From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Back in 2005, we were still getting the TSA up to speed. 9/11 had forced them to up their game and handle more people and more situations. Shoe bombs, underwear bombs, crying babies, were all now turning up as weapons against the west. Scanning technology was still being refined, so the TSA had to approach their task from different angles.
They went with inter-personal skills. Sure, watching the baggage was important, but who was watching and judging the passengers? As I learned about TSA training, I thought it was a premise for a solid bit. Without any fanfare, I simply churned it out as an episode of a series. No "next on public radio," no "welcome to another chapter," I just launched into it, without even specifically making GK the announcer.
I happen to like this bit, but I took a pass on it. Oh, well.
They went with inter-personal skills. Sure, watching the baggage was important, but who was watching and judging the passengers? As I learned about TSA training, I thought it was a premise for a solid bit. Without any fanfare, I simply churned it out as an episode of a series. No "next on public radio," no "welcome to another chapter," I just launched into it, without even specifically making GK the announcer.
I happen to like this bit, but I took a pass on it. Oh, well.
Small Talk Brigade
ANNOUNCER: As the war on terror continues, the government is forced to call in its elite squad of terror experts, a security force trained in the subtle art of small talk. An art they use to expose possible terror cells working in our country. And their work is just as important and as effective as those who scan, search and smell us. These are the stories from the files of the Small Talk Brigade.
WOMAN: Next, please. First time flying, sir? You look a little nervous.
MAN: No, I fly pretty often.
WOMAN: Oh, so you must be nervous for another reason.
MAN: I’m not nervous. Why do you keep saying that?
WOMAN: How about this weather?
MAN: Oh, it’s a perfect day.
WOMAN: Perfect for what? Perfect for a surprise attack?
MAN: Excuse me?
WOMAN: So, where are you flying to?
MAN: Huh? Me? Las Vegas.
WOMAN: You a gambler? Like to take risks?
MAN: It’s a convention, actually.
WOMAN: Other members of your cell getting together?
MAN: What? Cell? I’m a podiatrist.
WOMAN: Oh, and I suppose this small knife is part of your “podiatrist cover?”
MAN: It’s a corn scrapper.
WOMAN: Security!
MAN: Hey! My flight!
WOMAN: Not today, Osama. Take him away, boys!
ANNOUNCER: This has been another case from the files of the Small Talk Brigade.
End
