I have a new comedy bit posted over at The Big Jewel; Internet Ratings of Escape Rooms.
With Shakespeare in the news again, it's time to pull out this piece I did for the SI Advance back in 2/98.
Lost Shakespeare: the Whole Shebang
The new television season is upon us. As network shows, pay-per-view, satellite TV, cable, movie channels, PBS and the security camera at the 7-11 all fight over a shrinking audience base, what can they do to grab viewers and keep them on their couches in front of their sets short of breaking into their homes, tying them up and holding them there at gun point (which was determined to be impractical and not very cost-efficient)? Maybe a sign of the times is the upcoming series of shows co-produced by PBS and Comedy Central. It's an ambitious project showcasing all of William Shakespeare's earlier, lesser works. Check local listings for time and channel:
Sure, we hear about sequels to Avatar, Terminator, Aliens, but what about James Cameron's biggest hit? From the SI Advance, 12/98
Titanic 2: The Sequel
You can't keep a good boat down; At a billion dollars and climbing, TITANIC is the biggest movie of all time. And now with the Titaniacs all worked up over the video release and its looming presence as a major Christmas present, do you really think that Hollywood would let a little thing like the death of all the characters and the sinking of the ship stop them from making a sequel? I think not. And I'm more than willing to pitch my ideas for the sequel that must be:
With March Madness in the air, it seems like time to pull out another bit posted on the ex-Yahoo Voices site...
Mad Cows and Englishmen
If it isn't one health threat, it's another. I mean, really, Mad Cow Disease? Swine Flu? Bird Flu? What's next Snotty Sheep Syndrome? It wasn't something I gave much thought about until what happened the other day. I was reading "Alice In Wonderland" to my children for the first time. (We had just returned from Disneyworld and I wanted to put the Spinning Teacups in perspective for them.) I had gotten a copy from the library. It was a very old copy in so-so condition, but it was the last one they had. Anyway, when I got to chapter seven and the tea party, a packet of folded note paper, yellowed with age, dropped out. It was the original draft to the tea party in Lewis Carroll's own handwriting:
With Leonard Nimoy's recent passing, it reminded me of this piece I had published on Yahoo Voices back in 5/2005 or so...
STAR TREK: THE NEXT NEXT GENERATION
STAR TREK is getting pretty long in the tooth. The latest version, Star Trek: Enterprise has been cancelled. No new movies are planned. It’s time to re-energize the franchise. So pitches are being made to create the next series. Here’s an inside peek at the pitches:
Star Trek: Academy House -- Set in the Starfleet Academy, we follow the zany adventures of the worst group on campus, the Delta Quadrant House. They're always trying to figure out ways to beam beer kegs into their dorm or "borrow" starships to see if women really are from Venus or circle Uranus looking for Klingons...
The holiday season means a lot of special TV. But not every show can be "A Charlie Brown Christmas" or "Frosty the Snowman." There a couple of slushy projects that are less Ho-Ho-Ho and more Ho-Ho-Hum. And here's a couple you probably missed:
Ted & Bill’s Excellent Advent: Two dudes, trying to find the perfect Christmas presents for their girlfriends, travel through time disrupting events at Bethlehem, Charles Dickens’ house and the North Pole...
by Chef Louis
as told to Dan Fiorella
Bon jour, America! We here at the kitchens of Chez Chaz have discussed this many, many times and we had decided it is time. Time to save Thanksgiving from you Americans. The holiday fare is so Americanized. Yes, yes, it is true; turkey, stuffing, apple cider. It is stale, it is stodgy. You Americans, it would kill you to broaden your horizons? My staff and I have been working very hard to introduce a special Thanksgiving menu which we will be serving this year. What we have done is no less than remarkable. We have turned Thanksgiving into an international gastronomic event.
Yes, as Thanksgiving approaches, we once again think of our brave forefathers. Yeah, yeah and our brave foremothers, too. We remember their bravery and desire for a new life in the new world...
Oh, who are we kidding? They were a bunch of whiny cry babies---
Freelance writer, still hacking away.