From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Yeah, re-reading this sketch, there was no way it was ever going to be picked. As the show would head toward its summer break, I would always submit a season finale-type sketch, talking about summer plans, bogus cliffhangers, or summer blockbusters. But this thing is just a wordle meets Mad libs. I essentially tried to come up with the longest daisy chain of a movie title I could. And then another one. And one more for good measure. GK hated pop culture stuff (mostly) but these movie titles were all over the place. It was a commercial parody outside the "later on public radio" framework. But I kind of like it. Word play, non sequitur dialogue, mocking Hollywood's pandering instincts, it all comes together for a decent parody and radio bit. Oh, well. Nineteen years later, we present:
Summer Blockbuster 2007
ANNOUNCER: This summer, the blockbuster movie to end all blockbuster movies. You want action? We got it!
(Explosion)
ANNOUNCER: You want romance? We got it!
(Kissing)
ANNOUNCER: It's music, monsters and more! It's "Oh Godfather of the Bride of Frankenstein meets the Wolfman of LaMancha."
(Monster roars)
ACTOR: It's alive! How do we kill it?
ACTRESS: I'll sing!
(Sings a few bars, monster roars)
ANNOUNCER: Yes, from the director of "Pirates of the Caribbean John Malkovichs of Eastwicker Man" and the writer of "Abbott and Costello Meet Me in St. Louis Pasteur Story Ever Told" comes the summer blockbuster that's willing to pander to everyone.
(Airplane sounds)
ACTOR: Look, he's coming out of the sun! It's going to ruin the wedding!
ACTRESS: Why would anyone teach a monster how to fly a plane?
ACTOR: This is going to anger the five families and cause a mob war! Well, there's nothing to do but start tap dancing!
(Tap dancing)
ANNOUNCER: And hear what the critics have to say:
CRITIC 1: Well, at least it wasn't three hours long.
CRITIC 2: Not only am I not giving it any stars, I'm subtracting them.
CRITIC 3: It kinda freaked me out where God battled Frankenstein.
ANNOUNCER: It's every single kind of movie we could think of rolled up into one. If you don't see any other movie this summer, then, seriously, you need to get out more. And, frankly, if you don't come to see this movie, we don't know what we'll do. Probably put it on YouTube or something. It's "Oh Godfather of the Bride of Frankenstein meets the Wolfman of LaMancha" opening this weekend on a double bill with "Pretty Woman of the Year of living Dangerous liaisons of Katie Elder."
The end
(Explosion)
ANNOUNCER: You want romance? We got it!
(Kissing)
ANNOUNCER: It's music, monsters and more! It's "Oh Godfather of the Bride of Frankenstein meets the Wolfman of LaMancha."
(Monster roars)
ACTOR: It's alive! How do we kill it?
ACTRESS: I'll sing!
(Sings a few bars, monster roars)
ANNOUNCER: Yes, from the director of "Pirates of the Caribbean John Malkovichs of Eastwicker Man" and the writer of "Abbott and Costello Meet Me in St. Louis Pasteur Story Ever Told" comes the summer blockbuster that's willing to pander to everyone.
(Airplane sounds)
ACTOR: Look, he's coming out of the sun! It's going to ruin the wedding!
ACTRESS: Why would anyone teach a monster how to fly a plane?
ACTOR: This is going to anger the five families and cause a mob war! Well, there's nothing to do but start tap dancing!
(Tap dancing)
ANNOUNCER: And hear what the critics have to say:
CRITIC 1: Well, at least it wasn't three hours long.
CRITIC 2: Not only am I not giving it any stars, I'm subtracting them.
CRITIC 3: It kinda freaked me out where God battled Frankenstein.
ANNOUNCER: It's every single kind of movie we could think of rolled up into one. If you don't see any other movie this summer, then, seriously, you need to get out more. And, frankly, if you don't come to see this movie, we don't know what we'll do. Probably put it on YouTube or something. It's "Oh Godfather of the Bride of Frankenstein meets the Wolfman of LaMancha" opening this weekend on a double bill with "Pretty Woman of the Year of living Dangerous liaisons of Katie Elder."
The end
