Category: Dear Dottie - Dan Fiorella: Writer @ large

Dan Fiorella

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/26/02

11/27/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Kind of a lackluster week. None of these letters evoke any memories, really. There's a "Welcome Back, Kotter"-based letter, a pre-pandemic lament about commuting to the office. I like the letter where Dreamer got his advice columnist mixed up. WWN ran a second column with psychic sisters to predict things. The Confidentials came out okay with some court humor. I did have trouble with the format so sometimes my letters pushed the limits, but often in the wrong direction.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/19/02

11/20/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

This week's material reads more like mine. A stinky co-worker, fighting kids for the car radio, and a nod to the TV show "Bewitched," all mine. In fact, the worker who want to collect disability was based on a true story. A co-worker's kid, who hadn't worked in years because he was on disability for a workplace injury and had settled for a lot of money was busted. Instead of considering a job, he decided to hire a lawyer and get him to re-open his case and try to collect more money from the accident. I knew him slightly because at one point he worked in our mail room and was fired for multiple reasons. So definitely worth a letter.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/12/02

11/13/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

To be honest, this is the first time I'm reading these things since 2005, and some not even after I submitted them. And as I'm reading these, I'm thinking, "I didn't write that." As I mentioned, I never really felt I got a handle on the column and the editor was reworking my responses. The letters seem like something I would write, but some of the answers not so much. The tattoo one sounds like the set-up to my "get a tattoo, it'll make it easier to identify the body" joke I used in a screenplay but instead it's some sensible reply here. There's one of me lashing out about my real-life co-workers that did not end in a way I would write. I see a Dennis the Menace reference and a shout-out to Abbott & Costello. The Confidentials read like all mine. Those were fun and the format allowed me to get a little more absurd and pithy. It feels like they filled in the "double feature" with larger font and graphics which makes me thing some letters I wrote didn't even get used.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 11/05/02

11/6/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Still churning them out. Let's see, I have a reference to the sit-com "Taxi." Wow, I even stole a joke from Colin Quinn in Confidentials. And that towel-heads doesn't sound like mine. It very much sounds like the editor, Dick Kulpa, who went on to become a major MAGA-head. That farting letter doesn't seem like mine, either. It's a pretty weak edition and I get why the editor jumped in to "punch it up" with fart jokes and right-wing propaganda. Also, the added in photo/story seems bigger, to fill in the spaces where my material should be.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 10/29/02

10/30/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Naturally, when October comes, I do Halloween stuff, no matter what outlet I'm working on. The Hobo letter is something that was evolving until it became a scene in my screenplay and novella, Halloweenies, about how hard it is to pick a costume. I realize now, I wasn't really hitting the mark, to the point that the last letter about Elvis doesn't sound like mind at all. I'm pretty certain the editor put that one in. My material was getting absurd which is not what Dear Dotti was supposed to be about. I mean, I do a follow-up to a bad driver letter, a MASH reference and Hallmark Holidays. I'm surprised I made it to the end of the year on this column.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 10/22/02

10/23/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

A lot of back-flashing here. There are so many of my old jokes and premises used in this column it's a real snapshot of my brain back then. Easier to have someone else do something and complain about it; childish vs. child-like; skateboard parks; witch wedding. All things that had been knocking around, looking for a home. I mean, there's even a joke about Charlie Brown reruns. Arguing daughters was taken from real life, as was shopping lists. Also I note the replies getting more testy, which was something I was reminded to do.

Oh, another thing. The cheesecake shots were always laid over the Dear Dotti column. I had nothing to do with that.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 10/15/02

10/16/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Did they skip a week? Did I not find the issue for that week? I don't know. But, it was time for a double article, so maybe they did hold if off. Being all over the place isn't a problem with the columns, since I was supposed to be simply answering the random letters that came to me. Which is maybe why it got hard to do. There was no momentum to build off of. It was all herky-jerky, stop & start from column to column, heck, from letter to letter. I was grabbing random thoughts and punchlines to insert where I could. A "Green Acres" reference? Why not! Dog Parent dig? One of my favorite targets through the years. "Fiddler on the Roof" scenario? Sure. Like I said, it was tough churning out the material, week after week and sometimes doubled. I was hanging on by a thread but I needed to keep at it because the checks came in handy.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 9/24/02

10/2/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Trying to parody actual advice here, lusty neighbors, troubled folks, horny teens and sit-com tropes. I like that the cheapskate sent his letter "postage due," so I was even playing around with the concept of mailing to someone for advice.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 9/24/02

9/25/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

So, the column became an outlet for many of my pet-peeves; telemarketers, hot-shots, diets and smokers. Her answers aren't even that nasty. I was still flailing with the attitude and format. And it was going to come to ahead in the coming weeks. I was churning out content, the checks were clearing, but I wasn't in the zone yet.

All the News Fit to Fake- WWN: Dear Dottie 9/10/02

9/11/2024

Back in the aughts, Cracked magazine was owned by the same company as the Weekly World News. During the rocky final years of Cracked, our editor, in an attempt to give the writers a pay check, had us contribute articles to WWN ("the humor magazine that nobody knows is a humor magazine.") It took me a while to get the hang of the paper but first the editor suggested I do the "Letter and Answer" format for their Dear Abby-style advice column, except that their "expert," Dottie, was a bitch. I struggled with the format, kinda of recycling various jokes and bits I had over the years into a letter format with a snotty answer.

Oh, I had forgotten; once a month or so, the paper wanted a double-dose of Dottie. I'll be honest, I never truly got my rhythm with these columns and it was a real job working them up, both letter and responses. Improve your aim was a punchline rolling around in my head for years. My feeling toward SUVs are here. Oh, wow, my pimple joke is here. I had forgotten over the years I had assembled a supply of jokes that I was never going to go onstage and tell. I thought they were good, and very much in this awkward character I thought I had, but I never had the nerve. I repurposed them for the column. The Laff Riot letter was about an annoying co-worker I had. And the political letter was certainly catching a vibe.

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