From 1999 to 2004-ish, I was one of the contributing writers for Garrison Keillor's renowned radio show "A Prairie Home Companion." I learned a lot of things there, mostly how to spell 'prairie." It was a solid gig and I'm proud of my work there. But, like any other job, there were...things...
Well, here's a silly bit I had totally forgotten about mocking the reality show craze. It's a pretty good late-career submission to PHC. I think what triggered the sketch was a show that was going to be about picking a director to make a film...wash it Project Greenlight? or some such thing. Anyway, they went on and on about directors and I decided to go with a real WGA-twist to create the most boring really show ever; watching writers write. On radio! The SFX of typewriters makes me chuckle as I reread it. Maybe I can do this as an AI bit, just lose the celebrity judges...
On the Page
GK: Later tonight on public radio comes the latest in narrowly-focused and esoteric reality series!
TARRANTINO: America needs stories and those stories have to be written…by writers!
GK: America has searched for the next great singer, actor, director and stand-up, now we go looking for The Next Top Writer. It’s “On the Page.” Watch a group of 50 writers face challenging challenges like write a comedy in 24 hours---
(Typing sounds)
GK: Or write a scene for a top Hollywood guest star-
(Typing sounds)
GK: Some will face the challengers easily---
(Quick typing sounds)
GK: While others will struggle and fail---
(Slow typing sounds that just stop)
GK:Some will simply fold like a wet noodle.
(crying)
GK: And then each effort will be read by top Hollywood shakers and movers and the contestants will have to face the withering critiques of our three tough judges; Quentin Tarrantino---
TARRANTINO: What I’m reading here isn’t moving me!
GK: Nora Ephron---
NORA: Oh, this character just doesn’t spring off the page for me.
GK: And the required snotty British guy.
BRIT: This is bloody awful.
GK: Yes, watch mere humans face the hardship, the terror, the sweat and the glory that only a writer knows. It’s “On the Page,” tonight on most of your public radio stations.
end
TARRANTINO: America needs stories and those stories have to be written…by writers!
GK: America has searched for the next great singer, actor, director and stand-up, now we go looking for The Next Top Writer. It’s “On the Page.” Watch a group of 50 writers face challenging challenges like write a comedy in 24 hours---
(Typing sounds)
GK: Or write a scene for a top Hollywood guest star-
(Typing sounds)
GK: Some will face the challengers easily---
(Quick typing sounds)
GK: While others will struggle and fail---
(Slow typing sounds that just stop)
GK:Some will simply fold like a wet noodle.
(crying)
GK: And then each effort will be read by top Hollywood shakers and movers and the contestants will have to face the withering critiques of our three tough judges; Quentin Tarrantino---
TARRANTINO: What I’m reading here isn’t moving me!
GK: Nora Ephron---
NORA: Oh, this character just doesn’t spring off the page for me.
GK: And the required snotty British guy.
BRIT: This is bloody awful.
GK: Yes, watch mere humans face the hardship, the terror, the sweat and the glory that only a writer knows. It’s “On the Page,” tonight on most of your public radio stations.
end
