From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Just some random silliness. Pirates were becoming a recurring theme in my comedy. Video pirates who were recording Hollywood movies to bootleg, porch pirates stealing packages, Last Pirate Standing, a game show video (that actually went to air), medical eye patch commercials. It's a fun thing to write about. Getting them picked is a different story. There had been stories about schools putting on productions of plays without getting permission. Some where they didn't even get a script, a teacher transcribed a play from memory. So, it seemed like the most logical next step for piracy, me bucco!
Theater Pirates
GK: Later night on your local public radio station is the exciting new radio serial. It was a time of lawlessness on the open ocean, an era of high drama on the high seas. A band of rogues sail the oceans, outside the territorial waters of this nation. Out in international waters, buccaneers flaunt the copyright laws of this nation and stage musical theater on cruise ships. It was a time of Theater Pirates!
(Ship bells, seagulls)
PIRATE: Ahoy, maties! I see an audience stern to port!
CAPTAIN: Well, shiver me timbers! A fine looking band of spectators they be! Way anchor, laddies! Start the overture! Hoist the mizzenmast. Raise the curtain!
GK: Yes, the Theater Pirates, a band of cutthroat players who cruise international waters, preying on cruise ships, performing copyrighted plays and musicals for their own amusement.
WOMAN: Captain, what is that strange ship off the bow?
CAPTAIN: Let me take a look.
PIRATES; (in distance) Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow---
CAPTAIN: It's the Theater Pirates! All hands on deck!
WOMAN: I love that show. But their direction is terrible and unfocused! The acting is weak and derivative! How can we stop them?
CAPTAIN: You can't. Copyright laws don't hold in these waters, ma'am. The
Authors Guild is powerless to stop them.
GK: The Theater Pirates! Show business rogues, beholden to no nation or theater circuit!
PIRATE: Captain! They're giving us a bad review!
CAPTAIN: Aye, there be critics here. Bring out the showstopper!
PIRATE: Give us a standing ovation, you scurvy dogs or you'll walk the plank, the lot of ya!
PARROT: Theater pieces of eight. Theater pieces of eight.
ANNOUNCER: Tonight, "Theater Pirates," an original presentation tonight on public radio.
PIRATE: This show is rated Arrr!
End
(Ship bells, seagulls)
PIRATE: Ahoy, maties! I see an audience stern to port!
CAPTAIN: Well, shiver me timbers! A fine looking band of spectators they be! Way anchor, laddies! Start the overture! Hoist the mizzenmast. Raise the curtain!
GK: Yes, the Theater Pirates, a band of cutthroat players who cruise international waters, preying on cruise ships, performing copyrighted plays and musicals for their own amusement.
WOMAN: Captain, what is that strange ship off the bow?
CAPTAIN: Let me take a look.
PIRATES; (in distance) Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow---
CAPTAIN: It's the Theater Pirates! All hands on deck!
WOMAN: I love that show. But their direction is terrible and unfocused! The acting is weak and derivative! How can we stop them?
CAPTAIN: You can't. Copyright laws don't hold in these waters, ma'am. The
Authors Guild is powerless to stop them.
GK: The Theater Pirates! Show business rogues, beholden to no nation or theater circuit!
PIRATE: Captain! They're giving us a bad review!
CAPTAIN: Aye, there be critics here. Bring out the showstopper!
PIRATE: Give us a standing ovation, you scurvy dogs or you'll walk the plank, the lot of ya!
PARROT: Theater pieces of eight. Theater pieces of eight.
ANNOUNCER: Tonight, "Theater Pirates," an original presentation tonight on public radio.
PIRATE: This show is rated Arrr!
End
