkofsky, was hunting for comedy writers who could write jokes from a more conservative perspective. I'm not a very political person, but if I'm annoyed at something I can come up with some jokes. And, I'm pretty good at reading a room and designing jokes to fit it. So, I submitted some sample jokes. Probably some anti-Hillary jokes. That was like catnip for them. I took this as a challenge. I don't think it's bragging to say I can write good comedy. But trying to write right-wing comedy? It's like capturing a unicorn or a compassionate conservative; does it exist? And, to be honest, I really didn't have much going on at the time and a gig's a gig. My sample worked. Eric did a demo for the Newsbuster site and he was brought in to produce a weekly "Weekend Update" style video, joking on the liberal follies of the day. Here's the thing, conservatives (Bob Hope, Milton Berle) can do great comedy, but conservative comedy is not a thing. First, it's very hard to create comedy solely by agenda because the comedy will always come in second. Bob Hope was famous for poking fun at everyone. Conservatives will not poke fun at other conservatives (unless they go rogue). And what they do go on about sounds like a sermon. I'll also note here that comedy is best when it punches up, speaking truth to power. Making fun of women, civil rights and immigrants really isn't "punching up." I quickly learned that Conservative comedy usually was simply a matter of putting the words "Hillary" or "Obama" as the punchline and turning up the laugh-track. Look, not everybody in politics is right all the time. Not every program is a good one. So, I was able to find things to mock. Also, sometimes, it's very, very easy to pander to and mimic the audience. Once they got the green light, I began submitting material. At first I was submitting it daily, going to the Newsbusters website, seeing what their latest outrage was and trying to turn it into a joke, with an actual punchline. And I was hitting the mark. I was getting 2 to 3 jokes a week in. And not to brag, mine were the most solid ones in the videos. And also, mine actual jokes. ![]() This month marks the 9th birthday of my blog. Happy blog-iversary to me! Still not sure if anyone's reading it, but it keeps me off the street at night. It's been a good place to recollect and reminisce about my writing career (such as it is) and pull out some material from the hard drive that never got a shot. I hope you're enjoying it. ![]() Nuts, lost another outlet. I just found out that The Big Jewel pulled a Mad magazine and is no longer posting new material. This happened back in August, which shows how much I was paying attention. The last time they published anything of mine was in April, where I got two pieces up in April. Maybe I should have realized something was up. They're keeping the site up for now, archiving all the material they've posted over the years. They didn't pay a nickle, but I always got the sense they were a respectable place to publish material and I always had to run a gauntlet of editors to get the thumbs up or down. My stuff is there. I'll miss having that forum to work with whenever a prose piece idea hit. But the guy who ran it was dealing with other successes and was finding it harder to maintain the site, so at least it was for a good reason. And the search begins anew... ![]() I certainly have made no secret about writing for Cracked magazine over the years. But with the announcement that Mad magazine is shutting down after a 70 year run, I figured I would mention my experiences with that magazine. First off, Mad published one of my gags. It was drawn by Don Martin. It was the first thing I ever submitted to them. Things went quickly downhill from there. One Fine Morning at State Prison![]() After the Dukakis episode, I would keep bumping into people who "could do things for me." Around 1995, there was one guy, Ralph Cooper, very slick producer-ish guy who fell in love with my Nick Flebber Christmas script. He was convinced it could be a TV show and had me re-write it up to pitch as such. He was really an advocate of my material. He was also trying to build up his stature in my eyes. I don't know why, but he really was trying to convince him he had the juice, that we were always just thisclose to making things happen. At the time he was hustling a script for a movie called "Hugo Pool." ![]() I've been reading the updated version of "Live From New York: The Complete, Uncensored History of Saturday Night Live as Told by Its Stars, Writers, and Guests." I read the first edition years ago, around the time of the 25th anniversary of the show. I've come to the conclusion that I really need to stop reading about the show, about how it works, about how the writers are picked, about the whole thing. I need to stop reading the stories of the zaniness of being backstage or the thrill of seeing your work broadcast live to the nation. I just need to stop. I used to read everything about SNL when I was younger. Because that was the dream I thought I could attain. Now I read it and know that the dream has withered away. But I tried... (I've written about my brushes with SNL before, but since no one really reads blogs, I'm doing it again.) Back in May of 2016, I came upon a Craig’s List want ad entitled “Seeking Comedy Writer for major studio venture.” It was anything but. Dear Dan. I have a Comedy Writing Assignment for you, if would like to take. It is to write a remake of the 1984 Comedy Film "UP THE CREEK" for a all new Reboot endeavor. I have spoken with the Producer of this very film that is willing to read a reboot script for further determinations!! So Dan, for the all considering of process, I have provided below the original 1984 screenplay draft from the original writer, and along with a Veoh video link to where you can watch the original 1984 90 minute film in its entirety. The film if you may recall starred comic stars Tim Matheson and Stephen Furst (both of "Animal House"), and Dan Monahan (of "Porky's"), kindly overlook all, and upon after, let me know if you think you'd be all game to start, whether if today, or over the weekend, to initiate scripting a very fateful 90 page screenplay for a very promising Up The Creek reboot for an aimed 2017 theatrical release. This one might be well worth it too! Kindly reach out at any time. Thank you! All the Best. Christian Elias |
Dan FiorellaFreelance writer, still hacking away. Archives
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